To not give DD her supper until she's apologised?

[CillaBlackFanOnIce]

It's all cooked and ready, I'm eating mine as I type. But she has spent the last half an hour being so stunningly rude and unapologetic I've told her she can't have supper until I get an apology.

I generally go for a more gentle approach my parenting but at times she's so fucking stubborn, absolutely nothing gets through to her. I have no intention of making her go to bed hungry, but I do intend to get an apology and an understanding of how unacceptable her behaviour is.

AIBU?

Food is a right, it is not there to be used as punishment. Ever.

Unless it’s related to the making of or eating of the food I really wouldn’t (and I’m strict) .
Do a punishment related to the ‘offence’ or take away electronics or treats.

If I were her, I'd be more bitter and unapologetic if my mum didn't feed me in order to get an apology!
Would you rather she apologised so she could be fed even if she didn't mean it?

It would have to be pretty awful, intentionally spiteful and calculated, and you’ve tried everything else.

She could be playing up because her blood sugar levels are low. I’d feed her I think. Probably unreasonable.

Unreasonable and nuts.

Way to create a terrible association with food!

Give her her dinner and stop attaching conditions to your child eating!

Food shouldn't be used as a punishment. How would you feel if you're husband was annoyed at you and refused to let you eat your dinner until you apologised?

Call her for the food and use that time to soothe & calm the whole thing down. Then in the morning have a conversation with her when all is calm about appropriate behaviours and that the behaviour from today warrants no sweets / no magazine/ no cinema (or similar).

That's awful, feed your child. Imagine if she tells her teacher you refused to give her dinner when she was naughty, they'd report you! You can't honestly think an apology in order to be fed will teach her anything other than cruelty! By all means no pudding, but basic food?!

Hope the OP is getting the message.

It is OK to ask for an apology/appropriately discipline.

It is NOT OK to withhold food as a punishment.

Why don't you say to her "eat your food and we'll talk about this afterwards"?

You won't be able to resolve anything by preventing her from eating, and you are just setting yourself up for much bigger problems.

I can understand that you are frustrated by her behaviour, but you need to be the sensible one here...

You shouldn't punish a child by taking away a basic human right. Take away a sweet treat by all means but not an essential meal.

YABU, give her the food and talk to her about her behaviour afterwards once you have both calmed down.

Yes, please don't punish with food. I was. My sister and I grew up with eating disorders. I'm not saying that was the cause, necessarily - but it really didn't help.

I think it's an inappropriate exercise of your power as a parent. By all means, turn off the TV, the wifi, the pocket money, treats, ground her, etc., but don't remove food. She needs to eat. What are you going to do if she hasn't apologised by morning? Where do you go from here?

So what happens if she refuses to apologise? And keeps refusing? How long will you refuse to let her have food before you cave? And which point you lose the argument. Or she caves out of hunger and learns that she doesn't have to mean it, she just has to pay lip service to your demands.

And that's apart from teaching her that food is a reward for compliance and potentially setting her up with an unhealthy control issue relationship with food

I have often denied a lovely pudding for intolerably rude behaviour but never a main meal, it's counterproductive.

If the bad behaviour was to do with eating her food you’d have a point... but as a general punishment I’m not so sure.

Hm I appreciate the discipline but not the punishment. Next time I'd be more inclined to take away sth she dsnt need to live until she apologised eg pocket money, gaming console etc

Surely she’ll only be apologising because she’s hungry and wants her dinner? Therefore not a genuine apology and pointless.

She is hangry. I would be too, if you withheld my tea. Feed her! I bet her behaviour improves

Natural consequences. Unless her crime was throwing her portion of dinner on the floor, YABVU.

You've shot yourself in the foot here op because you can not seriously follow through on this 'punishment' otherwise it's pretty much abuse.

This is a massive parenting fail on your behalf and you should feel quite ashamed.

Calm down, let her eat her dinner ffs and then after you can have a talk about an appropriate punishment for her rude behaviour.

Adding to the chorus of ‘do not use food as a punishment’

How would you feel if you fucked up at work and were told right no lunch or breaks for you then till this is put right?

Well another vote here for not disciplining or making an issue of food.

I agree with some firm but fair parenting tho.

Let us know how you get on OP.

As others have pointed out she would only be apologising because she is hungry.

Food is a basic right, it should not be withheld as a punishment. If you want to punish her I would take away some thing else like screen time.