To not give DD her supper until she's apologised?

[CillaBlackFanOnIce]

It's all cooked and ready, I'm eating mine as I type. But she has spent the last half an hour being so stunningly rude and unapologetic I've told her she can't have supper until I get an apology.

I generally go for a more gentle approach my parenting but at times she's so fucking stubborn, absolutely nothing gets through to her. I have no intention of making her go to bed hungry, but I do intend to get an apology and an understanding of how unacceptable her behaviour is.

AIBU?

YABU. Don't withhold food as a punishment.

Depends. Will you punish her if she heads into the kitchen and gets something for herself? As sending her dinner full stop isn't on.

DS1 is almost 13 and I've never withheld food as a punishment. I've also never forced him to apologise. Instead I've tried to teach him to say sorry when he truly means it.

As a result he's actually far from a snowflake and is a surprisingly kind, giving young person. But hey, who am I to disillusion you with your cliched judgement of how others raise their children? Unless they're raised in a dictatorship they'll be snowflakes too precious and delicate to function, yes?

Utter shite. A forced apology means fuck all no matter who it comes from.

kateandme

Thank you for your post, of course you're absolutely right. I'm trying to change my thought patterns around food, but it's taking time for me to understand exactly what's been going on in my head all this time.

I felt I had to post in response to some previous posters saying that withholding food never causes issues. It can, and does. My sister has the opposite problem and uses food for comfort because it was withheld if we were 'naughty'.

If she apologises now, it will only be be cause she wants her supper and not because she means it. What lesson does that teach an 8 year old??

Children are not entitled to treat parents with huge disrespect and still sit down to tea without an apology.

That’s sick. Food is a basic human right. You are responsible for providing this to your child. What kind of parent are you? I have 3 children who can be naughty/cheeky all day. I don’t know how many times I might have still called them down to eat even though they’ve not apologised. I’m their parent and “carer”. I have to care for them! Even when they’ve been little shits!

Browncow.... she apologised 2 days ago and had her supper

Food shouldn't be used a punishment or reward, imo. You'll be creating weirdness about food if you aren't careful. Trust me - when they get to teenage years you'll regret using food as a weapon :-/

Haven’t read thread yet but just wanted to say MIL punished (and rewarded) with food. Two of her adult children have eating disorders, at least two of her grandchildren have eating disorders.

I would never punish or reward with food (or air or water!)

And blimey. All the posters saying kids are entitled snowflakes! Really??? This is the generation facing housing shortages, underfunded schools and health and social care. Massive student debt. No access to housing benefit. Zero hours contracts. Experimental social media, of which we don't know the long term effects, yet. For christ sake - this is the austerity generation, not the 'entitled' generation.

People say “snowflakes” because parenting has changed (for some) no beatings, no going to bed without food, reports of sexual misconduct taken seriously (a pinch on the bum or worse was ignored when I was at school). In short, they can’t get away with abuse, so sling names at children instead.

Wow some people are so dramatic!!

It doesn't sound like you do this often and it really isn't the big deal some people are making out.

Side note: whoever said good is a human right, it's not. Otherwise people all over the world wouldn't be starving

“Side note: whoever said good is a human right, it's not. Otherwise people all over the world wouldn't be starving hmm”

What an ignorant statement. 😂

They said it was a RIGHT not that they got that right!

I am shocked by your ignorance!

This site cracks me up everyday, you’re all raising little snowflakes

"Snowflakes": a term used by sociopaths to try to discredit the notion of empathy.
(stolen from J Cleese)

All this does is give the message that you can do whatever you like, and an apology makes everything ok again - so you can do whatever next time!

Punishment is the least effective way of dealing with undesirable behaviour, because it does not model the desired behaviour! Positive reinforcement is supposed to be much more successful in the long run, as desirable behaviour is rewarded!

This thread is so funny. Spot the people raising horrible entitled brats!

If we accept Maslow's theory of motivation, that we are motivated by unsatisfied needs, and that certain lower needs need to be satisfied before higher needs can be addressed. Then failing to meet your daughter's basic physical requirements, in this case food, is not going to lift your poor child far from the bottom of the pyramid. Is withholding air, water or sleep the next escalation in this punishment criteria? If not, then why punish with food?

I've a better game auditqueen, spot the people raising unfulfilled children.

I sincerely hope my children grow up feeling entitled to be fed by their caregivers. Ffs. Even prisoners get fed.

I'm not playing any game. It was an observation. I actually think that it is very disturbing that there are so many children out there who have no idea how to behave or able to fit into the adult world where people don't pander to their tantrums or gently explain that they have upset someone.

I wouldn‘t withhold food from a dog. Why would you do this to a child?

The idiots saying “she won’t starve” are missing the point entirely. Nobody is saying it’s wrong because she will starve. We are saying it’s weong because it creates a conditional association With food. Meaning the child learns that food can be withheld for what the parent perceives to be bad behaviours. (Note: not necessarily actually bad behaviour- perceived bad behaviour) the child creates an association that food is then a reward for good behaviour rather than essential for them. As they grow and have more autonomy over what they eat they start to self reward and punish via food. If they didn’t get all their homework done can they eat dinner? They got A* in 5 of their exams, so they can have 5 doughnuts? It’s a really unhealthy relationship with food And something most parents actively try to avoid rather than establish it themselves.

People talk about all these snowflakes and entitled kids. I never see them. What are you seeing that hasn’t always existed in society?

”so many children out there who have no idea how to behave or able to fit into the adult world”

That’s because they are children 😂

Unfortunately for adults like you they are not born with the knowledge.

I want when they grow up and get a job and join the adult world. Don't be so bloody obtuse.