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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I a dramatic diva?

155 replies

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 10:47

I don't want to go into details or really expand on the dynamic of this relationship just if you could let me know if I am a diva or perfectly reasonable that would help

Day free for a bit of fun. Man says you need to get yourself to and from mine today as I always come to yours.

I pointed out he drives and takes him 20 mins late at night or 30-45 mins during the day if traffic busier

For me in this heat the 20 min walk to the bus is more like 30, then either 2 buses or trains and the journey is closer to 2 hrs (possibly less but you need to allow 2) and this would be both ways, so twice that in one day

Am I being a diva to think he could have offered lifts both ways if being a gentleman?

And at the least a lift home if I made all that way on public transport in this heat would be reasonable?

His place would have been more appropriate than mine for the activity we intended.

Am I being a diva??

I did suggest in my response that he could find a hooker and perhaps save money on petrol by one nearer to him who he didn't need to put himself out so much for so that part was probably over dramatic Blush

Is it that weird to think a man might offer you a lift, at the very least a lift home if you're going to have a day of you know what ????

OP posts:
Cuttingthegrass · 16/07/2018 13:19

Well OP at least you have discovered you have fallen into a FWB situation inadvertently it seems.

And you recognised this situation didn’t make you happy and you acted on your feelings. Good on you. Don’t settle for second best

OftenHangry · 16/07/2018 13:21

You are being a diva imho. He always makes jutney to yours and maybe he would like to chill and have a glass of wine or two since today is supposed to be in his.
So either you put on your big girl pants and will be a strong independent woman who can deal with some public transport (some people make this jurney every day for work.... ) with a book so you don't get bored or go and find someone else.

EarlyBird39 · 16/07/2018 13:23

I'm honestly shocked by the amount of comments saying you should do the trip no problem, no complains, just go, fair etc. ConfusedConfused

If this guy was really interested in you, OP he would drive the 40min AND MORE to be with you. He's been an idiot asking you to do a 2hrs commute each way to have sex with him as if he is the last man in earth. Imagine what would he demand you to do if the relationship progressed further? Run away, just run. And find a real man, one that will care about you and treat you like he does.

OftenHangry · 16/07/2018 13:25

From the sound of it, he's been doing just that. Driving to see her all the time. Can't a guy have a day of chill for once?

adaline · 16/07/2018 13:27

Why should he do all the driving? It's tiring and petrol costs add up - that's upto 90 minutes of fuel costs each time he comes to see you! Do you ever offer to contribute any petrol money?

He should absolutely expect you to make the effort and travel to him occasionally. Massively unfair of you to expect him to do it all, especially when he's paying all the petrol costs for it too.

adaline · 16/07/2018 13:28

Uh @EarlyBird39 he has been driving to see her all the time! But why on Earth should he be the one to do all the travelling and pay all the fuel costs? Because he has a penis?

OftenHangry · 16/07/2018 13:28

@adaline amen to that

FrancisCrawford · 16/07/2018 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 16/07/2018 13:33

Becuase if he thought sex/op was worth it he wouldn’t care how much driving he did

If op had a car it would be different

If I was really into someone they had difficulty getting to my place I wouldn’t think twice about the travelling because I would just be thinking of spending time with them

TatianaLarina · 16/07/2018 13:33

I think if you want to go in a car you need to learn to drive.

I never understand why non-drivers think they’re owed lifts.

That said, it’s equally fair for you to say you can’t be arsed to travel for 2 hours for a fuck.

The relationship seems to be falling apart of its own accord.

BunsOfAnarchy · 16/07/2018 13:33

Put the shoe on the other foot.

You'd be the first to say 'im ALWAYS driving and making the journey there and back, you'd think he would AT LEAST once make a full journey himself if he really wanted to see me'.

YABVU

supersop60 · 16/07/2018 13:34

Or, split the journey. You get yourself there, he brings you back.

MissVanjie · 16/07/2018 13:34

it's not 'being a diva' to want to be treated decently and dated as opposed to shagged on the regular

some women do like to do this haha I am a high maintenance diva haha look at me thing, like they think it's cute, buuuuut I think, if you treat yourself and your standards like a joke then don't be surprised when other people join in.

BunsOfAnarchy · 16/07/2018 13:34

To add. The fact that it seems a massive mission to you shows how u view this relationship.

Its time to call time.

Find someone closer woman! Grin

Skarossinkplungerridesagain · 16/07/2018 13:35

Having been in a relationship with someone who couldn't drive I think you're being unreasonable. He expected me to make all the effort too. It did last long and I wouldn't be in a relationship with a non driver again.

EarlyBird39 · 16/07/2018 13:38

*Becuase if he thought sex/op was worth it he wouldn’t care how much driving he did

If op had a car it would be different

If I was really into someone they had difficulty getting to my place I wouldn’t think twice about the travelling because I would just be thinking of spending time with them*

@adaline this, just this ^

BarbarianMum · 16/07/2018 13:44

I don't agree. I'd be wary about falling for someone who always expected me to make all the effort. And if the OP wants and is still "waiting for a first date" why hasn't she organised one? Relationships tend to work better when one approaches them from expectation of equality, not passivity.

Merryoldgoat · 16/07/2018 13:45

I’m afraid I’m going against the crowd and I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

I’d drive that no problem for someone I cared about. If I really felt it was too much I’d drive them back to ensure they got back for the school run no problem.

To be honest though, for someone I liked who had no transport and would have to travel nearly 2 hours on public transport in this heat to get to me, I’d be getting in the car.

I’m having trouble understanding the dynamic - you somehow met and started having sex without ever going on a date so it’s not surprising the parameters aren’t set - you’ve missed a load of steps.

He doesn’t like you enough - you need to move on.

Xx

KokoandAllBall · 16/07/2018 13:45

If it's a relationship then it's meant to be equal

Everything must be equal? Then they both should be alternating 20 minute/two hour journeys.

Next time he picks you up dramaqueen inform him he must make a 90 minute detour on the way! It's not equal otherwise.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/07/2018 13:46

Is it that weird to think a man might offer you a lift, at the very least a lift home if you're going to have a day of you know what ????

That was a weird thing to say OP. Did you expect him to scatter rose petals for you too? It this 'you know what' just for his benefit? Because if so, don't do it at all!

Back on topic - does he have the day off too? Did you ask him to pick you up, take you home again? Did you mention the heat? He might not have thought of that with climate control in the car.

If he were attentive, you wouldn't need to ask... the fact that you do isn't great, is it? Find a better boyfriend. The hooker comment was a bit 'off', he probably doesn't realise the heat impact (or maybe doesn't really care?).

Find a better boyfriend, that's my advice - or learn to drive. Sorry.

Merryoldgoat · 16/07/2018 13:46

Sorry about the kisses! ShockConfused
I forgot it wasn’t a text message.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/07/2018 13:47

You can do better :)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/07/2018 13:48

Tart! Wink

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 16/07/2018 13:48

Effort can be made in other ways

Cooking a nice meal ....

I would certainly expect someone to think well they have quite a long journey it’s really hot at the moment traveling is easier for me

And really at the beginning who thinks of these things surely all you want to do is spend time together

4littlebirds · 16/07/2018 13:49

Not sure how long you’ve been seeing him, but maybe he’s just slipped into the more relaxed I don’t need to impress/ try as hard anymore phase.

Also could be a test to see how committed you are, if he feels like he’s doing all the running round.

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