For pancake gate to be the final straw?

[Evangelinedream]

Full disclosure- I’ve been really stressed recently so I’m fully ready to be told I’m being unreasonable. Anyway...

I have long standing issues with feeling like DP doesn’t respect me. He has made comments in the past about me “not being able to cope with life”, thinks I exaggerate how tough my job is, and often gets upset about things I’ve done that I’m not allowed to be upset with him about.

So tonight was pancake gate. He said he’d bought ready made pancakes for dessert and how many would I like? So I asked how thick are they - are they like American pancakes or French pancakes?

He refuses to tell me how thick they are and keeps saying “ they’re British pancakes, you know how thick British pancakes are”. After he keeps refusing to tell me I lose it and leave the room - he tells me to “get a grip you loser” on the way out.

After I couple of hours I go to ask if he’d like to talk. He says there’s nothing to talk about, I’m taking my stress out on him and he did nothing wrong.

I feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back. I think his refusal to answer my question simply shows how little respect he has for me, why did he have to carry on the stupid dance?? He reckons I knew how thick a british pancake was. Why can’t he just believe me and tell me?? Why does he have to try and teach me a lesson?

What does mumsnet wisdom think? Am I crazy or is he?

Just realised how petty I sound talking about bloody pancakes!!

From that argument alone, I would leave him

Honestly how hard is it to say "they are thicker than the French pancakes"

It sounds like he gets off on winding you up

He's a wind up merchant and likes taking the piss, and calling you a loser, I'd be livid.

Do you have kids?

Pancakegate is not unfamiliar to me.

Sounds like he's spoiling for a fight.

I think he spoke to you unpleasantly and that’s not on, but I do think he answered your question. British pancakes, like for pancake day, not American pancakes like in a diner. They aren’t quite like French ones. I’m sure you just have known what he meant.

Tell him “all you needed was an answer, It’s not hard.” If that was my DH I would have told him I didn’t want any anyway.

Yeh he could have just said how think they were. Why was that so diffiult to do?

Must be wearing so i dont blame you. How long together?

Must, not just.
And to reiterate, he definitely shouldn’t speak to you like that.

You are not crazy and it's not about the pancakes. He's a spiteful fucker.

He sounds like one of those really horrible people who enjoys winding others up then playing the victim when the fallout occurs.

If he thinks youre a loser why is he with you?

If my DH said British pankcakes I dont think I would have known because the ones we get are thick and I would have presumed that’s what he meant.

cardi thats not the point. And i dont know what the difference is between american and british? Just answer the question without the fucking mystery. Thick or crepe. Fuck sake its not hard

He’s a nasty shit. Does he have any good points?

Doesn't sound unreasonable on your part. And it's not about pancakes is it, it's about attitude and him not really being kind to you.

He was trying to make you feel stupid, and trying to pick a fight. How hard would it have been to describe the thickness?

If this is part of a regular pattern of behaviour, then no, it's not unreasonable for this to be the final straw.

God what a petty guy, why couldn't he just a) answer the question or b) go and get the packet of bloody pancakes to show you. This is such a non-thing to argue about really but I can understand why it was irritating a d then the fact that he called you a loser is just horrible. And makes no sense. Why would not being able to discern the precise thickness of a 'British pancake' make you a loser?

He sounds like awfully hard work and more than I would put up with to be honest.

He sounds mean. And your husband is supposed to be nice to you, not mean.

It doesn’t really matter whether he was being a twat or you were overreacting. You are not compatible. The communication between the two of you has broken down. You don’t have to stay in a relationship that isn’t working.

Bit of she had known she wouldn’t have asked. I make pancakes of my own thickness - they are of no discernible nationality but rather whatever I mix the batter to be like. It was a simple question which he answered in an obtuse manner.

I’ve said it’s not the point, Whisky. I’ve said he shouldn’t speak like that. But British type pancakes are a thing, they’re the 9nes you make 8n a frying pan on pancake day. A bit thicker than French crepes but not think and cakes like American ones.

Excuse typos. Hope it’s clear.

Is Scotland not part of Britain? Their pancakes are nothing like the thin ones you get in England. You should have asked if they were Scotch ones or English ones as there is no such thing as British ones!!

He’s bullying you. Sounds awful.

I’m sorry, I need to know - how thick were they in the end? To the nearest millimetre if you can?

Yes demented! That’s what I tend to make. Like drop scones