Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that love at first sight is a real thing?

233 replies

Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:34

I totally believe in it. Not lust at first sight, but total "soul mates in a previous life" type feelings. But AIBU?
Watching a movie earlier with a friend who reckons LAFS is just a big load of bollocks. What do we think?

OP posts:
MountainPeakGeek · 22/07/2018 22:39

Your friend is correct. You cannot possibly love someone you don't know.

VetOnCall · 22/07/2018 22:39

I don't think you can truly love a complete stranger no. Much of love is based on knowing someone and shared experiences and values, none of which is possible with someone you've literally just clapped eyes on. Initial feelings of lust and attraction can be strong but true love grows with time.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 22/07/2018 22:40

Lust at first sight that develops into love, yes.

Love at first sight, no.

KC225 · 22/07/2018 22:41

I do think it happens to some people. Hasn't happened to me. My DH was a slow burner.

Original poster
Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:41

ah but @MountainPeakGeek have you never had the 'I've known you for a thousand years' feeling on first meeting someone? I mean it doesn't happen every day, admittedly. But it does happen now and again.... Doesn't it???

OP posts:
NumbersLetters · 22/07/2018 22:43

I think it does happen.

BMW6 · 22/07/2018 22:43

But at first sight all you know is their physical appearance. I have experienced a massive attraction at first sight - but it cannot be Love because you havent even spoken with them yet.

For all you know they might vote Tory ............Smile and according to the prevailing MN view are therefore evil cunts!

There goes the "love".

Original poster
Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:43

Or the lightning bolt feeling?

OP posts:
annandale · 22/07/2018 22:43

I believe in it up to a point. I have certainly experienced lust at first sight [happy memories] but not love at first sight. I think it's very rare. However, I have heard people describe it. I think the nicest description I know is in Flying Finish by Dick Francis, who fell in love with his wife at first sight and was happily married to her for six decades or something.

Conversely, I don't believe in soulmates. I believe, fundamentally, in timing. I think you can meet someone who is absolutely right for you at the right time for you, and you may recognise that immediately.

JacquesHammer · 22/07/2018 22:44

The French call it coup de foudre which is lightning strike.

I like that.

Original poster
Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:44

But deeper than looks. What if they're totally not your type but you get the lightning bolt feeling? Wtf is it?

OP posts:
VetOnCall · 22/07/2018 22:45

have you never had the 'I've known you for a thousand years' feeling on first meeting someone?

But that feeling isn't love. You might feel like you've known them a thousand years but in reality you don't know them at all, they could turn out to be a total dipshit and/or a massive misogynistic, homophobic racist who enjoys kicking puppies in their spare time but not reveal it for a while!

Original poster
Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:46

@BMW6 but you might be that utterly besotted that you'd forgive all their indiscretions. Such is the intensity of the feeling!

OP posts:
gwenneh · 22/07/2018 22:46

Happened to me over a decade ago - I knew absolutely the instant I met DH that this was The One.

I was not wrong.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 22/07/2018 22:47

No, it really doesn't. I read a great magazine article on this once a gazillion years ago, so this is misquoting that rather than any great thought of mine.

It said when you meet someone you're hugely drawn to because they're attractive or ring some bell for you, then what you have (effectively) is a partially completed picture. Because all you know is what you've got in front of you plus maybe some stuff around the edges if you of of them by reputation.
But you're excited because they're pressing some buttons for you, so what we do in that circumstance is fill in the blanks ourselves.

But that's not real, and not who that person is.

Sorry to piss on your chips.

I also think an immediate "connection" is based at least partly (and possibly subconsciously) on the physical. That does not a long-term partnership necessarily make!

JustVent · 22/07/2018 22:47

I’ve had the lightening bolt feeling in my pants many times, from a totally stranger brushing past me or catching my eye (a hot stranger obvs).

But love at first sight? No.

You’re basically saying you are psychic and see the future. You can’t.

KC225 · 22/07/2018 22:47

I think that is called a one night stand OP

Original poster
Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:47

@VetOnCall I'm sure you're right . It could go that way !

OP posts:
BMW6 · 22/07/2018 22:47

The "lightning bolt" is just Lust.

Original poster
Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:48

@gwenneh can you tell us about it?

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 22/07/2018 22:48

First time I saw my husband I had this really strange feeling, maybe like lightening? Like loads of stuff moved around? I remember thinking 'he's nice' before he had even spoken.

I'm not sure if it was love straight away but it was very powerful attraction.

Pingipinguin · 22/07/2018 22:48

I believe in it!
I never used to believe it until it happened to me

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 22/07/2018 22:48

That's what Miranda said in Sex and the City.

Just when you need a cab, one goes by with its light on, exactly at the right time.

VetOnCall · 22/07/2018 22:49

I think that rarely some people have the lust at first sight thing which then works out long-term and in rose-tinted retrospective view it's cast as having been 'love at first sight' but it was really 'just' lust followed by luck.

WilburIsSomePig · 22/07/2018 22:49

I think you can be in love with with idea of love at first sight and the that giddy feeling you get skews all other notions so that you really believe it's love.