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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that love at first sight is a real thing?

233 replies

Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:34

I totally believe in it. Not lust at first sight, but total "soul mates in a previous life" type feelings. But AIBU?
Watching a movie earlier with a friend who reckons LAFS is just a big load of bollocks. What do we think?

OP posts:
AdelesBeard · 23/07/2018 01:09

In that situation wasitabuse would both partners chose to join up again? How would the agreement work? Is it something you have to state out loud or is it implicit and understood? Am genuinely curious - not taking the piss!

GaryWilmotsTeeth · 23/07/2018 01:22

I think it’s a combination of attraction and timing. I met DH briefly when we were at uni but we were no more than very passing acquaintances and I barely registered him. At this point I was a very feckless party girl and, seeing as he was born middle aged, he was super sensible and “boring”.

Fast forward 15 years, I go to a uni reunion. Soon to be DH is sitting on my table at dinner. I took one look at him and my stomach felt like I had fallen through a trapdoor. I literally went dizzy. We started seeing each other, despite the fact we lived in different countries. I had previously been quite insecure and needy in relationships but I felt a strange confidence that this one would all be fine.

So, not LAFS, but definitely something was happening.

wasitabuse · 23/07/2018 01:23

@AdelesBeard In that situation wasitabuse would both partners chose to join up again? How would the agreement work? Is it something you have to state out loud or is it implicit and understood? Am genuinely curious - not taking the piss!

Haha I don't really know, I'm not a member of any organised religion. I mean I could make one up for you all but it's literally just what I believe based on nothing at all but I have pondered it throughout my life and decided I think this is the most likely explanation

I got addicted to reading accounts of near death experiences and decided there was a purpose to everything and everyone in each lifetime - but that we agree to major things in our lives that shape us, both good and bad but do it without any conscious knowledge in a lifetime as its pre birth/pre conception

I think there's probably a higher purpose to the shit in life but we would only be able to see that if we were not incarnated and had a view of previous and future lifetimes from wherever we might be between incarnations. I don't think we'd agree to any bad stuff if we couldn't see a purpose at the time. And also the good stuff, I mean maybe we really missed someone or felt we didn't complete things with someone in a prior life... and decided to incarnate where we would meet again and fulfill the purpose or just couldn't bear being separated when they incarnated so joined them

Maybe I should start my own religion 🙈😂

AdelesBeard · 23/07/2018 01:30

wasitabuse - thank you for that! I have no religious belief but I love the idea of reincarnation so really like your explanation. Start your cult - I'll join!!! :-)

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 23/07/2018 01:32

It’s lust and at times it’s more powerful than other times and both people feel the same

That may happen a few times or once or never on your life

Lust is a very powerful emotion it is the driving force that makes us make babies

confusedmomm · 23/07/2018 01:45

My friends husband (they used to work together) told my friend on first day they met that by the time he reached 30 he'd marry her. Age 30 they got married. So yes I do believe it

CannuckTheCrow7 · 23/07/2018 01:45

I knew people who were convinced in love at first sight and that they knew for certain that their DP was the one. My skepticism was laughed off.

None of the relevant couples are still together.

Monday55 · 23/07/2018 01:58

It's lust at first sight...then it turns into love later on.

WilyMinx · 23/07/2018 03:22

I firmly believe all types of love needs time to cultivate so I don't believe in love at first sight.

wellBeehivedWoman · 23/07/2018 07:13

How could it be? Love is such an intensely powerful thing, built upon understanding and shared ground and nurtured by a daily decision to choose the person you love. How could a feeling so strong and personal occur instantly, with a person you've never met and don't know? Love would have to be nothing more than a chemical reaction for that to be possible.

wellBeehivedWoman · 23/07/2018 07:15

And btw, the day after my first date with my husband I called my sister and told her I was going to marry him. And I still don't believe in love at first sight! Because the reason we are married and so happy together is because from that initial attraction we have spent years building solid walls and nurturing our relationship.

Sisgal · 23/07/2018 07:31

Those who are non believers have obviously just never experienced it. It happened to me and my partner! Never knew him from Adam... saw him, made eye contact, felt such a crazy strong connection from that so much so I gave him my number there and then. Met for coffee next day. Been together 5 years now, bought a house together and have a almost 1 year old daughter. Still in-love and happy with my P . I never felt this way about anyone before and I knew that the moment our eyes connected. That's just my personal experience.

WilburIsSomePig · 23/07/2018 07:52

@Sisgal, but do you think the thunderbolt and love are the same thing? I felt it when I met DH, that strong connection and I knew he was the person I wanted to be with forever, but I think the love grows from that if you know what I mean? Because you have to take all the annoying/crap bits too and still love them and you don't know about them the second you meet. Grin

peachgreen · 23/07/2018 07:59

I've experienced lust too and it was totally different than what I felt for DH. In fact with DH, lust wasn't really a part of it, I just knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, in whatever form that took. Sexual attraction was secondary to that overwhelming feeling of completeness.

I'm aware it makes me sound like a crazy person and honestly I don't blame people for not believing in it. All I know is that I was certain about DH from that first moment and he was about me, and that's despite some extremely trying circumstances including almost a year when we had absolutely no contact at all.

SoyDora · 23/07/2018 08:05

Yeah I had that lightning bolt feeling once. He turned out to be an absolute knob.
Within a few weeks of meeting DH I knew we had something special. As a PP said, it’s just confirmation bias though. If it hadn’t worked out I’d have said ‘ah that’s a shame, I thought we had something special’. As it did work out, I can say ‘I knew he was the one’.

SoyDora · 23/07/2018 08:07

Those who are non believers have obviously just never experienced it

But I did experience it. The absolute thunder bolt moment, the instant recognition that I’d met the person I was going to spend my life with. He felt the same.
He later turned out to be a selfish prick.

Sisgal · 23/07/2018 08:15

Each to their own I guess. I believe in it but others don't.

Gabilan · 23/07/2018 08:53

have you never had the 'I've known you for a thousand years' feeling on first meeting someone? I mean it doesn't happen every day, admittedly. But it does happen now and again.... Doesn't it???

Yes, it does. In some cases it has turned out that they have a wife or girlfriend so nothing can happen. In other cases they just sort of disappear out of your life. Once or twice something more has happened but it's either petered out or ended badly, much like other encounters that don't start with a thunder-bolt feeling.

So I'm with posters that think yes, you can have very strong feelings for someone when you first meet. But there's a lot of luck and chance involved in whether or not that develops into something. And before you ask, yes, it really has been a lightning-strikes, wow, the connection, feeling. It just hasn't necessarily led anywhere.

0lgaDaPolga · 23/07/2018 09:00

I had the ‘lightening bolt’ with my husband. I’d have told you love at first sight was nonsense until I met him. The second we met, when I looked into his eyes I knew I would marry him. I can’t explain it. It’s like I’d known him all my life already. Of course it wasn’t love at that point but it’s like something fell into place at that point.

DamsonPie · 23/07/2018 09:25

what if the lightning bolt hits you at a time when you think you're totally content and happy, and the feeling comes as a total surprise. What if you're not looking for love but it finds you anyway?!
If you’re single that’s great! Not so great if you or the other person is married. But the lightning bolt doesn’t always work out and isn’t necessarily a two way thing. You never forget it once it’s happened to you though.

Original poster
Hoovermanoevre · 23/07/2018 10:10

Ah yes but what if the lightning bolt is so powerful it's sufficient to make you question everything thereafter?!
And what if it you found out it was mutual ? Such a complex area!

OP posts:
eyycarumba · 23/07/2018 10:55

I kind of do. My DS's dad certainly felt like that, it would be quite romantic if it didn't end the way it did! We kept seeing each other out and felt the attraction but never acted on it (major fanny gallops and butterflies). One day he messaged me 'You're the girl I keep seeing on the way to work each day - I've been wondering who you were for months but now it's just clicked you're the same person who was at so and so's party' - I had also been noticing him on the way to work, he used to give me butterflies even though I had no idea who he was. Within 2 weeks we were together. Of course it ended horrifically, but we both agreed it was love at first site.

Trinity66 · 23/07/2018 11:02

Nah, you need to know someone to love them. I think people decide it's true when they meet someone who they're really attracted to and end up loving them then they think oh I loved you from the moment I saw you in hindsight but in reality there's probably been other people that they were really attracted to but after they got to know them didn't fall in love, if you get what I mean. In my opinion it just wouldn't be possible to love someone without knowing them (a part from your kids but that's a whole other kind of love I think)

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 23/07/2018 11:06

Don't know about love at first sight, but I think you can feel a strong sense of congruence. The first time I saw DH I was struck by his kind, humorous eyes. He just thought I was gorgeous. But our eyes met across the pub and neither of us found it easy to look away. It made a big impression on both of us.

We got to know each other and decided to marry within a matter of months. One of our better decisions.

ShatnersWig · 23/07/2018 11:11

Yes. And it was not lust.