To not give DD her supper until she's apologised?

[CillaBlackFanOnIce]

It's all cooked and ready, I'm eating mine as I type. But she has spent the last half an hour being so stunningly rude and unapologetic I've told her she can't have supper until I get an apology.

I generally go for a more gentle approach my parenting but at times she's so fucking stubborn, absolutely nothing gets through to her. I have no intention of making her go to bed hungry, but I do intend to get an apology and an understanding of how unacceptable her behaviour is.

AIBU?

Well yes, that would have been a problem if her DD was a REALLY challenging child.

I wasn't a REALLY challenging child but there is no way I would have apologised to get food even at 8. I have no doubt that I would have gone to bed hungry to make the point that I could not be controlled like. I might have refused tea the next day and the day after too just to make the point.

I think what you did was reasonable OP.
I can't believe the complete over the top responses you are getting.

Please don't let it get you don't because I bunch of keyboard warrior perfect parents are choosing to blow the whole thing out of proportion.

Please don't let it get you don't because I bunch of keyboard warrior perfect parents are choosing to blow the whole thing out of proportion.

The fact that you think only "perfect parents" think that withholding food from a child is outrageous says it all....

This is unaccceptably poor parenting. Two wrongs don't make a right,

And the op lied, she said she was sitting eating her own dinner whilst she wrote this, then suddenly they had enjoyed their meal together and the children was drawing.

Use the meal time to discuss behaviour, why it's wrong, to understand why she as rude. Not to sit scoffing yours whilst your own child isn't permitted to eat. How sick is that,

And the op lied, she said she was sitting eating her own dinner whilst she wrote this, then suddenly they had enjoyed their meal together and the children was drawing.

Good point. I think OP typed the fantasy version of what happened next to try and convince people that she was reasonable.

Go for it! My mum did the same. I didn't apologise, spent all night realising I was a little s**t and apologised at breakfast.

one thing I notice from these threads is that a parent comes asking for thoughts and help and gets absolutely ripped apart by the perfect parents who seem incapable of empathy.

It makes me think they're the Stately Home type who just emotionally abuse their children rather than send them to bed with toast and no pudding. I know what I would prefer.

It isn’t a good point at all. Half six, OP says she is eating her dinner. 45 minutes later she reports that her daughter had presumably in the intervening time, come down, apologised, and eaten her dinner too. Bit of stretch to triumphantly exclaim that OP ‘has lied’! Gasp!

It’s wrong to use a meal as a bargaining chip. But pudding isn’t a necessary part of a meal, so it’s fine to withhold that, and people who insist otherwise are pearl-clutchers extraordinaire.

Wow! So people who choose not to starve their children into submission are emotional abusers?? Really kwatah?

one thing I notice from these threads is that a parent comes asking for thoughts and help and gets absolutely ripped apart by the perfect parents who seem incapable of empathy.

Are we reading the same thread? Op didn’t write a thread saying she was looking for advice in handling her DCs behaviour. She simply told everyone what punishment she gave and asked AIBU. People have said yes ops BU or no Ops NBU and given their personal view as to why they feel that way. She has been ripped apart she simply go response to her question.

She has not been ripped apart

I thought that too Kitty. There was enough time for her DD to have come down and apologised.

It’s wrong to use a meal as a bargaining chip. But pudding isn’t a necessary part of a meal, so it’s fine to withhold that, and people who insist otherwise are pearl-clutchers extraordinaire.

I don't think anyone has "clutched pearls" about pudding being withheld. We're talking about not letting a child have an evening meal at all which is what OP was suggesting.

I got sent to bed without my tea a few times as a child, I don’t think it ever really taught me anything (other than self-soothing by crying myself to sleep that is...)

YABU. It’s a completely unjust ‘punishment’ to withhold food.

I thought that too Kitty. There was enough time for her DD to have come down and apologised.

OP said that she was eating her food as she typed. So the scenario that her DD later came down, apologised and then they had a chat before eating together is unlikely.

If she came down 5 minutes after the OP had finished typing? I know I take longer than my DC to eat.

This is not a healthy way to discipline a child, you're making the punishment permanent and by linking it to something that she has to do in order to survive you could create all sorts of problems, and set her up for a very unhealthy relationship with food, or even an eating disorder, not to mention how you have punished her emotionally too.

Think this sounds extreme? Well what you have done is.

Neat story a beginning, a middle the end.

Oh, ffs. She could have left her daughter’s in the top oven. Reheated it. Been a slow eater. Eaten the substantive part and had a bit of bread/ salad once her daughter came down. Not minded eating it cold if it meant she and her girl could talk things out. Some of you loons are simply determined to Jessica Fletcher their way to a bag of bugger-all.

Er - yes - some people have indeed clutched their pearls about pudding, suggesting that there is no discernible difference between not letting her have dinner, and not letting her have pudding. RTFT. I’m not completely on the side of the OP, btw, because I don’t believe withholding food in exchange for a bs apology, proves anything. But some of the usual suspects are going hugely OTT. As is their wont.

I think that one person has said that they wouldn't even withhold pudding. So not "some" people and I don't see how that is "pearl clutching" anyway. Most people haven't mentioned pudding but if they have they have said they wouldn't have a problem with it. i.e. it is not in the same category as refusing a child food at all until they do what you want.

@dungeon. I didn't say it would achieve anything much, or was a particularly great idea, just that it was a far cry from abuse.

Way to lead your daughter into a lifetime of food issues!

YABVU
I would never use food as a punishment, you are unwittingly teaching them that when they have behaved negatively they do not deserve/are unworthy of nutrition. Healthy eating is not a treat it is a requirement of healthy living and healthy minds.
This can stack up heaps of problems for the future

FFS are you trying to give her good issues? Absolutely ridiculous.

With the view you have taken of your daughter's behaviour whatever it was and your reaction both of you must be of the same temperament. Feed your child and ask why she did/said whatever has got you so worked up. Do not then ask for an apology from her. Talk to her explaining why you were upset. YABVU