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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that love at first sight is a real thing?

233 replies

Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:34

I totally believe in it. Not lust at first sight, but total "soul mates in a previous life" type feelings. But AIBU?
Watching a movie earlier with a friend who reckons LAFS is just a big load of bollocks. What do we think?

OP posts:
princesstiasmum · 22/07/2018 23:26

This happened to me when i was only 16, a delivery driver came to my parents shop, i knew the minute i saw him i would marry him, he was blonde and tanned after being in Malta for 3 years in the army, just got out he was 21
We got engaged the week 6 months later on my birthday,and married 6 months after that,sadly it only lasted 5 years
I divorced him on the grounds of cruelty, and adultery
5 years later he found me,i had moved away,and asked me to remarry him,i declined

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 22/07/2018 23:26

vetoncall has got it spot on. Most people experience that lightning bolt feeling, it’s down to pure luck that the feeling develops into love as you get to know the person. The lightning bolt feeling does fascinate me though, someone within seconds, purely on sight can make your heart beat out of your chest and literally take your breath away, what is it about that person, amongst equally attractive people creates that experience/feeling? Would like to know the science behind it.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 22/07/2018 23:27

I think lust at first sight is, but not love tbh.

Elliss2018 · 22/07/2018 23:28

When I met my DP I didn't fancy him initially, but we clicked, had a nice date and then the kiss. The kiss was like a lightening bolt, but I do think it was lust rather than love.

BillywigSting · 22/07/2018 23:32

Well the first time I ever saw dp I was utterly dumb struck, in a way that has never happened before or since. I "knew" that instant that I wanted to at least go out with him.

I think if the feeling hadn't been mutual it probably would have turned to limerance which isn't the same as love at all and is in fact quite distressing and can even be somewhat debilitating.

As it was it very quickly turned to love, still going strong 11 years later.

I also think that if he had turned out to be a colossal prick then his good looks and charm would only have got him so far.

People don't appear nearly as attractive when they turn out to be cock heads.

AdelesBeard · 22/07/2018 23:32

I've been in 'lust at first sight' loads of times but I've had the 'soul mate at first sight' thing too, and they were two different things.

Lust at first sight is (for me) pure physical/sexual attraction. That doesn't mean it's not powerful. So, for example, I fell in 'lust at first sight' with someone thirty years ago. We slept together a few times over a period of three years but never got together properly because we had absolutely nothing to talk about - like ZERO. Imagine massive embarrassing silences interspersed with the best sex ever. I was hugely 'fond' of him but we never could have had a long-term relationship because there was no intellectual connection whatsoever. However thirty years later I still have dirty dreams about him. Go figure.

But when I met DH it wasn' lust at first sight. We were working together in the same (small) room for four weeks before I even noticed him. Then one night a crowd of us went out for after work drinks and I ended up sitting next to him. And he spoke to me for the first time and the lightening bolt came down and within two sentences I knew I would marry him. I felt like I was meeting him again for the first time in a long time, and that we already knew each other. There was nothing to find out except the details - his childhood, his family etc. Everything else was in place and I understood it, and he understood everything about me. At the time I was with someone else but I went home that night, after only one conversation and nothing physical happening between me and DH, and ended it with my then boyfriend. 18 months later we got married and we've been together 25 years. It's not been 'happy ever after' - life has dealt up some proper crap that has tested our relationship - but I still have that feeling that I've always known him and always will - warts and all. I don't believe in soul mates btw- like the poster above I believe in timing. I think we've got thousands of soul mates. I even think that if I met my 'lust at first sight' chap now, he might be a soul-mate but when I met him it was too soon/we were too young.

Guiltypleasures001 · 22/07/2018 23:32

My Great aunt

Met and was engaged to my great uncle within 4 weeks, they were married for over 40yrs sadly he died shortly after, but they did have 9 children

My Aunt said it was love at first sight and they were devoted to each other

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 22/07/2018 23:42

I accidentally blurted out that I loved DP the first night I met him. Blush

I still blush about it 6 years later, but it turned out I was right.

I remember drawing pictures of my ideal man when I was in my teens. I’m pretty sure if I found those drawings now, it would be him.

We split up for a few months a while back, as he can be a bit of a cock sometimes, but in the back of my mind I still thought that one day we’d end up getting back together, maybe in 5 years or so. As it turned out I didn’t have to wait that long!

I do feel like I’m resigned to being with him now, not in a bad way, just in a ‘fate/destiny’ way.

AdelesBeard · 22/07/2018 23:46

The timing thing is interesting. I was at college with DH for three years (different faculties) and lots of our friends knew each other. I saw him quite a lot around the place (though no conversations) and felt not a flutter. I think if we'd met then, rather than eight years later in a different capacity, then I wouldn't have felt the 'bolt' and we would never have got together. Or we would have got together then split up in short order. Timing, timing, timing.

Seasawride · 22/07/2018 23:47

I met dh in the pub aged 15, back in the early 80s anyone could drink in a pub as long as you behaved yourself.

I loved him instantly as he chatted to me. He was quite rude about my earrings and told me he hated I smoked. Grin

We have been married 31 years and have 6 kids and 2 grand kids.

Love at first sight absolutely yes. Your friend is an idiot

Crunched · 22/07/2018 23:57

I told my DM after my second date with now DH, that I would not be the one to ever end the relationship. He took longer to feel that commitment but we were engaged after 9 months. It will be 30 years in September.
I can’t disregard the posters who have felt love at first sight and have the life long relationships to prove it.

Lizzie48 · 23/07/2018 00:03

It was kind of like that for me with my now DH. It wasn't that he swept me off my feet as such; he swept me off to a model railway exhibition on our first date, whereas I'd have liked him to sweep me off to a tea room.

But we definitely clicked and within a few weeks he'd asked me to marry him. We got married 8 months after we started going out, and we've now been married for 15 years and we're definitely right for each other. (Although I'm still not interested in model railways. Grin

0h · 23/07/2018 00:09

But how many people are sure they've met The One and have declared it to their mum/best friend and they've NOT been the one at all and it's all fizzled out ar just been rubbish?

Bet that happens a million times more than declaring he's your husband on day 1 and going on to marry him!

I think that thinking you've found The One and it actually being true is dumb, brilliant luck!

So I'm definitely on the side of no such thing as love at first sight. I think the idea of loving a person you don't know is ludicrous. Love comes from knowing the heart of a person.

NetofLemons · 23/07/2018 00:14

Definitely lust and limerence at first sight. Not sure about LAFS in the fullest sense of ‘love’.. not sure what label I would put on that immediate connection thing- maybe sometimes it is ‘a form of’ love. Smile

Seasawride · 23/07/2018 00:15

oh

You havnt felt thunderbolt city though Grin

0h · 23/07/2018 00:23

Maybe what I consider love is different to what other consider love?

We might all have slightly different version of what love feels like?

I don't deny the lightning feeling or a click like connection etc but to me they wouldn't signify love. Maybe a future involving love with that person but no certainty. But maybe that IS how others feel love? Who am I to say it's not - it's your feelings after all!

So maybe it's not ludicrous but it's definitely not how I experience it. ❤️

LookAtThatCritter · 23/07/2018 00:32

I don’t know if it exists but I like to think it does Grin I haven’t been in love yet so I’m just casually waiting for it to happen hurry up Cupid

Andromeida59 · 23/07/2018 00:42

I met my DP online. We started chatting on the Tuesday and met on the Thursday. I wasn't expecting anything as it was my first (and only) date. He wasn't the type I'd normally go for but when we met, we just clicked. I knew then that if we started seeing each other, that would be it.

That was over 13 years ago and we're still going strong.

He was a serial online dater but none had worked out. When I asked him why he was interested, he told me that I was "the only one that made sense". To me, he felt like coming home to a place I'd never known. He still makes me feel giggly and I still get butterflies when he calls me. Blush

Andromeida59 · 23/07/2018 00:43

Also, I was never someone that believed in "soul mates" or "ideal person". I still don't believe in soul mates.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 23/07/2018 00:48

Definitely! Sometimes you meet someone and you just know that there’s a connection.
It can happen the other way too,
Have you ever looked at someone and immediately thought “I don’t like you very much “

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 23/07/2018 00:50

Ps I meant with friends as well not just shagging

JuneMyNameIsJune · 23/07/2018 00:54

I don't believe in it but my DH does. He says the minute he saw me he knew. The night we first met (very briefly) I went on somewhere else and met someone else who I dated for months.

My DH would look for me in places he knew I might be (we had some vague mutual friends). In the end, he organised a blind(ish) date through two friends who knew each other. They didn't last the night but we're still together after 33 years!

I will say that the first time I kissed him I felt a connection I had never felt with anyone before. Coup de foudre is about right!

wasitabuse · 23/07/2018 00:56

Incredibly woo but I believe in reincarnation and I believe that when it happens it's because the two souls recognise each other from a previous lifetime and chose before this incarnation to join up again. Not necessarily that they were a previous partner- could have been a sibling, close friend, parent etc in a previous lifetime but the souls just recognise each other and what they've agreed to before incarnation in this one in that lightening bolt moment

It's fine to disagree with my theory btw. Merely my own fickle belief system lol

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 23/07/2018 01:01

I like your theory wasitabuse

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 23/07/2018 01:07

I never used to believe it but have had things happen that make me realise that there's something to it, a mix of love and lust, I think.

  1. I clicked with DP the moment we met and it's been so natural with him. I knew I loved him shortly afterwards. It just felt so right.

  2. Ex-lover that I took one look at and knew I'd never get my heart back in one piece. It was lust initially but love wasn't far off. It just caught me. I raged, fought and resented loving him as I could feel it happening against my own good judgement. Moved my life on but still can't completely hate him. Gut instinct tells me unfinished business there, although I'm staying clear of him. I just took one look and knew.

I've never felt either with anyone else, ever. LAFS maybe isn't the right term, but some people you just "know".