To want to sit in the front seat....?

[PineapplePrincess]

Since DS was a baby, either me or DH has sat in the back seat of the car with him.

Made sense when he was a baby, but DS is now four.

DH is still pretty insistent that I sit in the back seat, mostly to ensure he stays awake during the car ride and not disturb with the bedtime schedule. But can insist at times that doesn’t impact bedtime, as apparently it’s just ‘easier that way’.

If I refuse, he’s been known to leave me in the passenger seat and for him to sit in the back - forcing me to move to drivers seat. My point is that DS is now old enough to sit in the back alone, so him moving is not helping.

DS has now got use to someone sitting with him all the time, and can become insistent that someone does too.

AIBU?

I understand the sleep issue, does your husband get up if your son wakes??
He is control freaky, sitting in the back as a protest is passive aggressive shit snacks.

There's plenty you can do with an iPad that helps development, Rocinante. It's at least as valuable as looking for cars of different colours, or being poked and prodded by your mother to stop you falling asleep.

drop a toy and insist it’s picked up immediately

Expect we would all like to have a personal slave to be available in this way, good luck to tbe child when they start school.

Was there a reason all 3 of you needed to go to the shops today?
In today's situation, I would simply have got out of the car, and back in to the house to have a break whilst dh and ds went to shops.
Your dh needs to realise he doesn't unilaterally get to decide whether someone sits in the back with ds, as he has done for the past four years. You have as much a right to state your claim for not sitting in back - it's babying your ds, as he does for one if you sitting there.,

Of all the bonkers threads I've read on MN this takes the biscuit. This is complete madness - a child who expects to have a dropped toy picked up instantly, has ro have an adult in the back seat with him and can't manage a car journey without a. iPad - God help you as he gets older, Princess, he's going to be a little tyrant.

@Rocinante1 - I’m not ignoring the questions about the iPad. I don’t feel the need to justify this - my DS gets occasional access to the iPad.

He has no usage at all during the week and occasional use at the weekend. This is generally limited to longer car rides and sometimes if we’re in a restaurant and he’s finished his dinner and we are not. Rest of the time he’s outdoors running about, swimming or other an exertion activity. He’s not sat in front of a screen, we’d never get him to bed if he was vegged out all day.

He has limited educational games he can pick from and a handful of preapproved movies.

If we’re in the car he’s very much encouraged to chat to us, look out the window, count items, point to named things and ‘duck’ under bridges and underpasses. The iPad only supplements these activities when journey is long or the view uneventful - he would fall asleep quicker if just watching movies, which we actively try to stop.

I’m with your DH on the falling asleep thing. We do everything we can to keep our DC awake on the way home from days out, otherwise it totally fucks up bedtime and our child-free evening is eaten into while we get them off to sleep. My child-free evening watching grown up tv and eating dinner in peace is worth a lot more to me than sitting in the front.

Now DC2 has outgrown the infant car seat and is in a fitted ERF seat we can’t sit with them (previously infant car seat was on front passenger seat with one adult in the back behind the driver and DC1 also in the back), so we deploy loud singing, iPads in holders, CBeebies radio etc. I wish I could still sit in the back with them but my arse is too large to squish between the car seats in the back. 😂

For short journeys we have never been bothered really and I think your DH aid beong unreasonable about that.

But...it sounds like he is very anxious about the situation. In which case trying to force him into changing isn’t a) very constructive or b) very kind. I’d try and have an open conversation with him about it to understand his point of view, and go from there. If he’s worried about something irrational then maybe you can help him overcome it.

both mine got/get carsick so i've been demoted to the back since forever. to be fair the last time anyone was carsick it was me so maybe i can call priority now :D

Op.
I have a friend who has treated her one ds like this, and it really really doesn't work. The constant attention, the constant thinking about his needs etc. What has happened is it's resulted in an incredibly anxious 7 year old, the pressure of his parents happiness resting on his shoulders. 'Where do you want to go ds?' Etc all the time. Poor child constantly having to choose everything.
Just let him be.

You DH reminds me a bit of my own, although more extreme. My DH is not neutotypical and it makes him a bit less flexible and adaptable as thing change. One example is we scheduled dinner at 5pm when the kids were tiny. When school aged he complained I hadn’t fed them as their dinner should be 5pm. At that point they could wait a bit longer and went to bed later.

@MissClareRemembers @feebeecat @igg1999 - thanks for your well wishes.

Behaviour has predated MCs. DH had very pragmatic approach to how we would parent DS before he was born, when he arrived everything went out the window and he turned to moosh. Most things he can be quite sensible about, but then there is random stuff like this. But there is no doubt MCs have probably increased DS’ value to him, if that make sense.

As for keeping trying post MCs, I think that’s less likely these days, age is not on our side unfortunately.

Give him a pile of books and toys to play with. But let him have iPad if it's such a big deal to keep him awake. You're both behaving oddly by jumping into certain seats, not having the conversation in advance 😳

Sorry Pineapple, not trying to push you re ttc, you will know yourself when you’ve had enough. My dc2 waited till I was in my 40s to arrive so that did give me hope!
With my own children we just put them in the back and ignore them, mostly

Just sit in the front. Child needs to learn not to be so egocentric and to understand adults and children have different needs and wishes. If he kicks off tell him to be quiet.
What happens when you’re driving? What about when you’re alone.
It doesn’t affect sleep that much - travelling is tiring. You can entertain with singalong tapes and alphabet tapes etc. A few puppets to hand to tell stories are good. A DVD player/iPad holder behind headrest for longer journeys.

This reminds.me of that thread about the total dickhead dad who cried because the wife tookthemto Harry Potter world whike he was at work.

I think if I was you I would have sat in the back for the 1st journey and then walked between the shops for the 2nd, tried again for the 3rd and walked home leaving the boys to themselves.

You absolutely need to refuse to sit anywhere except the passenger seat until this is broken. Either sit there or use alternative transport including walking and taking a nice few hours walking knowing that DH is having to take care of DS by himself.

I have never understood why anyone sits in the back with their children.

This is going to be a very hard cycle to break and I hope you haven't left it too long.

@Bluelady
*
Of all the bonkers threads I've read on MN this takes the biscuit. This is complete madness - a child who expects to have a dropped toy picked up instantly, has ro have an adult in the back seat with him and can't manage a car journey without a. iPad - God help you as he gets older, Princess, he's going to be a little tyrant*.

And all the others "blaming" the child, this is what the parents have taught the child. He sees them arguing over the fact that one won't sit in the back with him. He therefore sees that daddy is angry with mummy because daddy says someone should be in the back of the car. He's been taught that when both are in the car then toys will be instantly retrieved it's not his fault! The parents need to unite together and break the cycle calmly, they have taught the child to expect so he does expect it....but not his fault! He sees them falling out of it and thinks he's being deprived.

It's not just tell the child to get on with it, for four years he thinks this is normal behaviour and feels deprived when it's taken away.

The parenting is at fault not the child.

Ha, we did this until a friend pointed out how bonkers we were being... when DD was about 6 months!

You have a DH problem.

Just shout 'SHOTGUN' every time you're going out together in the car. Nobody can argue with shotgun unless you're a 'bagsy' family, if so then shout that.

he sounds very anxious even the 10 minute car ride hes insisteing on sitting with him-it makes no sense

Oh good god, helicopter parenting at its finest - of course a 4 year old is capable of being on his own in the back. Tell your husband he's being a numpty and if he is sooo desperate for someone to sit in the back he can do it while you drive!!

I only sat in the back on the first car journey as I had to reassure myself that chin on chest meant dc1 could still breathe. After that we both sat in the front.

If dc1 needs to be kept awake I watch him in the mirror and shout to get his attention when he looks like he's drifting, then I try and talk at him very loudly until we get home.

Your DH is being totally ridiculous, what harm does he think will come to him in the back alone? Certainly safer than putting him in the front.