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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that love at first sight is a real thing?

233 replies

Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:34

I totally believe in it. Not lust at first sight, but total "soul mates in a previous life" type feelings. But AIBU?
Watching a movie earlier with a friend who reckons LAFS is just a big load of bollocks. What do we think?

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Gabilan · 25/07/2018 19:10

Confirmation bias surely depends on the data set, ie sample size, initial feelings, final result?

I'm not quite sure what this question is getting at. This is the definition of confirmation bias from the Wiki entry, which seems to be pretty good.

Confirmation bias, also called confirmatory bias or myside bias, is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one's preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. It is a type of cognitive bias and a systematic error of inductive reasoning. People display this bias when they gather or remember information selectively, or when they interpret it in a biased way. The effect is stronger for emotionally charged issues and for deeply entrenched beliefs.

A large sample size won't help correct any confirmation bias - if the sample isn't done in a statistically sound way it will be part of the bias. It will just be a skewed set (and those can contain millions of data points).

Essentially I don't think you'll ever settle this argument. There will be people who want to believe in LAFS and so they'll believe it. If they're told that other people have experienced the lightning bolt and it turned out not to be lasting love, they'll just say "oh well you didn't really feel it, did you.". Because the whole thing is subjective, you won't settle it one way or the other.

Hoovermanoevre · 25/07/2018 20:29

All the above is valid.
I just wanted to hear all the stories Grin
Just see my other thread about life changing in an instant..... I've had a rocky time and some weird experiences that have rocked the foundations of all my beliefs. It's comforting to believe there's still some unpredictable stuff out there.
@Gabilan I reckon since you're so susceptible to these feelings, youre due a biggie soon. Massive thunderbolt . Fireworks. The lot!

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Hoovermanoevre · 25/07/2018 20:29

From both sides Wink

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ImAIdoot · 25/07/2018 20:39

I had this with someone once.

One of the worst relationships I could have got into. Both a cheater and... not a great lover.

It is lust at first sight, love is so much more than a look could ever encompass.

stardustlil · 25/07/2018 20:49

I wouldn't say it was love at first sight but I knew when I met my dp that we should be together and that it would probably be forever. We where only 17 when we met so I actually actively avoided being in a Relationship with him for over a year as it kind of freaked me out. We are still together now after 11 years and I honestly can't imagine why we would ever break up. It wasn't a grand fireworky feeling like I was madly in love or lust or anything like that, I just knew he was the one I would end up with

Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 14:35

@ImAIdoot oh dear!
Bad lover and a cheater!
Disastrous combo ! Thunderbolt totally struck in the wrong place there then.

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ImAIdoot · 26/07/2018 15:24

@Hoovermanoevre - I know, if you're getting extra practice the least you can do is get good at it. Foreplay was how I imagine a cheese feels when someone is enthusiastically grating it, too.

The only time in my life I have done a brutal dumping, and I'm only a tiny bit sorry.

Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 15:31

@ImAIdoot too true .
Nothing like that grated cheese feeling to get you in the mood 😂

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Maidsrus · 26/07/2018 15:36

Nope. Chemicals in brain only. Sometimes it works

Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 15:48

@Maidsrus mutual chemical happenings though? What if both parties feel the same, is it chemical?

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Maidsrus · 26/07/2018 16:11

It’s alll about sex and mating. We are animals - sophisticated animals but animals all the same!

And yes there’s a lot in those chemicals, but you can have those same chemicals with A lot of people!

The best marriage I know of is an arranged marriage.

I think love (family love) is more long lasting than lusty love. You can grow family love with a sexual partner...

....but sometimes not

Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 17:36

I'm not convinced. I'm talking more about a feeling that isn't sexual at all. Not like 'I wanna rip your clothes off' more like 'I was put on this earth to meet you' type of feeling Confused
More like, as another poster put it,
"Oh.... It's you"

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Sidneythecam · 26/07/2018 17:48

Hi @Hoovermanoevre love your threads..

Absolutely - me and DP

"So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you"

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I felt like I was home. I was married before; that was Hell; not home

Long story with DP and I - we knew of each other in name only for nine years, never laid eyes on each other

He became my boss. He text me one night out of the blue - I thought he was beautiful but he never spoke to me - his name flashed up (and I thought oh fuck, boss texting 😳 this cannot be good..) so I didn't open it for fifteen minutes; but upon opening it (a photograph saying "do you like my Christmas tree") I knew everything had changed from that moment and things would be different

He said (he's in his forties and is a, you know, proper grown up) - that he hid his phone under his cushion like a teenage girl and was terrified to look at it in case I did reply 😂

EastMidsGPs · 26/07/2018 18:12

I met DH when I fell over him and his big head broke my collarbone.
He tracked me down to my uni faculty and insisted he make amends - I thought he was an utter prat but agreed to going out into Derbyshire for lunch with him.
7 hours of him company and I went to his, never left and we married 9 weeks later. 30 years ago.
I didn't believe in love at first sight and am usually very cautious in my decisions, so not really sure what happened😃😃

Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 18:14

@Sidneythecam thank you , the threads are uplifting me so very much... Reading them is totally therapeutic.
Aw that's really romantic. What was his Christmas tree like ? Grin
I have to read 'the alchemist'
I cannot fathom why this book follows me around, yet keeps evading me too. It's so funny... I've been given copies I've lost. I meet people I really admire and this book is always on their shelf. I stayed in a house where there was only one book, and that was it. I still never got round to reading it. My midwife was reading it when I gave birth. I have put it on my audible now so let's hear what it has to say to me!

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Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 18:17

@EastMidsGPs I'm sure you heard it a squillion times, but .... You fell for him good and proper Grin

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EastMidsGPs · 26/07/2018 18:20

@Hoovermanoevre

😂😂 After all these years, still tripping over the daft lump

Sidneythecam · 26/07/2018 18:23

@Hoovermanoevre his tree was absolutely gorgeous..hopefully we'll be putting it back up together this year

Life is not plain sailing. But that's what makes it fun - I told you before, deep breaths and remember who you are 😘

It's a fab book and it sounds like it's following you around for a reason. I believe in the universe, might be a bit "woo" for you but live cleanly, nicely and open your eyes. Fresh air and shake it all off 💅🏽 remember - if you're having fun then fun will be attracted to you

Whitewinespritzer12 · 26/07/2018 18:48

It does happen.

I had the lightning bolt moment when introduced to someone 20 years ago in a pub by mutual friends. I remember being in the loo with my bff saying it's him, he's the one and we laughed. We were both with other people at the time, met a few times in groups of mutual friends, drifted apart then met again purely by accident and have been together for last 15 years.

Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 18:59

@Whitewinespritzer12 that's amazing that you found each Other again. How Did that happen?

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Whitewinespritzer12 · 26/07/2018 19:03

Total accident, after several years of not seeing each other at all, we happened to be in the same pub at the same time, got chatting and that was that, here we are years later

Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 19:08

Oh wow! Just imagine you decided not to go for a drink that night!

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Smellbellina · 26/07/2018 19:13

I do, kind of, I didn’t particularly fancy DP when I met him I actually remember thinking I couldn’t be with someone with legs like that, but my first thought on seeing him was ‘oh it’s you’, it was more like I recognised him as my one. Ha that sounds weird!

eggsandwich · 26/07/2018 19:23

Was love at first sight for me when I first met my Dh 31 years ago, I felt I’d always known him for some reason even before we spoke.

For me I knew that this was the man I was going to marry it was weird as 9 months prior I had come out of a 4 year relationship and never felt like I do with my Dh.

I always remember saying to my mum how did you know dad was the one? and she said she can’t explain it she just did, when I got home after meeting my Dh I said to my mum now I know what you mean when you said you just knew, still blissfully happy and he’s my soul mate love him to bits..

Hoovermanoevre · 26/07/2018 19:26

@Smellbellina What was up With his legs ??Grin

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