What MNisms irrationally annoy you?

[wellBeehivedWoman]

I know IABU to complain about something so petty but I don't care. Come and share your trivial mumsnet annoyances! What phrases / abbreviations / MN colloquialisms drive you crazy? I'll start:

1. Any time anyone uses the phrases 'boobing', 'boobed' etc when referring breastfeeding. Not only does this give me a mental image of a clown squirting milk from a comedy flower in their lapel, it also has a kind of juvenile, jolly-hockeysticks false cheer that makes me want to die.

1. Pg as an abbreviation of pregnant. No idea why I hate this. Maybe because it doesn't really resemble the full word? Irrationally despise it.

1. 'Little one' instead of baby or child. Too twee to be allowed. V similar to the phrase 'our little family', usually used when someone has a new baby and wants the equivalent of a papal enclave to keep friends and family at arms length. Absolutely loathesome because I am a grumpy and unreasonable cow

Any others that really wind you up?

Tinkly laugh

Did you mean to be so rude

Sky fairy

Complaining that the OP hasn't answered every single question within 20 minutes (AMA is great for this)

Suggesting s/o goes on a diet when they ask for fashion advice.

Link????

Can you point me towards this

Stirner - and if the man isn't earning he's a cocklodger (which I also hate as a term) but if a woman isn't she is 'contributing to the family other ways'.

See also the insane disparity between the advice SAHM are given in a divorce and the advice given to WOHM who are trying to divorce a SAHD.

Posters saying they are on the app/phone/tablet so they 'can't do links'.

Yes you can, you either just CBA or don't know how to.

Then someone asks 'what's XYZ', when they could just google it if a post mentions an item or term they are unfamiliar with.

Worst one was someone who asked about 3 times what something was, before someone posted a snippy 'FFS is your Google broken' comment.

Mumsnetters never age.

Nope, they don't get wrinkles, even if they are nearly 60, and they all do hill-walking and marathons on a daily basis.

Everyone in their office thinks they are about 25 from the back.

It's the same on every thread about ageing!

in style and beauty some posters declare perfectly reasonable clothes asageing I think some women are terrified to look their age which is sad imo.

Although ironically there is also a competitive 'old before my time' thing. At some point most mners went from drinking heavily and travelling the world to preferring to curl up on their sofa with some knitting and to watch a programme about gardening than going out to the pub. The younger you can claim to have done this the better and you are morally superior to the youth who still enjoy a night out with friends.

"Yes you can, you either just CBA or don't know how to."

Actually, I don't know how to. How do you post a link on here on a phone?

Put the link in square brackets like this but without soaces

[[www.bbc.co.uk ]]
You can also add a word if you want the link to be part of the sentence like [[www.bbc.co.uk this ]]
But again without the spaces

In fact it looks like links are recognised and converted automatically which does make me wonder how so many don't

How do you post a link on here on a phone

With the page you want to link to in a tab, hold your finger on the address bar for a couple of seconds and cut copy paste appears. Make sure all the address is highlighted and select copy.

Go to the bit where you type in your post and hold your finger down until paste appears. Tap paste and the link is posted into your draft post.

Click return to move to the next line and carry on typing if necessary. When you post, the link should be displayed as a clicky link.

Why did you have children with this man?
Fuck off. You wouldn't expect the doctor who treats your broken arm to ask "why did you fall downstairs?" or "why did you put your hand out to break your fall?".

The top secret hobbies.

The threads about "imaginary friend", "deluded", "indoctrinated", "otherwise intelligent people", which all have one subject in common.

'Wait a minute. Are you actually saying [summary of whatever the OP has just said]?'

Yes, they are, otherwise they wouldn't have typed it. Way to make it seem like the person's situation/POV is utterly preposterous. Seems to come up a lot when stepparents post. Quelle surprise!

The over-use of the word "consequences" (I don't think it's been said so far). Especially when the "consequence" is actually a draconian punishment which the child is likely to remember for ever, e.g. having a birthday party cancelled because they stuck their tongue out or something.

The pathological inability of some posters to accept that some people's lifestyles and experiences differ widely from theirs so they write something pathetic like "this didn't happen" or "cool story bro" to ensure the OP knows they're sat there with the big nose-tappy, chinny-reckon face on.

I was buying coffee for DS2's teacher the other day. I actually put "naice coffee" on the list. As opposed to Sainsbury's own brand, which I buy for us.

It pisses me off when mumsnetters try to act really hard:

If a man said that to me I'd kick him square in the nuts - you wouldn't though would you?

If MIL spoke to me like that I'd thrown a hammer at her head - but really, would you?

If I teacher said that about my son I'd set the school on fire - you mean you'd cry?

“The rage” – especially on driving threads. Now whenever my partner and I see someone on the road clearly experiencing the rage, we look at each other and say “mumsnetter”.

Chinny reckon

For some reason 'boobing the baby' always makes me picture the poster geting her breasts out and repeatedly slapping the baby over the head with them. Like elbowing, but with boobs.

"I wouldn't tolerate that, if my oh so perfect DH did/said that relatively innocuous thing to me I'd kick him out" - No you wouldn't.

Goes well with "Tell him to leave, pack his bags, change the locks." - No, you actually have no right to do that. Stop making people believe they can.

@psychomath me too!! Or just ramming them into the poor baby's face.

Have we logged it all with 101 yet?

You know, for that time your neighbours turned the music up and the time the man walking down the street looked at your house and the time someone smiled at your child...

Chinny reckon

what on earth does this one mean?

I have to laugh when posters day that class is no longer an issue in the UK, they NEVER notice class in their own families or other families. But they make sure to insert as many class markers as they can in the post, whether those markers were absorbed during childhood or acquired later in life.