to think she's trying to steal my child

[Herringb0ne]

Hiya. Single mum to DS7 here. Have been a single mum from pretty much birth.

Dad has a new partner who he has been with for a number of years. I have gone out of my way to be friendly and inclusive, we have group facebook chat for arrangements, I get her birthday and Christmas presents, etc. In return I am treated like an inconvenience.

They now have a child together, DS7s half sibling.

She has on her Instagram profile that she is a 'Happy mother of two boys!!!' and so help me god I have not been able to rest about it. She is NOT MY SONS MOTHER. But nobody else thinks this is weird. I tried to raise it with Dad and he shrugged it off and said I was being sensitive.

DS7 later told me that she has told him to call her Mummy as it is apparently 'confusing' to his half-sibling (who is not old enough to talk......) if he calls her by name. I am incensed.

AIBU? He's MY SON.

I would not be happy at all and without even speaking to you about it first.
As long as Im alive and kicking Im the only mum my dc will have.

I would hate that, yanbu imo. My ex and I promised each other when ds was born, that if we ever split we wouldn't do this, unless one of us did a runner or passed away (aka one of us left a void in ds's life, so to speak). She's his stepmum, and make it clear to your ex, and her if possible, you'd rather they stick with that, as you feel it's best to start as you mean to go on.

Fucking hell, I don't know how you haven't gone ballistic.

I am laughing at the idea of suggesting on instagram/facebook that you had a surrogate baby brother for your DS!

They're way too invested in to playing happy blended family and not just happy blended family but happy 2 point four blended family. NUTS

YANBU. She's deluded.

I can definitely relate.
Single mum since my DD was 1. She's now 6. Her dad has had contact when he feels like it. He now has a newborn with new girlfriend who is a fair bit younger. Suddenly she's posting all over social media about "their family" and how she couldn't ask for a better one, complete with emojis depicting a Dad, Mum and two daughters. Contact still when he feels like it. It's like she's unofficially adopted my DD and I don't exist. Regardless of the fact I've managed on my own all this time and continue to do so. Makes my blood boil tbh. I try to write it off as CF behaviour and hope he doesn't do the same to her as he did to me. The Mummy thing though should definitely be challenged... that's beyond the pale

Coming from this at a slightly different angle but whatever she calls herself (or indeed asks your son to call her) doesn’t diminish your relationship with him in any way.

Does she love and care for him? Is he happy there?

She’s probably paranoid that her baby is going to start calling her Barbara (insert actual name) as that’s what your son and her dp call her. Not your sons problem though and he should call her what he feels comfortable with.

YAsoooNBU
I’d be fuming and no way could I have kept a lid on it. I’d have to call a meeting and let my feelings and wishes be known and if she couldn’t abide by them then not allow her contact. Sorry but I think she’s way overstepping the mark, she is not his Mum and has no right imply she is and as for her own DS it’s up to her to make him understand not accommodate a lie.

whatever she calls herself (or indeed asks your son to call her) doesn’t diminish your relationship with him in any way

Of course not, but it's still completely unacceptable.

It would boil my blood but personally I don't think I would be able to say anything. My DD calls my husband dad, has done for about 3 years. She just decided to call him dad one day. Her real dad knows about it, I call him step dad or by his name to her but she still calls him dad. To me it's the same if a woman was married to her dad and she called her mum.
As long as your DC is happy and understands that you are their REAL mother then I'd not say anything. Help him realise she is a step parent, not a biological parent and as such has no rights over him as a parent would.

My DSD calls me by my name. When she first came into my life she wanted to call me mummy but I had to be very hard and ignore her until she called me by my name as I wouldn't want her calling me mum. We have given her a younger sibling too and he's managed to deal with it all quite easily. I do however say that we/I have 3 children rather than I'm a mum of 3. Sometimes we quantify it other times we don't dependent on the situation.

I should add - a few months ago I went to pick DS up from swimming. It's always been something he does with Dad as it falls on the right days. I was told I couldn't pick my son up as 'theres nobody here of that name'. I repeated his name - and they repeated it and told me if I didn't leave they would call security. I whipped my phone out and got a photo of him (in an absolute panic by now). They told me to wait while they called Her.

She had registered him for swimming under her surname. So all of his swimming certificates had the wrong name on.

I have checked - she hasnt dared do it anywhere else but the row that caused took WEEKS to settle down.

She isnt embracing him. She's stealing him.

My wonderful, amazing, better than my biological father DSF has always been [his first name] to me - even after my half siblings came along. They never really questioned that I didn't call him dad(dy), and were only told when they were older that he wasn't my dad. I've called him dad once or twice, but it didn't quite feel right, even though he basically is. And they've only called him by his first name once or twice, and that was just to test boundaries. It didn't last.

She ibvvvu - you are your DS's mum, and it's up to him whether or not he wants to call her mum as well, and that can't be forced by her.

Fucking hell

@TaighNamGastaOrt I used to call both my stepmother and god mother "mummy [their name]". However I was never forced to call either of them that and my mum thought it was sweet.

Other kids in my family randomly will call an adult woman around their mum's age they get on with well "mummy [their name]" however again they are never forced.

I'd kick right off

who gives a toss if it's a mouthful for her to say mum and stepmum in her insta bio? why does she need to refer to her kids in it? I don't in mine, I have an identity all of my very own cheers.

agree with Sharron needles, time to nip this crazy shit in the bud. how would she feel if another woman was calling herself mum to her son? how would ex feel if you got our ds to call another man daddy? pair of fucking loons

Whoah, absolutely not on.

Why would she even do the swimming thing? Does your son have your ex's surname? That's bizarre, and really disturbing.

Jesus, x posted with your update

she is loop the frigging loop

Fuck that shit. No more nicey. She is trying to steal him.

It has got to a point where it feels like a dystopian gaslighting nightmare tbqh. She makes me feel like I am mental for even having a problem with it.

Also she did the 'call me mum' thing before her own DS came along. My DS has only just told me about it.

He also told me that he worries about leaving her 'on her own' when he leaves Daddys, that she says he is her 'best friend' and she 'can't cope without her little hero'. So he gets angsty and frets - at seven - and feels guilty at being in his own home.

She is a THIRTY YEAR OLD WOMAN. And yes, I have fucking concerns about her.

I would contact ex and say you are accepting this. But that any future partner you have will be called dad by your son.

@oohmavis Nope, he has MY surname. He offed before the birth certificate, so, he has my name.

@Toads she really is, isn't she?!