Anyone else have no friends?

[shirl9494]

Not really an AIBU but just wondered if there's anyone else out there like me.

I have no friends, and I haven't since school. From what I've seen, most people's best friends were met when they were at school/university, and it's hard to meet close friends after this point anyway. I lost touch with my school friends a long time ago, and didn't really gel with anyone at university.

Ever since, the only people I've had any social contact with have been colleagues and that's a very different kind of relationship. We'd get on well and socialise at work events, but when I left the jobs that was it (as it should be). People move on, and colleagues aren't the same as friends.

Usually I am fine with being a loner, as I don't mind doing things alone. But sometimes I think maybe I am a bit weird. I don't have any friends I can call about problems or to gossip with, I don't have any girlfriends to meet for drinks, go on holiday with, go shopping with etc etc. I've accepted this as my normal but I can't think of anyone else like me IRL.

Anyone else the same?

I had two best friends at school, and then loads of friends at university - one in particular was like a sister in that we went to work abroad together. However, long-term I let them all go when I found myself in a serious relationship with my now husband. We have couples we are friendly with, but I'd never arrange to go out with any of them on a 1 - 1 basis.

I have not had any close female friends for years, largely because I have reverted to the introverted state of my childhood; I don't want to make the effort to invest in friendships outside my immediate family. It's laziness and an unwillingness to give too much of myself. So on the one hand I sometimes envy people with friends, but I am not prepared to invest in making friends, so don't actually deserve them. But I'm happy being quite self-contained.

Don’t really have any friends either. I find that I’m always doing the chasing and the two friends I have (met at uni), don’t ever want to meet up. They have their own friendship groups from school and live in the same town. I find it heartbreaking because you always see others going out, having fun and celebrating their birthdays together. But no one wants to celebrate mine with me

It's helpful just to read that others feel the same as me - and I hope you feel that too op.

I have lots of friends who are really just acquaintances. I make friends on the face of it, pretty easily as I get along with people and am pretty chatty, so I know lots of people through work, (now grown up) children's activities, dog activities. But even people I feel are friends have their own closer circles of friends that I'm not part of. I often look round whistfully when I'm shopping as I'm the one on my own, and I sometimes go to the theatre on my own. I've been married a long time and I suppose my husband's my only real friend and we can talk about almost anything, but sometimes he doesn't quite cut it 🤣

I haven't read the whole thread but am feeling a bit happier having read the first few replies.
I have no friends either. I have my husband, mum and sister and I occasionally talk to my other sister, my brother and his wife.

I rarely talk to people at the school gate but hardly ever do the school run. My child did go to another child's house but their mum cancelled the return offer and now I feel so awkward that I actively avoid talking to her. She probably thinks I'm a weirdo now so avoids me anyway.

I did have a friend before I had my eldest but she got a new job, moved away and never text again. She was very flaky anyway and that annoyed me.

I don't have a permanent and regular place of work (I am a supply teacher) so don't have colleagues that I can socialise with.

I do feel lonely but, strangely, I feel more lonely and isolated when I'm at home all day on my own with the children - when it's just me I'm fine.

Maybe we should have a section here on mn where we could advertise for friends! Could be online/text/phone friends...

Ah thanks for the kind wishes everyone at least we are all here for one another x as much as we feel alone sometimes we are not !! Xx

Thinking of you and DS today, Belle. Hope you managed to get some sleep last night

Belle12345 Hope everything goes well today for your son, I'm sure he'll be fine.

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologises if this have been said.
Those who find it hard to make for friends I really sympathise.
This who don't think you need friends because you have a friendship with your dp/Dh or your children, you are mad! I can't believe that you think live without friends and friendship outside of your families is as rich as a life with friends on top of what you have.
I can see the heartache and loneliness ahead of some of you in this situation, even if you can't.

I have several really lovely friends (some I only see once or twice a year now because of distance) but no big group/gaggle of girls since school - I would love to have this too, but don't think that's going to happen now.
I can't imagine not realising the importance and preciousness of friendships.

Belle have sent you a pm x

Interesting about expats/frequent movers being easier to make friends with. I have experienced both: when I lived abroad I made some "friends" but to tell the truth, I did not pursue the friendships when I moved on. And rightbackatchya (or me, rather) when I had dd I made a very nice friend as she had same-age baby. They were frequent movers through her dh's job and, as I should have known, I was dropped like a stone never to be contacted again when he was transferred.

I always get a bit downhearted when I read on MN about the "no vacancies" thing. Anyone who tries to be sociable at work/school gate (worst of all the school gate!)/evening classes/dog walking is sneered at by many posters as you should have your friends already .

Out of curiosity, do those of you who don't have friends actually even like people?

No. I like the idea of people but not actual people. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I find the idea of human interaction far more satisfying than actual interaction

This.

I don’t have any close friends now and TBH I don’t want any. I have to deal with people all day at work and then with my kids and DP at home. I have no energy left for doing more of the same afterwards, as I find socialising exhausting.

Amy spare social energy I use up on “ non optional “ socialising eg with family.

Or the small amount of social interaction that happens alongside the hobbies and volunteering that I do enjoy.

I’m so glad my youngest child has left primary school so I never have to do school gate socialising any more.

I hate most of the things that are considered “ normal “ social events for women - going out for meals or drinks, pubs and clubs , spa days etc. Anything that involves getting dressed up in high heels, short tight skirts and having your nails done

No one I know IRL knows all this. I know it’s completely taboo to admit it.

I have my best friend who I've known for 30 years but lives 150 miles away and one other "close" friend who I met through our DC bring friends. But that's it.

All of the people I socialise with are either:

1. people met through work
2. other school mums
3. partners of DHs friends
4. DH siblings and partners

None of these I would class as "friends" or people I could confide in/go to for tea and sympathy etc etc.

I didn't for a long time, but I didn't care. Even at the mother and baby group my dad was asking why I hadn't made any friends.

DH asked DS2 if he had lots of friends when he started school, I questioned why it mattered, and by asking the question, you can potentially make someone feel like shit.

That sounds rather superior , Louisa, as if all other women - including those on this thread who have admitted that they don't have friends but would quite like one or two - are just desperate to squeeze into a short tight skirt and hobble off on a spa day [sceptical] .

In an effort to widen my social circle (beyond one!) I plucked up courage to join a hobby group. After the first session I was buttonholed by the organiser and asked to bring all my friends to a coffee morning type thing. I couldn't think of what to say.

God I’m so happy I read this thread. I have no friends and I am always so sad about it. I really struggle with it and even though I have a great job, great family and a great life this is the one thing that’s missing. The groups at the school gate have no vacancies and my colleagues are
Much younger than me and at different stages in their lives. My dh is a social animal and has loads of friends who he goes out with but I always feel so left out.

I don’t have any close friends now and TBH I don’t want any. I have to deal with people all day at work and then with my kids and DP at home. I have no energy left for doing more of the same afterwards, as I find socialising exhausting.

Yup. I made the effort for years to have friends, and it's only since the last friendship group fizzled out do I realize how much HAPPIER I am not making the effort. No more listening to other people whinge, no more fancy holidays shoved in my face, no more guilt tripping for not wanting to go get shit-faced on a week night. I'm so much happier now.

@coolncalm
@BlancheM

Thank you so much for thinking of us x ment the world XX hugs back
Ps had about 56 minutes sleep xx!!!!
He went down about 9 ish should be in recovery 2ish home 7 ish!!!!! All being well xxx

I know not all women are into spa days and getting coffee but I think it does make it harder if you're not into the popular social stuff. On my local Meetup groups, coffee/drinks/meals out are always really popular. Every so often somebody tries to start something sporty or board games or going to the local university for some event and it falls flat. At work, the younger staff go out for drinks and the older staff go out for meals. Every year, my local college tries to do art and language classes and most of them get cancelled due to lack of interest. Probably slightly easier in a big city but in my decent sized town, I sometimes feel like I'm the only person who's out of my depth doing socialising that revolves around making conversation.

A "friend finder" area on here would be great.

I sympathise. Moved across the country several years ago, with my lovely DP, for job purposes.

Friends who I have known for 20-30 years, and who live in/around home city, always say ‘Let me know when you are visiting home city’. DH and I initially used to visit a lot. However we just can’t afford frequent train fares and hotels now. My friends can’t put me up, for various reasons.

Nobody has visited me for a few years apart from one friend who was stopping off overnight after visiting her friends. Another friend visits my county regularly, and has to change trains at my local station on her way to visit her family, but never thinks to let me know.

Scrolling through my phone, I can see that I am waiting to hear back from them all, and I don’t hear from any of them on FB, beyond the occasional like. I did find it hard to make good friends at school - I had lots of acquaintances, but was never anyone’s closest friend. All my home city friends have closer friends too.

As for friends in new city, I have gone along to various things, sometimes with DH, and have met a few lovely people over the years. They do have busy lives though and we don’t meet that often. I am always the one to contact them.

I joined a volunteering group once and was told to ‘get a group of my friends together’ and take over the group, because the leader was leaving! The whole point of joining was for me to make new friends! I never went back.

Thanks for letting me ramble on!

I have found my people!

I have one close friend. We are still close now but are a plane ride from eachother. I haven’t seen her for about 4 years now. We can’t really travel because the younger one has too much supplies to carry around. I haven’t made any friends where I live and so it’s me, partner and two girls all the time. I like being alone, I like my quiet times but when it’s never ending along with stress of kids etc it’s depressing. I already have a lot of mental health issues and loneliness doesn’t help. I’ve always found it difficult to make friends as it is.

I have no friends too. My sister is my only true real friend. I often crave friendships but aside from my sister I can't be arsed with the number of 2 faced people out there.