to think she's trying to steal my child

[Herringb0ne]

Hiya. Single mum to DS7 here. Have been a single mum from pretty much birth.

Dad has a new partner who he has been with for a number of years. I have gone out of my way to be friendly and inclusive, we have group facebook chat for arrangements, I get her birthday and Christmas presents, etc. In return I am treated like an inconvenience.

They now have a child together, DS7s half sibling.

She has on her Instagram profile that she is a 'Happy mother of two boys!!!' and so help me god I have not been able to rest about it. She is NOT MY SONS MOTHER. But nobody else thinks this is weird. I tried to raise it with Dad and he shrugged it off and said I was being sensitive.

DS7 later told me that she has told him to call her Mummy as it is apparently 'confusing' to his half-sibling (who is not old enough to talk......) if he calls her by name. I am incensed.

AIBU? He's MY SON.

OMG, OP. I have never read anything like this. She is loop the fucking loop and loop again.

I think you need to put your concerns to your ex in writing so there is some trail should you need it. Along the lines of 'ex, we need to discuss the inappropriate behaviour of [insert name of crazy psycho bitch]. Particular instances of concern are a) calling her Mum b) making son feel guilty and responsible for COMING HOME, c) swimming surname, d) moving doctors and [insert any more examples you have]. I understand she is mentally ill with [insert mental illness] but her behaviour isn't acceptable and needs to be addressed so that it doesn't continue, even if she gets upset. Our son's welfare and mental health is at stake and he needs to be both of our priority in this.'

Your ex may go crazy but at least then you are able to say that you reasonably tried to raise and deal with the issues with him should it all turn nasty. SS would be in agreement that the new girlfriend has absolutely no right to make those sorts of decisions on behalf of a child that isn't hers. And definitely not emotionally manipulate him. Christ, what a piece of work she is.

Best of luck, OP. I'm off to bed but will no doubt lay awake fuming on your behalf.

Just read the update.

Add e) contact list at school.

It just gets worse and worse. She's unhinged.

"No one is fooled by baking Barbie Stepford Wife. She one tablet away from total meltdown."

^This. She sounds unhinged. She changed his gp practice without permission? Is that even legal? Does she have parental authority? If your ex isn't on the birth cert, technically I'd have thought even he wouldn't be allowed to do that?

If she kicks off again, you could tell your ex your ds can go back once she's spoken to a gp, and had her medication reviewed. Record any erratic phonecalls (shouting or threats made or whatever). Make sure ex knows that he's perfectly welcome to visit him in yours, or take him somewhere local to you (without her) until then. Tell ds she's ill at the moment, but nothing serious, she just needs rest and to not have her tantrums given in to, to keep the peace.

Yep - you need to note everything down, seek legal advice/contact Citizens' Advice. Good luck and always remain calm and rational/objective.

And yes I agree log everything weird she does, time, date and recordings of calls or texts that are related. Ds will be able to corroborate a lot of it (telling him she feels anxious when he's not there, and worrying him etc).

Dad is on BC and re PR, he has overridden as she does school runs too (her DS is at nursery on school grounds). 'Easier for her' the same old trope... Nobody asks what is best for US.

She is mad and I have always known she is trying to muscle in. I put it down to insecurity and naievety (oh i didnt know he couldnt be registered at 2 doctors, i thought i was being helpful? bambi eyes) but think adding it all up makes a very sinister picture.

More info - I am disabled and my condition has deteriorated over the last few years. I can still be an amazing parent. I have help with housework twice a week and am on some excellent pain management drugs. I occasionally need walking aids. Just after my diagnosis DS was late to school a few times as my meds literally knocked me out cold. I have adjusted now and he hasnt been late once in the entire school year. My disability rarely affects my work and never affects my parenting - DS has helped me off the floor a few times when a joint has locked and he knows where the heat pads/ice is kept, but we have fun and it doesnt stop that.

I fear she will use my disability against me if it does get down to a dirty fight. I am a brilliant Mum. Just a slightly broken one.

Take all the advise you've been given here - writing things down , saving emails , screenshots , spk to school etc etc doctors good idea about the anxiety etc. Wrote everything down that's already happened -you could title it ' causes for concern and write a list. Once you've done al of that and covered all bases might be an idea to write to them with your concerns -that way you can't be mis-quoted -it's there in black and white forever .

And for gods sake keep us posted ! I've read all of that and am rooting for you!!! 🤘

Honestly, I cant just cut contact. DS would never forgive me and it would be unfair to him to suddenly whip half his life away from under him.

I am noting down everything. Wow my therapist and I are going to have a field day tomorrow!

Thankyou everyone. I feel worse and better, all at once.

Get busy building your case against her - I would take this to court and set some clear boundaries for further contact. Also I would try and have a witness for any drop offs etc so you've got someone to back up what's been said . Load the pistol babe and when you've got everything written down let them bloody have it

I would recommend you sign up for young carers for him. It shows you are being proactive. If the school offer any support in the way of EHA/CAF accept as it shows you are willing to accept support. If Cafcass get involved they usually speak to the schooland parents who access support are looked at more favourably.Also, you can ring MASH confidentially and report concerns and family members don’t need to know where it comes from.

But I agree put it all in writing so it’s been addressed

X

It doesn't sound like your disability affects your parenting though, you've probably got loads of great coping strategies in place. All of us have pain or accidents our children help with from time to time, from fetching meds or inhalers or what not, to helping us up if we fall and are struggling etc. As long as you weren't drunk or totally stung out at the time, I'd say that's nothing to worry about, from a safeguarding point of view.

Plausible psycho sounds like a whole other kettle of fish though. So much unreasonable and weird behaviour.

She sounds dangerously nuts with the updates. I wouldn’t stress too much about what she could say about your disability, you sound like you have it managed and she’s verifiably a bit unstable regarding your Ds! Can your ex be that great a dad if he dismisses all this batshit behaviour? Taking you off the school contact list?!!!

I would get young carers involved too. My kids do it, they send them on day trips and residential trips for time away and can give the one on one time with a social worker who works there, he may open up to someone about her and looks good for you too.

Screenshot her Instagrams that copy you, showing dates and screenshots yours so they tally up and can clearly show she is copying. Keep everything. I would take him to the GP, about anxiety etc but don't mention being away from her upsets him. If they put that on his notes and misunderstand it that could go in her favour.

I'm really worried for him, and you. It is like a horror movie... I'd be telling friends where you think she will be hiding your body. Creepy woman.

Your ex is failing your son too, how can he not see it? Were you with him long? Could he be encouraging her?

Oh that's annoying. I have a DS but am also step mom. Whilst I get on really well with stepson there's a place for everyone and he has a mom and that's not me. I wouldn't dream of telling him to call me mom. Not fair on him or her. I would find it annoying

This really would make me fume. I wish you well as you have a lot to deal with.

I think that although his dad is not a problem/danger in himself, he is blindly enabling someone who is a problem/danger.

How would he react if you were to show him this thread?

Personally, I would seek legal advice, just to explore possible avenues of dealing with this, and also as proof of your concerns in case you need it at a later date.

Why are you texting her daily?
Surely all communication reguarding your child should be with his father?
If his father decides to pass on the messages or pickups etc that's down to him to arrange rather than you and her?

Stop it now!

For the pp saying leave it to DS to call her what he wants. No

If he wants to call the next door neighbour or teacher mum would it be okay. Nor at all.

My children don't call anyone mummy except me. Simple. If a stepmum tried this it wouldn't go down well.

I didn't go through 34 hours of painful labour between the DC, for them to call anyone else mum/mummy thank you very much.

Nice that she's inclusive...but there's a line not to be crossed.

@GreenTulips - joint FB group to make arrangements. I did it because messages frequently went missing or got twisted, so to make sure everything was clear and in one place. Unfortunately I cant do arrangements just with Dad - I tried that and it went very wrong!

eg they didnt pass messages to each other and she would use it as an excuse to do what she wanted. Now there's no excuse.

I didn't go through 34 hours of painful labour between the DC, for them to call anyone else mum/mummy thank you very much

Although it’s really not the point of the thread any more, it’s just a title. It doesn’t diminish the fact you are the mother or the fact you laboured.

OP you mentioned she's on antipsychotics, do you know her diagnosis? Sounds like her thoughts towards your son could be related to her illness. If she is experiencing delusions atm your ex isn't helping her either by ignoring this and he certainly isn't helping his son.

I'd encourage you to consider reporting concerns to social services. You can document some of these past incidents. In that context her trying to badmouth you to Social Services may actually strengthen your argument.

Honestly Quaffley? i think her behaviour towards my son is just a desire to have her perfect little family and act like I don't exist. I cant say her diagnosis, it's too 'outing' - but it is serious.