to think she's trying to steal my child

[Herringb0ne]

Hiya. Single mum to DS7 here. Have been a single mum from pretty much birth.

Dad has a new partner who he has been with for a number of years. I have gone out of my way to be friendly and inclusive, we have group facebook chat for arrangements, I get her birthday and Christmas presents, etc. In return I am treated like an inconvenience.

They now have a child together, DS7s half sibling.

She has on her Instagram profile that she is a 'Happy mother of two boys!!!' and so help me god I have not been able to rest about it. She is NOT MY SONS MOTHER. But nobody else thinks this is weird. I tried to raise it with Dad and he shrugged it off and said I was being sensitive.

DS7 later told me that she has told him to call her Mummy as it is apparently 'confusing' to his half-sibling (who is not old enough to talk......) if he calls her by name. I am incensed.

AIBU? He's MY SON.

At our pool you would and there are lots of children, classes run all week. There is one man who deals with it all and he knows everyone’s name and face. It’s not at a leisure centre pool, it’s a private pool. I don’t think he’d call call security though because there isn’t any, he’d more likely call the “parent”

The pp comment about gas lighting has really made me think.
Quite right that we shouldn't just accept things that are wrong in front of children. We should stand up and say no that's wrong, if ... happens you can say something.
You're not being nasty about anyone but he should know what's acceptable.

Back to the swimming ......

What would happen in an emergency?

NHS would have no records of a child with that name. Who would they contact as next of kin? What about possible allergies etc? That could be life threatening with the wrong medication?

I think you need professional advice.

Good luck.

Bloody hell, she sounds scary as shit!
I'd be having firm words with your ex and telling him that batshit woman has way overstepped many lines.
If he thinks her actions are justified then he's been bloody brainwashed or is shit scared of her.
Your poor little boy.

I’ve heard some things on here but this takes the first fucking prize. There is no way to say this politely so I’ll just get straight to it.
Fuck off and fuck off again to him calling you mum. I’m wouldnt expect support from your ex, he would have vetoed it already if he had any calls.

Balls not calls

Not to scare you OP but the danger is this

‘I’m Timmy’s stepmum but he calls me mum because my partner’s ex - the child’s biological mother is not very maternal. She told me to register him with my gp as she can’t cope due to her illnesses.

We do all his activities with him and Timmy asked to use my surname at swimming.

She even told the school to put me as s contact instead of her because she can’t always answer the phone due to illness.

Even though she isn’t much of a mum to him sometimes she goes into overdrive. She sent him to our house with five mobile phones in his bag and then she said she didn’t want them anymore. Here they are in this drawer in case she changes her mind.

I think she is jealous I’m together with Gavin as she thought they would get back together. After I had my baby she copied my hairstyle and outfits.

She calls me a nutter because I have bipolar. I’ve been doing well on medicine for 4 years now so it’s hurtful when she implies I’m crazy...’

And so on. You would then be on the back foot saying ‘oh no, she’s lying, it’s because she’s mentally ill!’

Do you see now why you MUST ‘get in first’ and why you MUST document everything in a way where it is clear she has done something crazy?

SoShiny, that has made me feel very, very uncomfortable.

Op please get proper legal advice.

Am I missing something.This woman is your exh s girlfriend,not your son's sternum.?

Another one thinking you should list your concerns and the incidents your have mentioned here and see a solicitor for advice. And mention her MH diagnosis. It might be worth a letter making it clear she has no PR , and should not be enrolling for classes etc as a parent
It might be worth checking to see that she hasn't somehow managed to get parental responsibilty. She shouldn't have been able to but she sounds determined enough to try.
www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility
I also agree with PP about getting forms from swimming club and "her" doctors if you can.

if she tries to use your disability against you - you use her diagnosed mental health against her.

Please listen to @SoShinySoChrome and @DaisyMay please OP.

OP you sound like a really fun Mum!

You can get ahead of this, use your smarts and take control. Really great advice on here, start a "To Do" list...

If you can I'd try read up as much as possible on this scenario to see how it's played out for others and what they would have done differently and when...

Another important thing could be to document her moods/ups/downs especially if it can be backed up with evidence of Drs etc - just incase she try's to attack your character in future you can go right back with that!

Good luck OP xxx

Stop hiding it from your son. Be honest about your concerns in an age appropriate way.

This don’t count on him working iout for himself. All you have to say is I am your mum, no one can replace me. If it comes back to her and there is drama, you can just all I did was tell him the truth.

It might also be a good idea to remind him gently that he is a child, he should be leaning on the adults in his life not the other way around. He shouldn’t feel guilty or responsible for anyone. Probably best not to mention her name when saying that though.

I would do jsut about everything the posters on page 11 (I’m on my phone) recommend - penguinbollards, suitedandbooted , and others eg request medical records, speak to your son.

Document everything and call SS for advice

I have a baby girl and 2 step daughters. I would never dream of asking the 2 step daughters to call me mum.

I can understand saying she has 2 sons, but only in front of the kids and in a way that makes your child feel included. I constantly worry that the 2 girls think we love the baby more or that they aren't as important.......this is mainly because their horrid mother feeds them lies. But I wouldn't put it on fb.

I think u need to have a word, just say 'I appreciate the reasoning but I feel it is inappropriate for my son to call u mum as it is confusing him and he is not ur son' perhaps u could ask her out for a coffee and make it a friendly chat? As for her son, not everyone calls her mum so I doubt one more person calling her by her actual name will confuse him! I'm sure she wouldn't want her son calling another women Mum!

I would do anything to have a ex wife/Mum of step daughters as accommodating as you! You are doing a great job xx

@Oldieandgoldie

SoShiny, that has made me feel very, very uncomfortable

I agree. It's scary as hell. Just like the hand that rocks the cradle.

Take action to protect yourself and your DS. Your dealing with a realkt crazy and devious woman.

That your Ex can't see this is disturbing.

I wouldn't say anything to her without someone else present . Defo not friendly coffee just the two of you - she could say you threatened her or anything ! Then it's your word against hers

What longwayoff? Did you read the OP?

Robo ODFOD.

He's old enough to know what his surname is, so that's a start. It could have been much, much worse if he'd been younger.

I'm thoroughly fucked up, because the people I thought were my mum and dad turned out to be my grandparents.

It's Single White Female isn't it?

I am a mum and a stepmum. We had all of our kids with us. I will refer to them as ‘our’ children. But never ‘mine’ in relation to the stepchildren. Their own children do call me Nanny though. I assume because I’ve always been there.

As for the ‘mum’ think. My ex’s wife invited my children to call her ‘mum’ and my eldest apparently turned very slowly and told her ‘no, we won’t be doing that’ lol. And I’m very glad because it’s a role I don’t plan on sharing with anyone.

My children call their amazing stepdad by name. His children call me by name too.

You must keep us updated what happens , so many stories on here with no ending 😭 and we're all rooting for you !!
I'm still wondering what happened to the woman who's husband was filming her in her sleep