Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your best joke?

253 replies

JennaTools · 22/07/2018 22:11

I'm in a really bad and sad place tonight, hit me with your best jokes!!

OP posts:
BlessYourCottonSocks · 22/07/2018 22:16

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

Jonsey79 · 22/07/2018 22:16

What's the difference between a tea bag and the England team?

One stays in the cup longer.

Sorry...

THEsonofaBITCH · 22/07/2018 22:18

what did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
dam!

yerbutnobut · 22/07/2018 22:19

'Doctor, Doctor, I need a new butt...
this one's got a crack in it!'
Grin

insertimaginativeusername · 22/07/2018 22:20

What did the cheese say to his reflection in the mirror?

Hallo-me!

OwlinaTree · 22/07/2018 22:22

What's the most common owl in the UK?
The teatowel.
Grin

Budgiegirlbob · 22/07/2018 22:28

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house

HildaZelda · 22/07/2018 22:32

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

RiverTam · 22/07/2018 22:32

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick!

WhitePhantom · 22/07/2018 22:34

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there really was A Dog!

Grin
TheFillijonk · 22/07/2018 22:34

What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/07/2018 22:35

What's the fastest cake in the world? Scone...

KC225 · 22/07/2018 22:35

A woman walks into a bar and the barman says 'what can I get you?'. She replies 'I'll have a double entendre please'

So he gave her one

AnotherDayAnotherName745 · 22/07/2018 22:36

What cheese should you use to lure a bear out of a cave?
Camembert (say it out loud...)

macattack52 · 22/07/2018 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/07/2018 22:36

When Roger Federer was asked, 'What's the best thing about Switzerland?' he replied: 'Well, the flag's a big plus.'

Oysterbabe · 22/07/2018 22:37

My favourite joke is

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I overheard a child telling a joke to his mum the other day which I thought was good.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.

FarrahMoan · 22/07/2018 22:38

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom

FrozenMargarita17 · 22/07/2018 22:38

What do you call a judge with no balls?

Justice Prick.

FarrahMoan · 22/07/2018 22:39

Oh man haha Oysterbabe

rosetintedview · 22/07/2018 22:39

You can't run on a campsite. You can only ran, because it's past tents.

rosetintedview · 22/07/2018 22:41

KC225 actual lol 😂

Prestonsflowers · 22/07/2018 22:41

A sandwich went into a bar, asked for a pint and the barman said “sorry, we don’t serve food”

321zerobaby · 22/07/2018 22:41

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

Monr0e · 22/07/2018 22:42

What do you call a mushroom with a big Willy?

A fungai to be with 🍄🍆

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread