Anyone else have no friends?

[shirl9494]

Not really an AIBU but just wondered if there's anyone else out there like me.

I have no friends, and I haven't since school. From what I've seen, most people's best friends were met when they were at school/university, and it's hard to meet close friends after this point anyway. I lost touch with my school friends a long time ago, and didn't really gel with anyone at university.

Ever since, the only people I've had any social contact with have been colleagues and that's a very different kind of relationship. We'd get on well and socialise at work events, but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be). People move on, and colleagues aren't the same as friends.

Usually I am fine with being a loner, as I don't mind doing things alone. But sometimes I think maybe I am a bit weird. I don't have any friends I can call about problems or to gossip with, I don't have any girlfriends to meet for drinks, go on holiday with, go shopping with etc etc. I've accepted this as my normal but I can't think of anyone else like me IRL.

Anyone else the same?

I don't have any real friends either. You're not alone, OP. The only people I've ever really socialised with are colleagues. I've kept in touch online with quite a few and I do miss seeing them every day but that's different to having friends, isn't it?

It doesn't help that I've moved 200 miles from my home area and also find it difficult to make friends anyway. I love spending time with my hubby and my stepkids visit, but it'd be nice just to have a friend round for drinks or pop out to a cosy pub for a catch up. I'm disabled so it would take a lot of effort for me but it would be worth it.

I try not to get too down about it all, but I can't help it. I get quite upset at times.

To add, neither me or my partner work so we have absolutely fuck all to talk about. It’s draining.

I could have written this.post. i have one good friend of 25+years but we live over 200 miles from each other, we have lost contact several times over the years, its only through my efforts we are in touch. We actually dont have much in common and she only contacts me when she wants a cheap holiday (i live in quite touristy area). I made good friends with a woman I used to work with but again unless i pick up the phone or knock on her door she doesn't bother. I work days and my dp works nights so come 7.30 when the kids are in bed i find myself scrolling through mn staring at the same walls wishing someone would just text or call round for a brew and a natter!

Me 100%. I ha E old friends that I see once a year or something but no one I just go to hang out with that I am not related to. Moved countries after school. Didn't socialise a uni because I just didn't have the time. Loathed the whole mummy groups thing. Parents from school are a career people with their own lives. May have to make more of an effort because I'm not sure what I am going to do when my children. Get older and I actually have time/energy to socialise.

I probably have asd, and in particular as a teenager / young adult had quite severe social anxiety. Didn’t have many friends and lost touch with school friends quite quickly.

Fast forward 25 years and I’m a lot better in my own skin. I’d agree that once you’re out of education, it’s hard to make friends. I’m a sahm at the mo, and I find it easy to chat to others, but I find it hard to convert these acquaintances into friendships, and also to know how others like me (or not!). Anyone got any practical suggestions?

Me.
Totally alone and lost right now

It is of course easier if you have stayed in one place all your life. I think people with networks - family and friends - often can't appreciate that it's a very uphill and often impossible struggle to break into existing groups.

I have friends flung around - but it is an effort to see someone who lives 200 miles away and to be honest who wants to hang out for a whole weekend? Even worse with spouses (or heaven forbid children )in tow?!

I would really like a friend or two with whom I could meet up for coffee/go to an event/theatre/anything really, without the necessity of overnight shenanigans or grand travel plans.

Belle12345 I hope everything went well today for your son. Hope he has a speedy recovery and you get a good nights sleep tonight.

@coolncalm been to see him he's ok just groggy he's got a drain in his knee so staying over night !! Hopefully out in the morning x can I tape love island 🙄🙄sorely tempted to poke bad knee!!!!! Love to all xx

@Belle12345 glad he’s ok, hope you are too 💐

I love the dating style friend maker idea.

Iwantaunicorn 30’s SAHM to DTs
seeks friends with a good sense of humour in the sussex area for random nights out, good conversation and general fun.

Worried it reads more like a job advert, OLD wasn’t a thing last time I was looking 🤪

I have two friends, one who I met at work and one on the internet. The rest of the people I'd call friends are still online-only and live in different countries.

I don't mind, to be honest. I'm very introverted and have GAD, so it suits me to have friendships where we can talk without time pressure (i.e. I don't have to reply straight away) and I can hide in my room in my PJs and still socialise. I see one 3D friend about once a month, and the other every few months. It's enough for me.

Belle12345 Glad it's all over and done with. Now you know your little ones ok you can relax. Try to have a good sleep tonight, i know it's hard in hospital but at least you won't be worrying as much now. xx

@coolncalm thanks for your kind wishes today xx see we not as lonely as we think we are xxxx 💐💐💐

I have no friends either. I’ve never felt so alone and isolated since having children. I think I’m too direct and sometimes negative.

East Mids here if anyone needs a friend! Or just send a message if you’d like to talk. We’ve had lots of lonely people post on this thread and I know how hard that can be.

Belle12345 You're not alone, you can always come on here. xx

It can be so hard, I used to feel like this. I moved to London ten years ago and knew absolutely no one. I knew I was here to stay and tried to avoid transitional/expat communities as much as possible - people may be around for a few years, but then they leave. I'm quite introverted (with occasional extrovert bursts) but I found I had to work twice as hard to 'break in' to friendship groups. Ten years down the line, I have a big group of friends where I could call anyone if I was in trouble. But thinking back, I'm amazed I manage to summon the energy to get to the point where I am 'equal' to their family friends or friends from school. And if anyone is in central/south-east London you'd be very welcome to join for a quiz night.

polarbear yes, absolutely you should facebook friend request someone you've just spent an evening at a dinner party with! I can't think of any reason you wouldn't (providing you liked them) it would be an automatic reflex for me (as would saying 'do you fancy meeting up for cake next week?' as you said goodbye).

Friending potential friends on Facebook is an excellent way of making actual friends - you accelerate the 'intimacy' stage through seeing a window into their life and you always have a topic of conversation when you see them: 'where was it you were kayaking the other day - it looked great!'

Do you know what you lot, you have deffo got me as friend we don't have to meet up exchange numbers nothing but if you want a text and your feeling down message me and I'll message back thank you so much for listening when I possibly was at my lowest x hugs flowers and deffo cool calm breezes to all xx

I've lost most friends in the past few years...going from a carefree (careless) party girl to settling down and having a family!! I'm a stay at home Mum so no work friends either!!
Any fellow loners in the Lincoln area?

Yes I am the same.zero friends.ive had social anxiety since I was around 15/16 (actually had quite a lot of friends in primary school and secondary school up until this point) and since then I have never been able to maintain friendships.

I have had several short term friendships over the years and get on well with colleagues but can't seem to hold on to that once I move on.

I feel sad sometimes that I have no one to chat to or do girly things that my husband has no interest in.my husband doesn't drink so can't go out to the pub really as no one to go with.

I'm also pregnant with my first child-very very little family around us and I'm terrified that my child will be disadvantaged because their parents have no friends.

Sometimes I long for group chats on WhatsApp,people to ask advice of or just chat with,a social life etc but I have accepted that it just isn't going to happen and I just need to hope my kids don't end up the same way.

Anyone in central Scotland?

@topsyturvy123 I worry the same about my kids, and am in a similar position as I just don’t have much family, especially locally. On the plus side, my HV said they don’t become too aware of that sort of thing until they’re toddler+ which reassured me, and buys me some more time lol. I’m trying hard to get out of my comfort zone and meet up with other mums, but it’s difficult! Congrats on your pregnancy, how far along are you?

@Iwantaunicorn thank you very much-I'm just shy of 12 weeks pregnant so still very early days but it has been on my mind even before I thought about ttc. What your HV said is reassuring and I'm really prepared to step out of my comfort zone for the benefit of the child but as you say,it's scary! I just already dread my child noticing as it gets older that birthday parties are smaller or Christmas presents are fewer than their friends because I don't have much family and zero friends (although I do want to teach them that presents aren't everything and life is about experiences) but kids are kids and notice things like this.