to think she's trying to steal my child

[Herringb0ne]

Hiya. Single mum to DS7 here. Have been a single mum from pretty much birth.

Dad has a new partner who he has been with for a number of years. I have gone out of my way to be friendly and inclusive, we have group facebook chat for arrangements, I get her birthday and Christmas presents, etc. In return I am treated like an inconvenience.

They now have a child together, DS7s half sibling.

She has on her Instagram profile that she is a 'Happy mother of two boys!!!' and so help me god I have not been able to rest about it. She is NOT MY SONS MOTHER. But nobody else thinks this is weird. I tried to raise it with Dad and he shrugged it off and said I was being sensitive.

DS7 later told me that she has told him to call her Mummy as it is apparently 'confusing' to his half-sibling (who is not old enough to talk......) if he calls her by name. I am incensed.

AIBU? He's MY SON.

YANBU
My children adore my DP and have asked if they can call him Dad. I have gently told them no, that they have a dad (who they see regularly) and that they can call DP by his name and still see him as a father figure. Believe me, I don’t owe my ex anything, but I think it would be pretty awful of me to encourage (or even not deter) that. It’s not necessary.

Bloody hell. Put her in her place with utmost urgency. This is scary. Sounds like my worst nightmare. Involve whoever you deem necessary, she's not only crossed the line she's erased it and made her own. Sounds completely unhinged.

@PHSG

I can't be the one to implode it. DS would not understand nor would he forgive me. They have me over an emotional barrel and they know it.

I have been gradually reducing contact though, shaving off an hour here and there to reclaim my time, then again, and again. She will not get him.

Well she is a mum to him. You said you are all very inclusive. What more could you want of a step mum but for her to treat her the same as her biological children

There's a difference between treating them as your own and claiming them as your own. What this woman is doing is erasing his actual mother.

@novasglow She is on antipsych meds. She is actually scary sometimes. Which is why we are all 'not allowed to upset her' and how she gets away with it.

I am also mentally ill - but I don't use that as an excuse to fuck up other peoples lives and relationships with their children.

My dad and his wife have been together since I was 14 not once did she ever ask or expect me to call her Mum, I have 3 half siblings. I think it’s a calculated play in her part. If my DP and I ever split up and his new GF said that to my dc I’d be fuming. She’s lucky she’s allowed in his life.

Way to goad, Robo! Biological mothers don’t place unreasonable demands on their children and lie about their name. But you know that, don’t you.

How many nights a week does DS live with them?

@oohmavis Nail on head. I have bought him FIVE (cheap) mobile phones so far so we can keep in touch while he is away (otherwise I dont hear a thing).

She has put every one 'somewhere safe' and it....magically never returns. It has got to the point where I have installed a fucking landline now so he can call me. She simply spirits me away, and him into her delusion. I am genuinely concerned.

It’s all very well not going crazy in front of your ds, you don’t need to. You can communicate a calm but extremely firm message via email. Keep reiterating to ds that stepmum is ‘name’, only you are mum. God, this is making me stupid angry for you.

Bloody hell this is awful. No shes not his fucking mother.

I would organise a face to face just you and her and tell her straight. Fuck not upsetting her.

@Lana

Always fewer than he spends with me, but it varies (I work shifts). I am his main home and primary caregiver. And always will be.

Herring have you thought about stopping contact and sharing your concerns with SS?

Oh @Herringb0ne I really feel for you.

But pls pls speak to XH in isolation, just you and him as this is serious and your concerns are real and not unreasonable.

I would take this to court, that he not to be known as any other name, that he isn't to call step parents mum and to have contact with dad.

She is obviously not taking the right medication.

How often is he there.
Your ex is not protecting his child from this woman.

With dad not her*

I would have to do it when DS isnt going to be at theirs for a while as need the dust to settle before he goes back. I worry if I kick off, that she will double down with something nastier.

Darling she as a mum to him whether you like it or not. Biological mum's and Step mum's are both kinds of mum's. It might upset you but if you take away their Time with him they could end up with custody. Maybe you should see if family therapy is an option

You are his mother, time to let the shit hit the fan, she may have issues, but if you don't address this, your son could end up with them too.
Her behaviour is unacceptable.

ughhhhh

my ds is 8 and he is a kind and sensitive little boy - he would react as yours has to emotional manipulation. it's so out of order.

@FourChickens

Yes but she would retaliate in kind. She has no grounds - I am an excellent mother - no booze/drugs/inappropriate partners/abuse here. But I have a feeling she would go jugular if I took 'her little hero' away and it's not a risk I am willing to take.

are you on glue @RoboJesus

you are spouting shite