Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Am I a dramatic diva?

155 replies

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 10:47

I don't want to go into details or really expand on the dynamic of this relationship just if you could let me know if I am a diva or perfectly reasonable that would help

Day free for a bit of fun. Man says you need to get yourself to and from mine today as I always come to yours.

I pointed out he drives and takes him 20 mins late at night or 30-45 mins during the day if traffic busier

For me in this heat the 20 min walk to the bus is more like 30, then either 2 buses or trains and the journey is closer to 2 hrs (possibly less but you need to allow 2) and this would be both ways, so twice that in one day

Am I being a diva to think he could have offered lifts both ways if being a gentleman?

And at the least a lift home if I made all that way on public transport in this heat would be reasonable?

His place would have been more appropriate than mine for the activity we intended.

Am I being a diva??

I did suggest in my response that he could find a hooker and perhaps save money on petrol by one nearer to him who he didn't need to put himself out so much for so that part was probably over dramatic

Is it that weird to think a man might offer you a lift, at the very least a lift home if you're going to have a day of you know what ????

OP posts:

Original poster

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:20

I think my issue is being TOLD I need to do it, not asked, I had said I'd get halfway if he could pick me up from there... no. Explain I can't really risk public transport as no childcare cover if something goes wrong the other side of the day. No. Obviously there's resentment but I certainly didn't MAKE him come and see me before, I assumed he drove to me as he wanted to...

It is way too much effort. For someone who is showing very little interest tbh.

But just needed to know if I am a diva for expecting him to in the first place and being a bit shocked at his attitude

OP posts:

Sarahjconnor · 16/07/2018 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Matutinal · 16/07/2018 11:24

I think you're confusing a presumably mutually-beneficial FWB arrangements with an old-fashioned/reactionary relationship in which the woman permits sex as a 'reward' for romantic gestures/commitment.

You are presumably in this relationship because you both want the sex equally, and if he always travels to your house, it doesn't seem unreasonable to me for him to expect you to travel this time, even if it's a bit of a trek. If this isn't appealing, it may be that you need to call time on this and find a FWB closer to home.

Original poster

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:24

I don't really want to go into details, valid reasons for his place being suitable compared to mine today. And no it wasn't FWB... seems to have been changed to something resembling that though by the responses so time to be done with him

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 16/07/2018 11:24

Neither of you want to make the effort to see each other. I think that says it all. And your comment about the prostitute presumably means you see your relationship as purely a sexual one if you think you could be replaced by a prostitute - so you aren't feeling valued - when it reaches that point, time to leave.

SassitudeandSparkle · 16/07/2018 11:25

But FWB don't show interest - that's the point. You were not TOLD to do it, that was the offer - if you are interested, make the effort. Not only were you not prepared to make the effort, you were rude by suggesting he get a hooker instead - and yet you still expect him to dash over in his car! You could have just said no!

TheFifthKey · 16/07/2018 11:26

Well, yeah, he wanted to come and see you before but that was because the alternative was not to see you at all (if DC asleep at home which is what I assume is the case) - in this situation there is an alternative so it's your "turn" to visit him - your personal transport details aren't really his problem in a FWB setup, that's kind of the point, that you take or leave it as and when it's convenient.

Original poster

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:26

It wasn't FWB!!!!

At least if it was... nobody told ME!

OP posts:

VocalDuck · 16/07/2018 11:26

I would pick up and drive someone home who had such a long journey, but it would get quite tiring after a while and then I would feel resentful doing it. I think people who don’t drive don’t appreciate how annoying it can be being the person who is used as a taxi service and even being paid petrol money isn’t enough. Likewise, I’d be pretty fed up if I always had to go to somebody else’s house. Potentially 45 mins each way is not a lift I would be offering often and I think I am quite a walkover when it comes to offering lifts.

gandalf456 · 16/07/2018 11:27

Yanbu. It is far easier to drive and Im coming from the point of view of passsing my test late

4littlebirds · 16/07/2018 11:27

I think he could have met you half way, you showing willing and his journey is not as long. It does get a bit tiresome when someone doesn't drive, when the assumption is you are always driving.

But if it's just a shag, surely you could find someone on a more accessible bus route.

Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 11:28

But your posts reads as if it’s a mutual FWB situation? We aren’t psychic!

verystressedmum · 16/07/2018 11:30

If you have a small child where does this child go if you're going to his and spend 4 hours travelling? Isn't the point of him going to yours that you have s small child

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 16/07/2018 11:31

You should at least share travelling responsibilities - split the travel unequally to reflect your longer journey if you want (e.g you travel 1 in 3 times) but it's not fair for him to always come to you. The sex is either a mutually enjoyable thing so you should both make the effort to travel, or the sex is a favour to him in which case why are you doing it? YABU.

Cismyass · 16/07/2018 11:31

Depends how desperate you are for a fuck OP?

BarbarianMum · 16/07/2018 11:31

Only if you think he should be paying for your favours rather than you being in an equal relationship doing things you mutually enjoy. If he always comes to you, you going to him on this occasion is perfectly fair. If you can't be arsed, do something else with your day.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 16/07/2018 11:32

Cross posted with further replies. Is this an affair?

NameChangeUni · 16/07/2018 11:33

Jesus, are you both not employed? Why is this a problem at 10am do you not have work?

Frankly it sounds like he isn’t that into you. He probably doesn’t want to potentially do an 80 minute round trip for a shag, and it seems like neither do you. I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to pick and drop you off as he would essentially be doing the same trip 4 times!

eightfacesofthemoon · 16/07/2018 11:33

What ever this is
It’s not working!!! Move on.

FrogFairy · 16/07/2018 11:34

Personally I couldn’t be arsed having a relationship with some who lived so far away. As a single parent you might have to snatch free moments when you can.

Mind you , that comes from someone long term single celibate...

sonjadog · 16/07/2018 11:34

I think in a relationship it could be expected, but in a FWB situation, it isn´t to be expected. If you are thinking that you are in a relationship with him, then this is a big sign that he isn´t that into you.

NameChangeUni · 16/07/2018 11:34

The thing is, if he was truly into you and sees a future he would probably ‘be a gentleman’ and pick you up. However in reality he probably sees you as a shag, so it’s too much effort for him. It’s up to you to look at your current situation and decide if it’s what you want from him.

Original poster

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:35

@Nicknacky I think that's the problem. Neither was I. I haven't agreed to any FWB set up... but that's what it's reading like to everyone.

No affair both very single.

Child elsewhere. My home not appropriate today. Hence day free but his place.

It's quite clear that this isn't going to work out, just wondered if I was a diva to have such an idea in my head in the first place

OP posts:

LoniceraJaponica · 16/07/2018 11:36

You never answered the taxi question

Original poster

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:36

It's a problem at 10am for ME because I get very little free time in the first place and he's just wasted it hence I am on MN venting lol 😂

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread