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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that love at first sight is a real thing?

233 replies

Hoovermanoevre · 22/07/2018 22:34

I totally believe in it. Not lust at first sight, but total "soul mates in a previous life" type feelings. But AIBU?
Watching a movie earlier with a friend who reckons LAFS is just a big load of bollocks. What do we think?

OP posts:
Hoovermanoevre · 24/07/2018 07:39

@ConkerGame a cautionary tale indeed !

OP posts:
Mrsharrison · 24/07/2018 09:51

I agree Conker.
We never hear about the lightening bolt people whose relationships don't work out. I guess they're too embarrassed to admit it.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 24/07/2018 10:02

I have definitely had a massive 'immediate connection' with someone that would have had great potential but for the fact that he was married and lived in another country. We were work colleagues and 'clicked' from the off (over the phone). It wasn't lust (and it was never physical), just an overwhelming sense of something very special.

SendintheArdwolves · 24/07/2018 10:17

Weird isn't it - to all the people saying that true love at first sight is real, and that sometimes you Just Know that you're meant to be together and fate and destiny leave you no choice because you've met your person - does that still apply to married people having affairs?

Maybe I'm just jaded, but it seems that the soul mates /a force bigger than we are/destiny forced my hand/can't help who you fall in love with gets trotted out by cheating partners. In those instances, the general mumsnet consensus seems to be "Bollocks, its lust and you totally can help who you fall in love with".

Having said that, I've had the total thunderbolt twice in my life. Once for a chugger (we never met again) and once a few weeks ago. I've started a new job and got introduced to someone. He shook my hand and I felt the thunderbolt. And what's more, I totally knew he felt it too. I went back to my desk, Strangely calm and thought "Oh. So that's the guy I'm going to marry then".

I was entirely wrong. He's already married, and since then we've had a few short chats and I realised I find him a bit dull and the spark had gone Grin

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 24/07/2018 10:24

Well I think it's sad when it happens but you know it's not going to go anywhere because one/both are in other committed relationships. I think the guy I 'immediately connected with' probably was most my match of all the men I've ever had some form of romantic attachment to (I got to know him well because we worked together for a couple of years). More so even than DH. I've also experienced 'lust at first sight' so not it wasn't just that...

MrsAidanTurner · 24/07/2018 10:25

It depends, some people are instinctual when it comes to the reading some people.
Eg I once met friend of friend for a few moments, he was chatting about something. I thought xyz to myself. My friend had no idea.. It was two years later. Friend of friend is lovely but having massive issues with xyz.

Some people can't read anyone. I am instinctual I feel in love at first sight and the more I got to know the more I knew it was right.

Superbirdtrooperbird · 24/07/2018 10:29

My parents are a real true love at first sight story, they met when they were 9 years old. My mum was hanging upside down in a tree and my dad climbed up it to ask what on earth she was doing. They talked for a little while, and when he climbed down again he said to his older siblings (who had been watching with amusement) 'I think I might marry that girl, but I don't know what her name is'. They went off to different secondary schools and lost contact, then met by chance in the bakers when they were 16. They got married at 19 and were still madly in love with each other when my darling dad died 3 years ago, after 45 years of marriage.
My dad's sister tells me this story every time I see her, I never tire of hearing
it and it never fails to make me cry

WizardOfToss · 24/07/2018 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ennirem · 24/07/2018 11:09

I was sitting on the steps in Piazza San Marco and behind me, a family asked a man to take their picture for them. I heard his voice, and I couldn't move. I have no idea what it was but I KNEW it was important, imperative. And somehow, for no reason, we got talking, sitting there on the steps, total strangers.

He was just a middle aged man in a bandana, a nice face but nothing remarkable, no reason for me to be bowled over. I was a chubby 19 year old idiot. We had almost nothing in common. But we looked at each other and something happened and we both knew it was happening and we neither of us knew what it was. It was absolutely exhilirating, it felt like all the rest of my life I'd only been using one valve of my heart and suddenly the other one was open. No-one else has ever made me feel quite like that, although I have loved many people in many ways.

We spent that weekend together, and a couple of other weekends in foreign cities over about a decade. Probably spent less than a week actually physically in each others' presence in total. We wrote each other so many letters. We never slept together. We came close to it, once, but I had a boyfriend at the time. We haven't spoken in years, probably because of that time when nothing happened but probably should have. I think about him every day, in spite of my sensible, good life and my family. I will probably think about him every day when I'm a wrinkly old lady and he is long dead (and I'll never know if he is or he isn't).

I have loved so many people. But I still think that might have been the only time I was 'in love', in the poems and songs sense. I wonder if to count as being 'in love' it needs to be like that - irrational, overpowering, a shock - like being plunged into cold water. I wonder if I would still feel that way about him if there had been more than a handful of moments, if there had been a life. Common sense says probably not; but was it common sense when I simply heard a voice behind me and the world stopped spinning?

Love's a funny old thing!

Gabilan · 24/07/2018 11:49

Some people can't read anyone. I am instinctual I feel in love at first sight and the more I got to know the more I knew it was right

That's pretty dismissive of the people who have said that they've felt it, but it hasn't lasted. You can have an instinctive feel for someone, but also recognise that what you're feeling is a combination of lust, smell, and someone who taps into various subconscious needs and desires.

A few years ago I met someone and the moment we saw each other he physically jolted. I think I hid my response slightly better but it was a definite pupil-widening Wow moment. We have a lot in common and these days we get on well. However, when we first met he was in a new relationship (less than a year together, I don't think it was even 6 months) and she either was pregnant or was about to be. I do wonder sometimes if there are alternative universes and if in one of them, he met me before he met her. But in this one, he met her first and that was that.

I know him through work and we went through a tricky period in which we could both be a bit defensive with each other. However, I backed off and we now have reached a stage of friendliness. Definite lightning moment. My instincts are good. But he was and is committed to someone else.

SolemnlySwear2010 · 24/07/2018 12:07

I believe! It happened to my DH and I.

We went on a date at 17/18 years old and within an hour we were talking about marriage and having a family. We moved in together after 6 weeks and got engaged after 18 months. Most people thought we were crazy, but even the most sceptical people now admit that we were 'meant to be'

Before this date I was completely against marriage and didn't ever see myself having children.

10 years later we are still madly in love and have an amazing 4 year old DD.

Confusedbeetle · 24/07/2018 12:10

agree with Vet on Call. Lust on sight is common and usually dies away. On the rare occasions love grows

Trinity66 · 24/07/2018 12:18

The thing is sometimes you can have that feeling and then it doesn’t work out and so you realise that people who claim it’s happened for them are just lucky it worked out afterwards.

I had the feeling last year on a first date. Felt like I had known him for years and he said he felt the same, very strong physical attraction, everything either one of us said the other one was like “oh my god, me too!” Just felt like fate. I texted my best friend and told her I’d met my future husband!

Three dates in and the cracks started to show...we lasted five dates and I realised he was not at all like what I had imagined him to be like. We had quite clashing personalities and I ended up being completely turned off by his behaviour. So there you go...I think it is just excitement mixed with attraction mixed with good timing! (Sorry, not very romantic!)

Yeah exactly what I think as well. People have these feelings, end up staying together or getting married and therefore conclude it was love at first sight, nope just happened to work out is all, plenty of people start out that way but it doesn't aswell. That's not being a cynic or unromantic or whatever. I absolutely adore my husband, I think I'd find it very difficult to find another man that makes me so happy, I'm just thinking logically :p

Hadalifeonce · 24/07/2018 12:23

I sat down next to stranger at a friends party, was just chatting to various people in the group, I turned to my right at the same time this chap turned to his left, our eyes met, and I felt like I'd been hit by a train! Physically he wasn't my usual type, I knew nothing about him, 20 years later we are still together. When he proposed 6 months later, he confessed he was ready to propose after 2 weeks; I know if he had I would have said yes.

JellyBaby666 · 24/07/2018 12:54

It probably doesn't count because I met my DP online so I'd seen him (albeit a photo) before we met in person, but our first date we clicked so well and on our second date I text my friend and told her I was sorry for every disparaging comment I had made about just knowing someone was The One, because I had this feeling of inevitability. And thus far anyway, 20 months in & living together, I was right!

That friend though had that feeling, married quick and young, and then divorced 7 years later. So I think yes it can be true but its not indicative of a relationship lasting.

peachgreen · 24/07/2018 13:34

@Hoovermanoevre Yep, the same day. I just knew. To be fair my ex was abusive so I wasn't ending a good relationship, but it was amazing to finally have the strength.

JacquesHammer · 24/07/2018 13:35

I think it’s possible.

I also think it isn’t always at the time you can act on it

Cocolepew · 24/07/2018 14:03

I vaguely knew DH from the pub we drank in, he had been to school with my then fiance. I spoke to him for probably less than an hour in total, over a couple of months.
I broke up my relationship, (I just feel out of love) , and moved on.
7 months later DH turned up at my door to ask me out for a drink.
I knew that night I would marry him, I never had any feelings towards him before that.
He moved in the next day and we were married in a year.
We've been married 24 years.

AdidasGirl · 24/07/2018 14:06

I'm another who knew as soon as we met.
Ten years later I still feel exactly the same.

Hoovermanoevre · 24/07/2018 19:53

There are some lovely experiences here. Love the one about just the voice.... Incredible but I totally get it.
I think voices are massively underrated and hugely important as far as attraction goes.

OP posts:
Ennirem · 24/07/2018 20:13

Aw man OP this thread has really thrown me back into it. I've had a hard time recently and now all I want is to hear from my friend, to feel that special connection across the distance. We haven't spoken in years.

My mum killed herself last month. She left a note telling whoever found her to tell her adolescent sweetheart, who she used to say she had an almost psychic connection with from the minute they met, that she still loved him. She hadn't seen him in decades, they barely spoke. But in the end that's what mattered to her,more than anything else - three marriages,two children, a whole life after him. I hate to think the same might be true of me when my time comes.

MinaPaws · 24/07/2018 20:16

I had it with DH, OP. I was introduced to him and this calm feeling washed over me, and I thought: Oh it's you. As though he suddenly made sense of why I'd never felt settled with or genuinely right with anyone before. It sounds creepy but I knew I could marry him within 15 mins of meeting him. He loves to say: you weirdo freak, it took me at least a day. He was so elated the night we met he walked eight miles home. We just connected.

MinaPaws · 24/07/2018 20:18

@Ennirem - I'm so sorry, I didn;t read the whole thread before posting. Flowers to you, over your mother. That must be unbearable.

Ennirem · 24/07/2018 20:46

Thank you @MinaPaws. I am struggling quite badly. Mumsnet is a brilliant distraction by and large!

Hoovermanoevre · 24/07/2018 20:51

@Ennirem I'm so sorry about your Mum. Sometimes these things become all consuming because it's easier to focus on this special secretive thing than any other things. It kind of blows out of proportion like an inner airbag, cushioning any blows that life throws. But also becomes consuming, needs feeding. Eventually like an addiction. It's very sad. And then it takes priority, just like alcohol or drug addiction.
I hope you do manage to reach out to your friend, because that's something totally different, we all need someone who 'gets us' in times of need.
Well anyway sorry to waffle but hugs from a stranger Flowers

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