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Original poster

Am I a dramatic diva?

155 replies

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 10:47

I don't want to go into details or really expand on the dynamic of this relationship just if you could let me know if I am a diva or perfectly reasonable that would help

Day free for a bit of fun. Man says you need to get yourself to and from mine today as I always come to yours.

I pointed out he drives and takes him 20 mins late at night or 30-45 mins during the day if traffic busier

For me in this heat the 20 min walk to the bus is more like 30, then either 2 buses or trains and the journey is closer to 2 hrs (possibly less but you need to allow 2) and this would be both ways, so twice that in one day

Am I being a diva to think he could have offered lifts both ways if being a gentleman?

And at the least a lift home if I made all that way on public transport in this heat would be reasonable?

His place would have been more appropriate than mine for the activity we intended.

Am I being a diva??

I did suggest in my response that he could find a hooker and perhaps save money on petrol by one nearer to him who he didn't need to put himself out so much for so that part was probably over dramatic Blush

Is it that weird to think a man might offer you a lift, at the very least a lift home if you're going to have a day of you know what ????

OP posts:
Hygge · 16/07/2018 13:52

Whatever the relationship is, it doesn't sound like it's worth it to either of you.

You said his journey is 20 minutes late at night but 30-45 minutes in the day.

So this morning that would be an hour to an hour and a half of driving for him to come and get you and take you back to his house, and depending what time you had to leave, anywhere between another 40 minutes to 90 minutes again to bring you home and get back to his house.

There has to be give and take in a proper relationship and if you're both already feeling resentful because he always comes to you or you feel if you go to him he should drive (which defeats most of the point of going to his so he doesn't have to come to yours) then it doesn't really seem to be building on much of a foundation.

TheLionRoars1110 · 16/07/2018 13:52

I think it's ok for you to not want to travel that distance.
Going on about him finding a local prostitute is dramatic and a bit childish. No i'm sorry it's too far for me would have done the trick.
Anyway... looks like you're planning to move on anyway. Good luck finding someone closer

bumblingbovine49 · 16/07/2018 14:01

DH and I had a long distance relationship for the first two years and saw each other at weekends (and rarely in the week). He didn't drive so the journey that took me 1 hr 25 mins in the car, regularly took him 3 hrs by public transport. We alternated weeks, although every now and again I would do an extra weekend if feeling up to it. Mostly though we alternated regardless. Then again we stayed over for 1-2 nights each weekend.

In this case, I would be asking myself if the 'relationship' was worth - 2 hrs there and 2 hrs back on the same day. It sounds like a FWB situation and that distance would be too much for me in that instance so I would just drop it. Then again it depends on how much you like him.

jazzyfizzles · 16/07/2018 14:15

I don't think you're being a diva. You can be equals in other areas of a relationship! And I would not make that journey either when it's much easier for them to do.

It does sound like neither of you can be bothered to make the effort though, I'd maybe think about calling it a day!

Talith · 16/07/2018 14:16

I've been in the position of usually being the one who drives in a relationship, due to it being slightly easier for me to do so than the other person, and them going to more trouble in other areas.

When I've been knackered or fancied a break they've happily come to me though, and it's especially lovely when that happens because it reaffirms that they genuinely care and aren't taking advantage.

If you stay in this relationship, make the journey to his every now and then, just out of principle, to show you care. He's cared enough to do a lot of driving and whilst it might be easier for him, it's not as easy as you coming to his!

SunnyCoco · 16/07/2018 14:27

Surely 20 mins in a taxi or uber would cost less than a bus and two trains?

LemonysSnicket · 16/07/2018 14:40

Yes you are a bit. I get your point that it's a lot of effort for you but him making 4 trips instead of you getting PT isn't really fair.
Get a taxi.

TacoLover · 16/07/2018 16:22

If this guy was really interested in you, OP he would drive the 40min AND MORE to be with you.

If the OP was properly interested wouldn't she go more than 40 minutes to be with him? Why should he have to prove his commitment? Because he's a man?

TacoLover · 16/07/2018 16:23

And say this carries on. Should he be picking you up/coming to you for the rest of the year? Next two years? How on earth would that be fair?

adaline · 16/07/2018 16:28

Sorry @EarlyBird39 I completely disagree. He already does all the driving to see her and she can't be bothered to do one journey to see him?

Why should he be the one making all the effort, spending his time and money when she doesn't do the same?

Men shouldn't have to prove how much they like you by always being the ones to splash out on you. Maybe he feels massively under-appreciated because he does all the driving and pays all the transport costs? I have to admit that would fuck me off - I love my partner but fuel is expensive and I wouldn't be happy driving to see him all the time if he never bothered to do the same back (or make alternate arrangements).

Driving also means you can't drink and it takes a massive chunk of time out of your day. Maybe he wants OP to be the one to sacrifice her free time for him rather than the other way around for a change?

Lifeisabeach09 · 16/07/2018 16:40

Given how time limited you are, I don't feel it would have been an issue for him to collect and drop off (or meet you halfway). That he wasn't inclined to says a lot.
What a turn off!

HeebieJeebies456 · 16/07/2018 16:40

I think my issue is being TOLD I need to do it, not asked

You shouldn't even have to be asked!
You should have the maturity and consideration to take into account the fairness of it all and discussed this....after all it affects his 'free' time, cost of petrol and wear n tear on his car too - which he has to finance for.

you wanted him to make all the effort and shoulder the cost despite this being the early days of a 'relationship'....i'm not surprised he's put some boundaries in place.

if you're not going to pay him anything towards the expense of being your personal taxi service then it means you're acting like an entitled cheeky fucker.

BlancheM · 16/07/2018 17:12

Raise the bar if you equate yourself to a sex worker. That's an odd thing to come out with if this is a conventional relationship.
Neither of you are fussed about the other enough to travel, though so I'd knock it on the head.

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 17:31

It's cool. I've ended it. Thanks for the opinions. It helped

OP posts:
IgamOgamJones · 16/07/2018 17:44

If it was my partner whom I wanted to see and who didn't drive I'd be round in an instant to make his free day one to remember. If this guy cared about you he would be doing the same. In my experience, casual sex only relationships are crap, mostly because the bloke doesn't really give a shit except about having a shag with none of the emotional stuff, whereas for me, that wasn't enough or anywhere near good enough, no matter how good the sex was. A loving equal relationship is a much better thing to have and if you're in one of those, your man will come and get you gladly.

harshbuttrue1980 · 16/07/2018 17:59

You sound self-centred. Its your choice not to learn to drive, so why should he have to suffer for your choice? Taking turns is the fairest thing to do, or else meet halfway.

TacoLover · 16/07/2018 18:06

You ended it because you had to make a one off two hour journey to see the man who had been spending money on petrol for forty minutes driving on many occasions to see you?

Grin sounds like he dodged a bullet.

adaline · 16/07/2018 18:12

Sounds like he got off lightly! He does all the driving and you end it cause he expects you to travel for once?! bloody hell Hmm

BarbarianMum · 16/07/2018 18:28

Good for you OP

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 19:52

Not sure why people think he's driven on so many occasions. It was a matter of weeks. Yes he drove a few times. I'd think that at the beginning him driving over as we couldn't sort out a date and stuff happening is not really putting himself out all that much... 20 mins drive.

He really hasn't exerted himself and got a rough deal. He's had sex when he wanted it and it hasn't worked and become clear it won't and I've ended it?!

OP posts:
Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 19:56

It's not like after months and it being amazing I've refused a 4 hour public transport trip...

It's after a few shags and no actual date materialising or looking likely... I've decided perhaps it isn't worth that.

OP posts:
IgamOgamJones · 16/07/2018 20:59

dramaqueendropout You've dumped the loser and that's a good decision. Now make sure you stick with that decision and a loving equal relationship will find its way to you at some point. For now, be pleased that you've ditched the disrespectful tosser.

Hygge · 16/07/2018 21:09

You said it was a 20 minute drive one way late at night though.

You wanted him to collect you and take you to his house this morning, and you said that's a 30-45 minute trip one way because of the traffic.

So for him to pick you up this morning and take you to his house, he might have a drive of 90 minutes, not just the 45 you are in the car.

Then depending what time you wanted to come home again, he could have another 90 minute round trip.

Or if it was late enough at night, a 40 minute trip.

If both trips were at busy times, that's three hours in the car for him to see you today.

I don't think you're taking his actual travel time and costs into account. You seem to be only looking at the bit of time you would be in the car with him.

Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 21:21

Why is he a loser and a tosser because he asked her to come to him?!

If the arrangement no longer suits the op then that’s entirely her choice rightfully but why is he the bad guy?!

FuckPants · 16/07/2018 21:32

If the arrangement no longer suits the op then that’s entirely her choice rightfully but why is he the bad guy?!

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