Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For pancake gate to be the final straw?

227 replies

Evangelinedream · 20/07/2018 22:09

Full disclosure- I’ve been really stressed recently so I’m fully ready to be told I’m being unreasonable. Anyway...

I have long standing issues with feeling like DP doesn’t respect me. He has made comments in the past about me “not being able to cope with life”, thinks I exaggerate how tough my job is, and often gets upset about things I’ve done that I’m not allowed to be upset with him about.

So tonight was pancake gate. He said he’d bought ready made pancakes for dessert and how many would I like? So I asked how thick are they - are they like American pancakes or French pancakes?

He refuses to tell me how thick they are and keeps saying “ they’re British pancakes, you know how thick British pancakes are”. After he keeps refusing to tell me I lose it and leave the room - he tells me to “get a grip you loser” on the way out.

After I couple of hours I go to ask if he’d like to talk. He says there’s nothing to talk about, I’m taking my stress out on him and he did nothing wrong.

I feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back. I think his refusal to answer my question simply shows how little respect he has for me, why did he have to carry on the stupid dance?? He reckons I knew how thick a british pancake was. Why can’t he just believe me and tell me?? Why does he have to try and teach me a lesson?

What does mumsnet wisdom think? Am I crazy or is he?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 20/07/2018 22:23

He's gaslighting you. Saying you have a problem for asking a perfectly innocent question. He's the one with the problem. I couldn't live with such an arse.

pallisers · 20/07/2018 22:23

He refuses to tell me how thick they are and keeps saying “ they’re British pancakes, you know how thick British pancakes are”. After he keeps refusing to tell me I lose it and leave the room - he tells me to “get a grip you loser” on the way out.

he sounds like a particularly nasty teenager.

what you are experiencing is called the straw that broke the camel's back.

Being with someone is supposed to be nice, kind, pleasant, funny. It is supposed to enhance your life, not make it grim and miserable.

StorminaBcup · 20/07/2018 22:24

Valid question OP, it deserved an answer. Have you had a problems for a while? Is your dp type to engineer situations so that he gets the result he needs without doing the dirty work? If he's trying to make you hate him he's going about it the right way.

Playdohnut · 20/07/2018 22:24

French pancakes are crepes and certainly thinner than I could make at home. American pancakes are thick like cakes. British pancakes are in between - like what you make for pancake day - standard pancakes, if you will. He may have thought you were willfully misunderstanding him. From this snapshot of your relationship, it's hard to say if you were being reasonable and he was deliberately being awkward or if it was you who in this instance was being deliberately pedantic/awkward in refusing to accept his answer, which was seemingly clear. Is there context as to why you didn't understand his meaning? Have you not had pancakes before? I'm not saying you are being unreasonable, but on the face of it and without other context, it's not clear you were totally reasonable either.

Booklover18 · 20/07/2018 22:24

Oh dear, I sort of get where your other half is coming from?? He’s making pancakes, so I presume like on pancake day, thin in a frying pan?? And is it really worth an argument? He’s trying his best, making pancakes, doing a nice thing and everyone is being really negative?? Does it matter if they are thin or thick? He’s trying to do a nice thing, give the bloke a break, lots of men wouldn’t even be trying.

PurpleArmy · 20/07/2018 22:25

British pancake - whoever heard of that term?

I'd be thinking do they mean scotch pancake or drop scone - small, round, a thick as a thick slice of bread

or pancake day pancake - like a crepe but no as thin?

dementedpixie · 20/07/2018 22:26

He didn't make them, he bought them!

British pancakes are not a thing btw

pangolina · 20/07/2018 22:26

He sounds like an arsehole.

Whisky2014 · 20/07/2018 22:27

book he didnt make them he bought them i think? Big deal.

Not hard to answer a question and worse to be called a loser from someone who is suppose to care about you

Original poster
Evangelinedream · 20/07/2018 22:27

Must admit I’m thoroughly enjoying the debate on pancake thickness Grin they were thin ones in the end dafspunk, like crepes.

Good to know I’m not completely crazy - thanks for that haha. We’ve been together nearly three years.

This is what I don’t understand WomanWithAttitude - why couldn’t he just tell me?? I think he’d decided that I did know and was just trying to wind him up? I’m just so exhausted with having to justify myself when he’s “decided” how I’m feeling/ thinking

OP posts:
PurpleArmy · 20/07/2018 22:28

lots of men wouldn’t even be trying

I hate that - there is the lowest common denominator of making no effort, be grateful he isn't that shit.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 20/07/2018 22:28

Tell the ignorant fuck to shove the pancakes up his arse...granted he’ll probably have to toast them first.

ParkheadParadise · 20/07/2018 22:29

DontDrinkDontSmoke
😂😂😂😂

TwoGinScentedTears · 20/07/2018 22:30

Life is far too short for this crap. Go and enjoy your life! Probably best without him though.

nocoolnamesleft · 20/07/2018 22:31

But British pancakes (okay, English pancake day pancakes) are between those two thicknesses. So it's not a which of those two are they like sort of question.

Original poster
Evangelinedream · 20/07/2018 22:31

Sorry booklover just realised I wasn’t clear - I was asking how thick they were so I could decide how many I want.

Maybe I should know how thick a british pancake is? I don’t have them often so used the only two “stereotypes” I knew.

OP posts:
SmileSweetly · 20/07/2018 22:32

You don't like each other very much, do you?

Original poster
Evangelinedream · 20/07/2018 22:33

He bought them - I’m very appreciative that he had made an effort, many wouldn’t. But does that make up for being awkward and refusing to answer a simple question?

OP posts:
Original poster
Evangelinedream · 20/07/2018 22:34

Purplearmy no kids, unmarried

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 20/07/2018 22:35

If that is an example of how annoying conversations are with this man, i wouldn’t be eating pancakes with him any more.

RandomMess · 20/07/2018 22:35

He was nasty on purpose LTB, any kind person would have said "like crepes" or just brought one in to show you!

fourandnomore · 20/07/2018 22:37

Oh and I totally get why you asked, thick ones two please, thin ones 3 or 4 please! Not a difficult question to answer at all.

ChestOfFields · 20/07/2018 22:37

He sounds very mean to you, like he needs to make you feel stupid and him superior.
You deserve better!

Whisky2014 · 20/07/2018 22:38

So what you gona do?

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 20/07/2018 22:38

Purplearmy no kids, unmarried

Oh good, pretty straightforward to extract yourself then.