To want to sit in the front seat....?

[PineapplePrincess]

Since DS was a baby, either me or DH has sat in the back seat of the car with him.

Made sense when he was a baby, but DS is now four.

DH is still pretty insistent that I sit in the back seat, mostly to ensure he stays awake during the car ride and not disturb with the bedtime schedule. But can insist at times that doesn’t impact bedtime, as apparently it’s just ‘easier that way’.

If I refuse, he’s been known to leave me in the passenger seat and for him to sit in the back - forcing me to move to drivers seat. My point is that DS is now old enough to sit in the back alone, so him moving is not helping.

DS has now got use to someone sitting with him all the time, and can become insistent that someone does too.

AIBU?

I only sat once in the back seat with my son and that was when we brought him home for the first time. My son sang along to the radio, made engine sounds or looked out of the window at the world. Even if hand held computers had been invented back then I would have never have given him one.

Is your child ever allowed time to just think, imagine, plan, dream?

What about sitting in the front passenger seat, when your dh gets out and sits in the back you stay where your sitting for as long as it takes until your dh gets back in the drivers seat.

Crazy . I am a cm and regularly have 3 pre school in my car. They all can’t sit with me and if I have 2 both are in the back as it’s the safest place to travel.

Thanks guys. I need to hear some sane thoughts on this subject. DH is so passionate about this, I start to question whether my logic is unreasonable.

@TeenTimesTwo - I wish it was DS that was the problem, but this is all DH. A giant teddy bear would just result in the three of them squished in the back together, 😜

@brownjumper - Ihave relaxed slightly, but thought I was compromising as he seemed to be making positive progress! I suspect you are right, this is about being the best parent and best friend to DS. And while a degree of that is admirable, it is not helpful to being a good parent. I think DH struggles with this, and me pointing it out is not always welcomed.

@BertrandRussell / @AllTakenSoRubbishUsername - I’m not opposed to DH sitting with DS occasionally as a treat. It’s when it’s all the time, and for very short journeys. Is it selfish to want my DS to sit with me and have the opportunity of an adult conversation?

@FelicityForthright - I don’t recognise the other aspects that you raise. DH’s priority is DS, to the sacrifice of everything and everyone else’s needs.

@Birdie6 - couldn’t agree more, DH doesn’t tend to be that way inclined.

@BumbleBee69 - I’m only driving to avoid another argument in front of DS. That, and I feel if I don’t every weekend would be this battle of wills. I’m exhausted and just want to have a nice day.

@QueenofLouisiana - I can imagine this going on forever. Or at least until DS wants it to stop. The newest challenge is I’m currently 6 months pregnant, so have been trying to use this as a catalyst for the new baby going in the back. However the way things are going I can see DS and DH either in the front and me and the baby in the other.

@3out - no one really to talk to. Have tried to speak to DH sister, who agrees his behaviours is odd; but she is obviously reluctant to get involved.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius - I like that tactic, but not sure if I’d have the will power to keep it up without (1) upsetting DS or (2) DH getting so infuriated that I engage in an argument.

I'm sorry but he's got issues and you need to deal with them now. He's going to look bloody stupid sat with a 13 year old in the back...............

I'd refuse point blank to go in the car with him until this stupidity stops. And mean it.

OP I’m sorry but your DH is undermining you, and you are both setting a poor example to your DS.

DH is showing your DS that Mummy doesn’t matter. How do you think that is going to work out when he is a teenager?

It’s emotional abuse.

And not that it’s even relevant, (because it’s not about naps is it?) but there is evidence that children who nap sleep better at night.

Dear lord, your poor DS is going to end up in trouble if your DH always treats him like this.

Sounds like you and DH need to drive straight to couples counselling, so you can be a team and to address whatever is fuelling his parenting style.

@Chaloais - yes, I encourage alone play and creative activities; the whole walk today was exploring the forest finding painted stones and other treasures, and leaving our own painted stones for others to find.

DH is not very good at this. He tends to want to play with DS all the time and doesn’t like him left to his own devices. This in turn tends to encourage DS to look for one of us to constantly play with him or entertain him.

If my DH did this I would honestly hide the seat belts behind the seats or fold the seats down.

I do think there is an underlying issue for this though. It can't be just because of your DS's sleeping, because not all of your car journeys make him go to sleep. Has your DH been in (or know anyone who's been in) an accident? Do you know of anything which has happened to a child he knows because they were in the back seat? Does he think DS will unclip himself or try to open the door? Is he worried about the car seat being safe enough etc?

I know a woman who had her children forward facing in the pram from birth until they was out of the pram and it was because a lady she knew had her baby die from SIDS in the pram and she didn't realise until she turned the pram around to check on him.

I would show his this from ROSPA about the rear of the car being the safest place for a child to travel in a car.

Also note the If a baby or child needs to be monitored, for health reasons for example yes, health reasons.

You are setting the example that a 4 year old needs to be constantly entertained/engaged in conversation. Not good for the future.

Your Dh tells you not to dictate where he sits in the car but then allows your 4 year old to decide.

Both my children had severe reflux and were under a paediatrician, so of course if there were 2 adults in the car, one of us sat in the back. On all other journeys the baby was in the back by himself. Then sat next to his brother who at 3 could tell me if the baby had been sick, although I did have a mirror to enable me to see him.

I would do grey rock, sit in the front. Do not move. You need to be more stubborn that your Dh. So what if it upsets your son, this is your hill to die on surely.

There is no way I would keep sitting in the back, especially as you are now 6 months pregnant. Your Dh is being a dick.

Just refuse to go anywhere in the car with the both of them unless the adults sit in the front.

I am sorry to hear of your miscarriages. Do you think your DH would be 'better' if you had more children? Or would he be just as obsessive if you had loads? (The play thing is annoying too. They need to be able to play alone with their own imaginations too)

I would slap him
But moe sensible people have said sit him down when you are alone and tell him he is ubreasonable. Can you rope his mum or health visitor in as support? Withdraw all privileges, don't cook, be very difficult until he gets in line. He will sulk but you have win

" I’m currently 6 months pregnant, "

Congratulations!

I’m currently 6 months pregnant,

Ah missed that in your post. Congratulations!

Your DH definitely needs to calm down when new baby arrives. Do you think he might move his intense focus onto the newborn? Or try to oversee both of them all the time?

OP I’m sorry to hear about your previous miscarriages, but it doesn’t make your DH’s behaviour acceptable.

You are a pregnant woman in what may be an abusive relationship. Please talk to your HV and midwife.