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Original poster

Am I a dramatic diva?

155 replies

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 10:47

I don't want to go into details or really expand on the dynamic of this relationship just if you could let me know if I am a diva or perfectly reasonable that would help

Day free for a bit of fun. Man says you need to get yourself to and from mine today as I always come to yours.

I pointed out he drives and takes him 20 mins late at night or 30-45 mins during the day if traffic busier

For me in this heat the 20 min walk to the bus is more like 30, then either 2 buses or trains and the journey is closer to 2 hrs (possibly less but you need to allow 2) and this would be both ways, so twice that in one day

Am I being a diva to think he could have offered lifts both ways if being a gentleman?

And at the least a lift home if I made all that way on public transport in this heat would be reasonable?

His place would have been more appropriate than mine for the activity we intended.

Am I being a diva??

I did suggest in my response that he could find a hooker and perhaps save money on petrol by one nearer to him who he didn't need to put himself out so much for so that part was probably over dramatic Blush

Is it that weird to think a man might offer you a lift, at the very least a lift home if you're going to have a day of you know what ????

OP posts:
Snowysky20009 · 16/07/2018 11:59

Do you think he may not have had enough money for fuel? 3 hours driving is a fair bit to put in. Hence he asked you to make your way there?

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 16/07/2018 12:00

No first date/going out, but sleeping together? How is that not FWB?!

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 12:01

@Snowysky20009 I think he knew enough about my pretty messed up past that admitting financial difficulties wouldn't really be too much of an embarrassing thing to do and got a far better reaction if it was the case

OP posts:
GahWhatever · 16/07/2018 12:01

The fact that you are both edgy about the cost/inconvenience of travelling does rather suggest that you are both in this purely for a physical relationship and are both counting the cost.
In this context I don't think that your comment about prostitutes was that out of line. Find someone for whom you are prepared to travel/is prepared to travel as necessary.

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 12:01

@ACatsNoHelpWithThat it wasn't meant to be! I've let stuff happen I shouldn't have. Believed stuff I shouldn't have

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 12:03

Why haven’t you had a physical date? I think you do need to decide if you are just going to go with the flow and see where the relationship naturally ends up if you have only been seeing each other for weeks.

youknowwherethecityis · 16/07/2018 12:03

How much can an uber possibly be if it's only a 30-45 minute drive in traffic? It's certainly ridiculously cheap compared to the cost of running a car yet you expect to benefit from everything he is paying out to run his. And on top of that want him to drive to yours and back again, twice in one day. Each round trip is going to be taking him at least an hour, possibly 1.5hrs which isn't that much less than the 2 hours it would take you to get to his.

If it's correct that he always goes to yours, then I don't blame him for wanting you to put a bit of effort in and get to his place once in a while. It seems very one-sided as it is.

Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 12:03

Believed what?

duckfuckduck · 16/07/2018 12:05

By the time he would run you there and back and there and back it would be a lot of driving for him.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 16/07/2018 12:09

Your hooker comment makes more sense now. Treat this as a lucky escape and in future pay attention to what a person does, not what they say.

Snowysky20009 · 16/07/2018 12:10

Some people don't like talking about their financial issues. Maybe he doesn't have any finiancial problems but has just budgeted for the month and throwing an extra £40 of fuel in, is money he doesn't have extra before payday. Sometimes dp will message me and say pop over for a bit tonight, and I'll say nowt can do, no fuel in the car or money in the bank until tomorrow. Not in financial difficulty, just the money I have covers my exact needs🤷🏻‍♀️ So sometimes extras can not be accommodated.
Anyway it may not be that at all! Just giving a possible 'other' scenario!

TheFifthKey · 16/07/2018 12:11

For me, if I was thinking this was going to be a relationship, and we both had the day off, we'd be meeting somewhere easy for both of us to get to for lunch, maybe a drink, a walk in the sun somewhere nice...ok it means no sex, and I'm as keen on that as anyone, but in a fledgling relationship you should be having days out, maybe kissing on a bench somewhere, feeling that longing, delight in each other's company...

I do appreciate how necessity leads to staying in type dates (I'm a lone parent so I've been there!) but also when it doesn't have to be like that I've welcomed the chance to have a more normal day out with someone, go to a gallery, pub lunch, just a nice day. If I was heading to someone's house at 10am for sex, that's FWB and that's why people have gone to that conclusion.

What would happen if you suggested lunch out to him?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/07/2018 12:26

Nah I don't think you're being a diva, really.
That's a long old journey for you to make, in comparison with his driving time, even if he does have to pick you up and take you back to his.

But I think you're right - this relationship has probably reached its natural end.

Mookatron · 16/07/2018 12:26

Honestly, there is no such thing as a 'Diva' or 'high maintenance' person. Treating someone else badly is one thing but expecting high standards for yourself is fine. If you need something and your partner is not prepared to give it to you then that is not the partner for you (conversely if someone demands things you can't provide that's not the partner for you either).

PolkaHots · 16/07/2018 12:30

I think you are using the term ‘diva’ as a stealth boast. As well as being a demanding pain in the arse, a diva is also the leading lady, the star of the show.

So I think there’s part of you that wants us all to be saying, ‘Og god OP, you’re such a diva.’ because it will make you feel special. And he is clearly not making you feel special right now.

chocatoo · 16/07/2018 12:32

Learn to drive or get a cab - you can't expect someone to running round after you all the while! Yes cab would be expensive but so is his fuel and the other costs of buying and running the car.

TacoLover · 16/07/2018 12:35

This gentleman shit is fucking annoying.

youknowwherethecityis · 16/07/2018 12:45

That's a long old journey for you to make, in comparison with his driving time, even if he does have to pick you up and take you back to his.
But it's not though is it? Him driving there and picking her up to take back will take between an hour and 1.5 hours. The OP has said that 2 hours is the max it would take her to get there and it would probably be less than this.

exWifebeginsat40 · 16/07/2018 12:48

it’s a hot tub, isn’t it, OP? you’re going to do it in a hot tub.

well, godspeed!

Matutinal · 16/07/2018 12:53

Oh, OP -- isn't it significant that every single one of us thought from everything you said (and not just that you didn't want to explain the dynamics, but the fact that the communication between you is so unromantic, matter of fact, and entirely about getting to one another's houses to have sex, which seems to be a regular thing) that this was a longterm FWB situation which was beginning to be a bit tiresome to both of you because of the logistics?

You're not a 'diva', you appear to be someone who has low enough self-esteem and expectations to have started having regular sex in a brand-new relationship when you haven't even gone on a first date, and where there doesn't seem to be the slightest spark of excitement or romance? Honestly, OP, this isn't about taking a bus. Do you really want this?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 16/07/2018 12:54

Mmmm I get that it is a FWB but also seems like FWB that isn’t particularly that exciting

Most men I know would happily drive around for hours if they thought the sex was worth it

Move on too much drama and yes you do sound immature

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 16/07/2018 12:55

And I would happily drive if the sex was with worth it in this situation

I wouldn’t bother if it was just ok though

ShatnersWig · 16/07/2018 12:59

@EnthusiasmIsDisturbed Are you suggesting that as the bloke wasn't up for driving, he's got fed up with the OP being shit in bed?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 16/07/2018 13:02

No

Just the sex isn’t worth it for him

That isn’t quite the same thing

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/07/2018 13:17

Return journey AS WELL though - would still be 2 hours for the OP, but only 40 mins for the bloke.

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