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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I a dramatic diva?

155 replies

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 10:47

I don't want to go into details or really expand on the dynamic of this relationship just if you could let me know if I am a diva or perfectly reasonable that would help

Day free for a bit of fun. Man says you need to get yourself to and from mine today as I always come to yours.

I pointed out he drives and takes him 20 mins late at night or 30-45 mins during the day if traffic busier

For me in this heat the 20 min walk to the bus is more like 30, then either 2 buses or trains and the journey is closer to 2 hrs (possibly less but you need to allow 2) and this would be both ways, so twice that in one day

Am I being a diva to think he could have offered lifts both ways if being a gentleman?

And at the least a lift home if I made all that way on public transport in this heat would be reasonable?

His place would have been more appropriate than mine for the activity we intended.

Am I being a diva??

I did suggest in my response that he could find a hooker and perhaps save money on petrol by one nearer to him who he didn't need to put himself out so much for so that part was probably over dramatic Blush

Is it that weird to think a man might offer you a lift, at the very least a lift home if you're going to have a day of you know what ????

OP posts:
ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 16/07/2018 10:56

If it's a relationship then it's meant to be equal, you should alternate so it's fair, if someone was expecting me to always be the one to travel to them the novelty would wear off pretty fast, I'd think they couldn't love or care about me that much if they wouldn't for a change make the effort to travel to me

Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 10:59

I think your comment to him about finding a prostitute instead was incredibly rude and I wouldn’t be surprised if he is rethinking this relationship!

You expect him to do all the traveling and for you not to make the effort. Yes it’s a pain you have a long journey to see him but presumably you knew that when you started seeing him?

Bambamber · 16/07/2018 11:00

Well it would be nice for him to offer, but I would be a bit fed up if I was always having to pick someone up and drop them off. If we wanted to be treated as equals why would we expect a lift home after a shag?

MrsChollySawcutt · 16/07/2018 11:01

Are there no taxis where you live??

Padparadscha · 16/07/2018 11:02

Not sure about a diva, but you certainly sound childish. ‘Activities we intended’, ‘you know what’, be a grown up and call it sex.

As for your issue, I suggest finding a fuckbuddy closer to home. It’s not up to him to drive you around, and there’s certainly nothing ‘gentleman’ like to do it just for sex. Actually, constantly driving you around just for sex is quite sleazy.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 16/07/2018 11:02

I think it depends on why he is saying that

Your comment was over dramatic and ridiculous but you seem to see that

It's hard to tell whether you just want things your own way or whether he's being lazy

Does he usually pick you up?is he feeling that he wants a break from the driving?

Is it just that he can't be bothered ? Then yes I agree he's being unreasonable

Does he tend to run around after you or does he never make the effort ?

Popc0rn · 16/07/2018 11:03

Never had a friend with benefits, but personally I couldn't be bothered to potentially spend at least an hour and up to 3 hours driving for just a shag tbh.

SassitudeandSparkle · 16/07/2018 11:03

I don't know about dramatic, you are pretty rude OP! Is this a FWB, but you want him to do all the running about for it? You said he always visits your place but you were not willing to make the effort one time?

PuppyMonkey · 16/07/2018 11:04

“His place would have been more appropriate than mine for the activity we intended.” *snurk

He’s maybe just a bit pissed off with all the driving. Not really comparable to picking up prostitutes imho.Confused

FuckPants · 16/07/2018 11:04

Yeah, I imagine he's rethinking the relationship now.

wellBeehivedWoman · 16/07/2018 11:04

Hooker comment v unreasonable but I think you know that!

I think he should be offering lifts - it is clearly much easier for you than for him. My DH would never have dreamed of asking me to do a 2 hour journey if he could have done it in 40 mins. It just wouldn't have occurred to him to do otherwise. So I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect him to do that for you, and if he refuses I would wonder how keen he really is.

You could find a compromise by meeting somewhere that's easier for you to access by public transport - that might help. But I would still wonder how much effort the relationship warranted.

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:04

Okay not what I was expecting at all...

My potential 4 hour round trip journey on public transport Vs his air conditioned car in this heat for a day of sex

He's never picked me up or dropped me off before. Small child means he visits when they sleep.

I always assumed he wanted to visit rather than I was expecting or making him.

OP posts:
wellBeehivedWoman · 16/07/2018 11:04

*easier for him than you, that should say

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 16/07/2018 11:05

Plus your comment about a prostitute sort of implies he is the only one getting any pleasure and you are just there for convenience

If that's the case...dump him

If not then I know my DP would be incredibly hurt by that assertion and don't get me wrong we have an interesting sex life buthes very clear it needs to be with me not just a random

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 16/07/2018 11:07

If he has never picked you up or dropped you off then yes it's not on for him to not make an effort I entirely agree with you

But you do say a day of sex like it's a favour for him...and that's not really how an appropriate relationship works

ReturnofSaturn · 16/07/2018 11:07

Wow i think hes mean. 20-45 min drive is nothing. My husband never blinked an eye at driving that for me.

CocoFlannel9 · 16/07/2018 11:07

A lot of my friends don't drive and many seem to have to attitude of "it'll only take you x minutes." Yes it also only cost me x thousand to learn to drive and get a car!

I have zero tolerance for entitled non drivers nowadays I'm afraid. Sick of ferrying people and then drinking coke while they party it up with the expectation of a lift home.

Racecardriver · 16/07/2018 11:08

Well clearly he thinks of your relationship as just hookups. If this was a proper relationship you wouldn't be unreasonable to expect that but if you are just having sex then you have get to his place yourself.

KittyVonCatsworth · 16/07/2018 11:08

I'm with the majority on this one, especially about a PP stating about equality. I had a BF years ago who had passed his test but wouldn't drive. He lived about 40 minutes away and it became such a drag having to drive up and then back again. He had a 20 minute walk to the train station and then a 20 minute train journey but it started with me doing all the driving and then continued that way. I started getting a bit resentful after a while. The last thing I wanted to do on a Friday night was more driving as I was commuting where traffic was horrendous all week.

If you like this guy then put in the effort x

KittyVonCatsworth · 16/07/2018 11:10

Didn't read between the lines on this one - didn't realise it was a FWB situation ! Fuck that (well, that's been done already) - find someone closer if it's just satisfying a carnal need!

Popc0rn · 16/07/2018 11:11

"My potential 4 hour round trip journey on public transport Vs his air conditioned car in this heat for a day of sex"

...yeah, but if he picks you up, takes you back to his, drives you home and then drives himself home, he has a potential 3 hour drive doesn't he? At least you can pop some headphones in and read or whatever on public transport, 3 hours driving is tiring. Guessing you don't drive so you don't get that.

Either way, sounds like way too much effort just for sex to me, I must be getting past itGrin

onanothertrain · 16/07/2018 11:15

Yes you are. It's just FWB he's not your boyfriend and after your comment id be surprised if was still that. Find a fuck buddy closer to home.

pannikin · 16/07/2018 11:15

Sounds like way too much effort if it's just a FWB type situation, I'd move on and find someone closer.

PorkFlute · 16/07/2018 11:15

Why is his place more appropriate for fucking? Do you not have a bed?

HollowTalk · 16/07/2018 11:19

I think he's being really selfish and I would not want to have sex with someone like that.

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