to think she's trying to steal my child

[Herringb0ne]

Hiya. Single mum to DS7 here. Have been a single mum from pretty much birth.

Dad has a new partner who he has been with for a number of years. I have gone out of my way to be friendly and inclusive, we have group facebook chat for arrangements, I get her birthday and Christmas presents, etc. In return I am treated like an inconvenience.

They now have a child together, DS7s half sibling.

She has on her Instagram profile that she is a 'Happy mother of two boys!!!' and so help me god I have not been able to rest about it. She is NOT MY SONS MOTHER. But nobody else thinks this is weird. I tried to raise it with Dad and he shrugged it off and said I was being sensitive.

DS7 later told me that she has told him to call her Mummy as it is apparently 'confusing' to his half-sibling (who is not old enough to talk......) if he calls her by name. I am incensed.

AIBU? He's MY SON.

At first I thought she was just a bit nuts but after reading your update she is bat sh*t crazy!! Needs stamping on right now, I would not be putting up with that at all.....

I am a step mum of three and would never push them to call me mum. And they don’t see their mum at all. This lady is over stepping the mark by a mile.

I feel like I'm in a very slow horror movie

Wow. No wonder you're fuming.

This has to stop, it's lunacy and not fair on you or your DS

How did you react after the swimming incident, did you get an apology or anything?

I can't actually believe it. I'd be murderous.

@oohmavis

I was absolutely murderous. Made to feel like a pedo or a loopy junkie trying to steal my own kid. I calmed down a LOT before I raised it but they were very very dismissive. 'Oh his cousins go there too so it was just easier to register them as a family, you've upset her now.........'

Nope in that case YADNBU. She needs to back off.

The surname thing would have had me in tears. Similar thong happened once when we picked DSS up from school disco - his gran had taken him there (his mum's mum) and signed him in using her surname/his mum's maiden name. So they wouldn't let us take DSS home because they "didn't have a child here by that name". It wasn't even his mum's surname anymore, I genuinely think his gran couldn't bare to even write her grandsons surname because it 'belonged' to my DH, who she hated.

YANBU, I would go fucking mental at this. I don’t give a shit how much drama this would cause, I’d be having serious words with her about making him feel shit about leaving her alone and I would certainly be telling her to fuck right off with him calling her mummy. Reinforce to YOUR ds that she is ‘name’ and only you are mummy. She’s obviously batshit. I’d also demand new certificates from swimming but I’m a bitch.

Fucks sake I'd be saying you're not going round there anymore!

OK, note from your son on Instagram, " Wicked, not two sons but one, from your step so"

The swimming incident was a step too far.

Otherwise, ask if she is pregnant again as you only know of one... and should you start knitting?

'Oh his cousins go there too so it was just easier to register them as a family, you've upset her now.

Seriously, who gives a fuck? How about you being upset?! Stupid cow, she’s not right.

When my dsc were younger the littlest one did go through a phase of calling me mum, which I ignored/said no I’m roadrunner etc. She grew out of it. Same as their mum’s boyfriend has always been ‘Geoffrey’ not ‘dad’. Personally I’d only be ok with calling another man or woman mum and dad if there isn’t an active parent invloved already, and if it was what the child felt comfortable with.

Now I have dc of my own, the dsc sometimes refer to me as mummy if they’re talking about me to my dc eg “mummy wants you”, “look at mummy” etc. But if they are talking about me to someone else, or directly to me I’m always roadrunner. Same I suppose if I were to talk about my dp, if I was talking about him to my children I’d say daddy wants you to tidy up, to anyone else he would be mike (no real names used).

My dc sometimes call me by my first name but not very often. It’s a non issue really.

It should be up to the child what they call their step-parents so she's very out of order trying to dictate what he calls her.

I called my Step-Dad "Dad" and Step-Mom by her first name, both decisions with names were made by my sister and myself.

My Step-Dad had been in my life more than bio dad and since I was a toddler. Step-Mom had been in my life since I was 9 and largely viewed us as a necessary evil. If it matters my Step-Dad and Mom never had children together while my Step-Mom is the mother of my younger half-brother.

I'm nOt in your situation but I'd absolutely lose my shit over this! Your child, her step child and she needs to realise the bloody difference and bollocks if she gets the hump ! Unacceptable behaviour on her part

The swimming thing would absolutely be an argument for me - that's outrageous she's being a shit!

If I were you OP I'd stop being the nice guy. Who gives a shit if she's upset? They clearly don't give a shit about your boundaries, or feelings. Boot her out of the whatsapp group, she doesn't need to be in it. Strip things back to formality. You're his mum, you have a name (who the fuck uses a codename to describe a child's mother in front of them?), and it's not hers to take.

for you. She sounds loopy.

She registered him in her name because she didn't want anyone to ask her any awkward questions she couldn't answer. What contact details did she leave? I bet my left nut she told them he was her son. Hence the safeguarding and ringing her for HER permission to take YOUR son.

Post a beautiful picture of you and your boy. Caption - me and my gorgeous son. I'm such a lucky Mum.

Bloody hell, OP. In your shoes I’d have her guts for garters. And I’m a step mum.

She behaves like this but you’re the one being called sensitive?! YADNBU!

If the swimming thing and the ‘call me mum’ bullshit is not being taken seriously by your ex then I’d have one last attempt at a very serious talk with him and then get legal advice.

Why is the gf involved in the swimming if it’s a thing he does with his dad? Does she take him instead? And did your ex not say something about the wrong name on swimming certificate? Did they ask DS to not say anything about it.

He’s 7 and is trying to maintain a relationship with his dad - that is hard enough without the new sibling and this bonkers woman. Does he get any 1:1 time alone wit his dad? Time to point out to these two adults that they need to put him before their own wishes.

OP I am literally 😲

I'm 30, dss is 6, been around since he was 1, he calls me by my name because anything else would be FUCKING WEIRD and so so so so inappropriate.

How does DS feel about calling her mum???

You’ve upset her now???

Sorry, but security were going to remove you and separate you from your own son because of this nutter. Why would that upset HER? The boys Dad needs to get a grip.

Dude YASNBU and you have to have a word with XP about this pronto. You have to. As you have told us.

If you can invite an adult conversation and go into it with clear defined aims then should he start calling you crazy etc means you’d have no option but to request he stays away from CrazyLady. That means no visits to their house.

See you your Ex likes that.

He seems to feel guilty and sad about it.

I have never ever ever even let a flicker of annoyance show in front of him. Never badmouthed them. Only ever been sunny sunny Mary fucking Poppins.

But inside I am dying of rage.

Also, your poor boy. A 7yo is not equipped to deal with this, not with the weird dynamic she's created and how emotionally inappropriate she is with him. My 8yo would be a mess.

Your present situation is not working so change it.

Anger is an energy....

They live together. Banning him from her would be banning him from Dad. And he would be upset by that.

Her family all treat me like shit on their shoe, too.

And totally agree with Mavis:

If I were you OP I'd stop being the nice guy. Who gives a shit if she's upset? They clearly don't give a shit about your boundaries, or feelings. Boot her out of the whatsapp group, she doesn't need to be in it. Strip things back to formality.

Keep your comms are with your ex, not her and set your boundaries without apology.

Seven can be the beginning of sensitive times for boys. Your DS doesn’t need to navigate the nonsense of these two muppets.