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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your best joke?

253 replies

JennaTools · 22/07/2018 22:11

I'm in a really bad and sad place tonight, hit me with your best jokes!!

OP posts:
BlessYourCottonSocks · 22/07/2018 22:16

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

Jonsey79 · 22/07/2018 22:16

What's the difference between a tea bag and the England team?

One stays in the cup longer.

Sorry...

THEsonofaBITCH · 22/07/2018 22:18

what did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
dam!

yerbutnobut · 22/07/2018 22:19

'Doctor, Doctor, I need a new butt...
this one's got a crack in it!'
Grin

insertimaginativeusername · 22/07/2018 22:20

What did the cheese say to his reflection in the mirror?

Hallo-me!

OwlinaTree · 22/07/2018 22:22

What's the most common owl in the UK?
The teatowel.
Grin

Budgiegirlbob · 22/07/2018 22:28

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house

HildaZelda · 22/07/2018 22:32

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

RiverTam · 22/07/2018 22:32

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick!

WhitePhantom · 22/07/2018 22:34

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there really was A Dog!

Grin
TheFillijonk · 22/07/2018 22:34

What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/07/2018 22:35

What's the fastest cake in the world? Scone...

KC225 · 22/07/2018 22:35

A woman walks into a bar and the barman says 'what can I get you?'. She replies 'I'll have a double entendre please'

So he gave her one

AnotherDayAnotherName745 · 22/07/2018 22:36

What cheese should you use to lure a bear out of a cave?
Camembert (say it out loud...)

macattack52 · 22/07/2018 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/07/2018 22:36

When Roger Federer was asked, 'What's the best thing about Switzerland?' he replied: 'Well, the flag's a big plus.'

Oysterbabe · 22/07/2018 22:37

My favourite joke is

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I overheard a child telling a joke to his mum the other day which I thought was good.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.

FarrahMoan · 22/07/2018 22:38

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom

FrozenMargarita17 · 22/07/2018 22:38

What do you call a judge with no balls?

Justice Prick.

FarrahMoan · 22/07/2018 22:39

Oh man haha Oysterbabe

rosetintedview · 22/07/2018 22:39

You can't run on a campsite. You can only ran, because it's past tents.

rosetintedview · 22/07/2018 22:41

KC225 actual lol 😂

Prestonsflowers · 22/07/2018 22:41

A sandwich went into a bar, asked for a pint and the barman said “sorry, we don’t serve food”

321zerobaby · 22/07/2018 22:41

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

Monr0e · 22/07/2018 22:42

What do you call a mushroom with a big Willy?

A fungai to be with 🍄🍆

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