To ask for your best joke?

[JennaTools]

I'm in a really bad and sad place tonight, hit me with your best jokes!!

A lobster and a clam walk into a bar. The barman says to the clam, "you can stay, but he's barred. He was in here last night, giving it all that [makes pincing motions with both hands]"

A guy walks into a bar...
Ouch!!!

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

duchess baldy cat = cat with no hair/fur
Where's your fare? (Fee for the bus) = Where's your fur? Probably over explaining and definitely makes more sense in Scottish accent!

Sorry you're down Jenna Hope it's not parking related.

The best jokes are the Jewish Jokes, but they're too long to type, so in the meantime:

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no fucking idea.

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

What’s the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?

A magician has a cunning array of stunts!

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

Probably only works if you're Scottish, What do you call a man with no dog?
Douglas

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff

What's Bruce lees favourite word?
Waaattteeerrr!!

I'd tell you the one about the shark infested custard but you'd never swallow it

Whats orange and smells like a parrot??

A parrot

Well, i messed that up didnt i.....ill try again...

Whats orange and smells like a Parrot

A carrot

(not really worth the wait was it lol)

What do you call a three humped camel?
Pregnant

OMG...The actual joke should be

whats orange and sounds like a parrot....

A carrot.... FFS!!!

Im going bed {smile}

What goes black white black white black white?
A nun rolling down a hill

What's black and white and laughs hysterically?
The nun that pushed her

What's brown and lays on a stage?

Showbiz

My theatrical friends don't find this as funny as I do.....

bumble

Shakespeare walks into a pub
Landlord says "Get out you Bard"

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're really good at it!

Crime in multi story car parks...wrong on so many levels!

Vet takes dog and examines carefully.. looks at concerned owner and says gravely... "I'm going to have to put her down"
Owner: "it's that bad?"
Vet: "no she's just very heavy!"

2 teddy bears sitting in an airing cupboard, which one's a soldier ?

The one sitting on the tank !

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto!

And you can tell if there is an elephant in your bed because there is a big E on its pyjamas!

Did you know there’s a group of powerful men who secretly control the world’s cheese?

They’re called the hallouminati.

What's the difference between a buffalo and an orchestra?

A buffalo has the horns at the front and the asshole at the back.

(Probably best appreciated by musicians )

What’s orange and comes down the chimney at Christmas?

Fanta.

How do you approach an angry cheese?

Caerphilly