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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DD her supper until she's apologised?

298 replies

CillaBlackFanOnIce · 19/07/2018 18:24

It's all cooked and ready, I'm eating mine as I type. But she has spent the last half an hour being so stunningly rude and unapologetic I've told her she can't have supper until I get an apology.

I generally go for a more gentle approach my parenting but at times she's so fucking stubborn, absolutely nothing gets through to her. I have no intention of making her go to bed hungry, but I do intend to get an apology and an understanding of how unacceptable her behaviour is.

AIBU?

OP posts:
leanne9312 · 21/07/2018 11:42

Every one is so judgmental about things like this. Just let a parent make there own decision for their child and not having stupid input.
She wasn't starving her !!
I would of done the same thing and she would have been offered supper later. Missing one meal will not hurt anything ffs

pointythings · 21/07/2018 11:49

AWoman everything you said. No-one here is disputing that children need boundaries and firm but fair discipline. However, in a world where eating disorders are rife, especially in females, creating a reward/punishment association with food is just stupid and bad parenting. There are many other measures a parent can take to manage difficult behaviour - why take the risk?

follywalk · 21/07/2018 11:52

”I want when they grow up and get a job and join the adult world. Don't be so bloody obtuse.”

The world according to YOU and you only. Which sounds quite a rude one!

PickAChew · 21/07/2018 11:54

Have you not read all the posts from people who have been damaged by these sorts of punishments, leanne?

Wellbeing is about more than just the physical.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 21/07/2018 11:58

Just let a parent make there own decision for their child and not having stupid input.

Hmm, I wonder how OP could have avoided anyone having input in her parenting decisions? Perhaps if she hadn’t posted on the internet?

Maverick66 · 21/07/2018 12:04

Ybu why use food as a punishment.

She is 8.

Yes, she has been disrespectful but you are the adult and you are turning this into a battle if will.

Take away her iPad or tv rights or whatever she is into but not food.

longestlurkerever · 21/07/2018 12:20

I do agree with the points about withholding food not being a good punishment but I still don't really think that's what this was. It's a bit like if you said to a child "wash your hands and then come and have tea" and they said "no I'm not washing hands" and you said "come on, you can't sit down to tea till you've washed your hands". Or they're still in PJs at lunch time and yousay they have to get dressed before they have lunch. Of course this might turn into some huge power battle but chances are it won't and until it does it's not a cruel punishment to say you need to do x before tea.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 21/07/2018 12:32

The mindset of a parent who punishes with food is not a million miles from one who hits. It's a physical punishment. The parent inflicts hunger to teach a lesson, in this case to force an apology. It drives homes the message that the child is weak and helpless and that the parent dictates what happens to their body.

Our current employment rates do not suggest that young people have any issues settling in the adult world auditqueen. The world of work is evolving, we evolve with it. Sour grapes because you believe young people have it better than you did damage only yourself.

BlahBlahRidiculous · 21/07/2018 12:33

longestlurkerever

Exactly!

WellErrr · 21/07/2018 13:00

Threads like this remind me why I hardly ever visit Mumsnet these days.

What a lot of fucking snowflakes.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 21/07/2018 13:03

I know, shocking isn’t it? Imagine a parenting forum actually caring about the wellbeing of children. Weirdos!

Blackbirdblue30 · 21/07/2018 13:05

Haven't read tft. Agree strongly with the gist. Food is not a punishment. Having it withheld when you are powerless to stop it is horrible and breeds horrible feelings around power and dependence and eating. Is too much to type but long ago I stopped eating as a kind of 'fuck you' and there are similarities.

auditqueen · 21/07/2018 13:27

Sour grapes because you believe young people have it better than you did damage only yourself

WTAF? I had it pretty good thank you.

Dungeondragon15 · 21/07/2018 16:05

Do you actually have children auditqueen? You sound a lot like a colleague of mine who is full of opinions about what is wrong with children today and how people are raising spoiled children despite the fact that she has no children of her own and probably doesn't even know any very well.

auditqueen · 21/07/2018 16:33

I wasn't aware that only by giving birth did you become entitled to pass opinion on something that affects the whole of society?

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 21/07/2018 16:48

Surely it’s adults that are pissing you off audit? Not children. Do you work and commute with chidlren?

Dungeondragon15 · 21/07/2018 18:27

I wasn't aware that only by giving birth did you become entitled to pass opinion on something that affects the whole of society?

You don't have to give birth to pass comment on whether are all entitled brats nowadays or that it is "very disturbing that there are so many children out there who have no idea how to behave or able to fit into the adult world" but you should at least know some well. Do you work with children for example? Why do you feel so knowledgeable regarding how children are being brought up or on the fact that they won't be able to fit into the "adult world"?

auditqueen · 21/07/2018 18:42

Why do you feel the need to question my experience? I'm nit indulging you by justifying myself with why I feel allowed to make a comment about people with whom I share this world and with whom I have to interact. Sorry; but that's just ludicrous.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 21/07/2018 18:47

😂

Mishappening · 21/07/2018 18:52

How hard it is when we back ourselves into a corner over discipline and then regret it - I have been in that situation. I feel for both of you. It is easily done.

I shouldn't fret too much over it, and what is done is done. She will not starve and you too have learned a lesson!!

Just make sure she knows that you love her.

mathanxiety · 21/07/2018 22:19

auditqueen Sat 21-Jul-18 11:42:00
I meant when they grow up and get a job and join the adult world. Don't be so bloody obtuse

But for a while, they can be actual children, right?

Children who are learning, gradually, how to fit adult expectations?

Children whose parents are modeling patience, empathy, reaonableness and generosity to them so that they will eventually fit into the adult world?

Children who are learning that this world is not nasty and brutish?

Zebra31 · 21/07/2018 22:24

Im not playing any game. It was an observation. I actually think that it is very disturbing that there are so many children out there who have no idea how to behave or able to fit into the adult world where people don't pander to their tantrums or gently explain that they have upset someone.

Ahhh so not with holding food as punshiment is pandering to a child? Do you really believe that? Hand on heart do you really believe that not withholding food is pandering to a tantruming child? Honestly I do come across some utter rubbish on MN sometimes.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 22/07/2018 08:55

I tend to take away privileges that come with age if DD escalates, so earlier bedtimes, having more supervision etc. If she really pushes it, she won't be going to camp in a fortnight.

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