to think she's trying to steal my child

[Herringb0ne]

Hiya. Single mum to DS7 here. Have been a single mum from pretty much birth.

Dad has a new partner who he has been with for a number of years. I have gone out of my way to be friendly and inclusive, we have group facebook chat for arrangements, I get her birthday and Christmas presents, etc. In return I am treated like an inconvenience.

They now have a child together, DS7s half sibling.

She has on her Instagram profile that she is a 'Happy mother of two boys!!!' and so help me god I have not been able to rest about it. She is NOT MY SONS MOTHER. But nobody else thinks this is weird. I tried to raise it with Dad and he shrugged it off and said I was being sensitive.

DS7 later told me that she has told him to call her Mummy as it is apparently 'confusing' to his half-sibling (who is not old enough to talk......) if he calls her by name. I am incensed.

AIBU? He's MY SON.

Would this come under the parental alienation law?

American definition, but still

@Herringb0ne

Now it’s absokutely irrefutable that YANBU and that she’s clearly a potential risk to your son (NOT because of the MH in itself but the nature of her illness PLUS the evidence you have) what do you propose to do?

Agree with the suggestions to get SS and courts involved. This woman is illegally attempting to assume parental responsibility and your DS is being made to feel pressured about her emotional well-being. You need a court order to prevent her attempting to assume parental responsibility and SS intervention to prevent her pressuring your DS with her MH issues.

I would be hitting the roof too OP. But I would also be getting legal advice as the swimming pool incident rings enormous warning bells!

"springydaff

Would this come under the parental alienation law?

American definition, but still"

I would think so since it is his step-monster and his father is allowing and even encouraging it to happen by the sounds of it.

Document everything.

Talk to school about your concerns, ensure it's documented with them.

Talk to Drs surgery about concerns, ensure it's documented with them.

Talk to any kids clubs about concerns, ensure it's documented with them.

Basically, build the biggest fucking paper trail regarding her being a nutter you possibly can so when shit goes South, you have acres of evidence behind you.

Op, be careful about mentioning her MH issues. If you're scared she's going to use your disability against you in her parenting stakes, don't dive in and badmouth her about hers. The more serious it is, the worse it will make you sound.

Has she not had any more DCs because she can't come off the meds long enough?

No one will or indeed can use your disability against you when it comes to parenting. Only neglect and abuse count.

Re the Swimming Certificates using her surname.

Did you or your ex/her sign your son up for lessons? When you do activities like this there is usually a form that goes:

1. Child's name & details
2. Adult signer-upper (!) name and details
3. Adult's RELATIONSHIP TO CHILD

Going on other things, if she filled the form in, she may well have put "mother". If so, it would be a useful piece of evidence of her general attitude to you, and frankly, her delusions.

I would go down to the pool at a quiet time, with clear evidence of who you, and your son are, and insist on seeing the registration form. You have the certificate in the WRONG name, so you can ask to see it, and say you want to check the contact details.

Believe me, kid's clubs etc are really keen on getting contact details right, - it's v.important if there is an emergency.

Yabu to the first. I say i have threeboys because while DPs are here I take on that role because that's the family dynamic. It's easier than saying I have one he has the other. And it stops the second wife looks.

Yanbu to the mum she's on something if she things thats acceptable I'd say it to her too

@PHSG - i'm going to have a very long hard think about how to proceed.

@Suited - I can only assume she registered him.

clary

it's so sad you are ashamed to be a second wife so pretend that other mothers children are your own

@Suited - I can only assume she registered him.

In that case i would get down there, and AS HIS MOTHER, insist on seeing the form & contact details he was registered with. She appears to have renamed your son - that is batshit!

If she has put herself as "Mother/NOK" you need to get a copy (or picture if they won't/can't), and add it to the formal evidence of her behavior.

I think this may be getting legal soon. Good luck OP

this is scary (the hand that rocks the cradle shit)

Yes get down to the swimming pool ASAP 🤭😮 shocking !!

She did try to bump me off the contact list at school too, a year or so ago. I went APE

I hadn't seen this or the changing his surname at swimming when I posted yesterday.

This woman is on another planet. I'm seething for you. How dare she try and push you out of your son's life.

The reduction in contact is a good move. Sadly when men (and women) are blinded in love, they can't see the obvious with their partners.

How he tried to defend the swimming incident is beyond me.

She's the kind of woman you see in movies and think this could never happen IRL. But for the odd couple of people who think her behaviour is okay...it shows more like-minded people are with us.

I do hope things improve. You're very smart. You've got her number and know her games. You need wise moves with this kind of craziness. He'll soon be in full possession of his phone as he gets older and she can't 'loose it'.

I recall another forum where the father said his wife wanted his Ex to disappear. She wanted to be the mother of his kids.

She's done some very sick things anonymously to get at his Ex. Sadly...these nasty lunatics exist.

I really hope this comes to an end.

I see how some pp suggested moving across the globe.

I'd be contacting the swimming place to have the certificates corrected...regardless of cost.

He's got certificates in a name that's not his. Who does that?

She's like Rebecca Demornay in the hand that rocks the cradle.

As a child of a crazy parent I implore you to stop hiding your rage from your DS. Don't pretend she is reasonable and don't pretend you are happy with her behaviour.

Chances are DS is way way more concerned than he's letting. Imagine getting your swimming certificate in a false name.and being made to pretend it is your real name at 6/7 years of age. Can you imagine the fear? The confusion?

Grown ups making excuses for the crazy adults, grown ups pretending everything is fine, fucked with my head. It took me and my siblings years to learn how to build proper boundaries with bad people.

It seems like your son knows he is being groomed even though he doesn't know that word. It is important to explain to him in age appropriate language what is being done, that it is wrong, that you will protect him, that he can talk to you about anything, that you will not let him be stolen.

Don't gaslight your child.

Be honest.

It is also tremendously helpful to know that a parent who is failing to protect them is indeed failing, even if that parent (his dad) is actually quite nice on the easy stuff. Again in age appropriate language in a way that helps him push his dad to step up.

Ultimately you are his mother. Don't leave him in harm's way because you are afraid he will be upset if his dad cuts him off because his psychotic step mother had a tantrum because you stood up for yourself and your son. He might be angry for a while but you can remind him of who did the cutting off and as he gets older he'll see them for what they are, if you stop helping them hide the crazy.

OP, in addition to SuitedandBooted's suggestion to get a copy of the swimmning registration form, it might be worthwhile seeing if you can get a copy of the form used to register your son at the other Drs.

Also, if I were you, I'd request a copy of your son's medical records. In the time your son was actually registered at the other Drs, she may have taken him to an appointment there for whatever reason, perhaps as part of the grooming stuff.

Good suggestions re seeing the registration form for swimming and the doctors. It's beyond crazy and your son must be confused by this nonsense.

I can't imagine suddenly getting a swimming certificate with a surname that's not mine at 7 years of age.

I bet she put herself as the mother. She must have.

Same with the GP surgery. No random adult in your child's life can register them at the GP . She's simply his dad's girlfriend.

@RabbitsAreTasty

Good post and good advice.

If he's moving up a swimming group elsewhere...those certificates are useless. Their not who he is.

I've taken my niece's and nephews out before. I register them for the activity. 4 different surnames for the 8 kids...but not once did I think...I'll just give them all my surname to make it easier for the day ...and that was just for one day. Nobody would have know if I did.

I filled all the paperwork out like any sane person would.

You know your surname from preschool age...this crazy woman decides to rename him and your Ex can't see issue.

How in the Lord's name have you kept so calm. I'd have lost it.

YANBU at all! I'm a step mum and would never expect my sdcs to call me mum. And tbh, I hope they never do for the simple reason....I am not their mother! Yes I do my best for them, I play a part in bringing them up etc etc. But I'm not their mother and never will be.

I don't talk about them on social media either. I'm not massive social media anyway but very very rarely will I ever post a pic of my step children. I don't feel comfortable in doing so. Have an ok relationship with the mother too.

There has to be boundaries in place and your ex and his dp are way overstepping them. I'm currently pregnant with dc3. Step children understand it all perfectly well.

I have 2 dcs myself. I'd be absolutely gutted if another woman wanted them to call them mum. Sorry you are in this situation op.

Something just seems odd to Me.

I worked at swimming pool and if one of the parents had called in and couldn’t find their child under their name...

1. they wouldn’t automatically revert to calling the police (unless some one was kicking off) - they would actually be walked to a viewing area to see if they could spot their child.

2. the receptionist would not be able to recognise a child from a photo on a phone pic and match it to correct name as there are too many kids. (Unless they were family friends, acquaintances ect..

Just seems a bit odd

Hi op, I think that you have handled this with with incredible dignity so far. However, I think that it's time to have a good chat with your son about things. If she tries to register him in clubs with her name in future he needs to be prepared to say "No that's not my name". If she does anything that makes him uncomfortable he may be more likely to tell you if you're flagging up her inappropriate behaviour now. Kids learn their boundaries from their parents and if she's being enabled to continue like this what is he learning?

I truly hope you seek legal advice.

Stop hiding it from your son. Be honest about your concerns in an age appropriate way. That woman is beyond batshit crazy and the hold she's trying to have over YOUR child is mental and I think a safeguarding issue