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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I a dramatic diva?

155 replies

dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 10:47

I don't want to go into details or really expand on the dynamic of this relationship just if you could let me know if I am a diva or perfectly reasonable that would help

Day free for a bit of fun. Man says you need to get yourself to and from mine today as I always come to yours.

I pointed out he drives and takes him 20 mins late at night or 30-45 mins during the day if traffic busier

For me in this heat the 20 min walk to the bus is more like 30, then either 2 buses or trains and the journey is closer to 2 hrs (possibly less but you need to allow 2) and this would be both ways, so twice that in one day

Am I being a diva to think he could have offered lifts both ways if being a gentleman?

And at the least a lift home if I made all that way on public transport in this heat would be reasonable?

His place would have been more appropriate than mine for the activity we intended.

Am I being a diva??

I did suggest in my response that he could find a hooker and perhaps save money on petrol by one nearer to him who he didn't need to put himself out so much for so that part was probably over dramatic Blush

Is it that weird to think a man might offer you a lift, at the very least a lift home if you're going to have a day of you know what ????

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 16/07/2018 11:36

Move on

KittyHawke80 · 16/07/2018 11:36

Oooof, you sound like hard work. I’m a non-driver, for all sorts of reasons. I accept a certain amount of inconvenience in my day-to-day life, and don’t make it everyone else’s problem. Why should he collect you every time? It’s a bloody booty call, not a cotillion, ffs. I’m surprised you don’t expect him to bring you a corsage.

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:36

A taxi would be an extortionate amount neither of us are clearly willing to spend on each other

OP posts:
Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:37

Haha cool so I am a diva after all.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 11:38

But you are expecting him to travel up to 3 hours today but you aren’t prepared to do a similar journey. Particularly when he drives every other time.

That’s whats unreasonable.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/07/2018 11:40

You're not willing to spend time or money on each other.

Let it go.

rosesandflowers1 · 16/07/2018 11:41

In your situation I'd be slightly annoyed as obviously it would be much more convenient for both of you, to be honest, I'd he picked you up and dropped you!

The hooker comment I'd apologise for.

This all sounds a lot of effort for FWB. If I'm honest it sounds to me that it's verging on relationship territory.

MissVanjie · 16/07/2018 11:42

well he seems not that arsed, never mind move on

for the future tho I recommend either learning to drive or moving closer to public transport links :) I don't drive either but I live 5 mins away from two bus routes and 10 mins away from a third.

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:43

It was meant to be early days becoming a relationship. It's clearly become resembling a FWB and not going to go anywhere.

OP posts:
CaMePlaitPas · 16/07/2018 11:43

Give me strength...

CheersMedea · 16/07/2018 11:45

Would you be periodically willing to travel 2 hrs there and back to see your best friend even if for her it was a 20 - 45 m car journey? Or would you be expecting her to come to see you all the time?

My guess is that on occassion you'd think it was fair enough you travel to see her - because you really want to see her too.

That's the problem here as I see it - you are approaching this from the point of view that he is getting all the benefit ( compare your prostitute comment) and you aren't at all.

If the sex and his company isn't worth travelling 2 hrs for then don't bother, but you are being unreasonable if you expect him to always travel to you. If you see it as an entirely one way transaction (Benefit to him and inconvenience to you)why are you bothering? It is an unfortunate way to view yourself and your own participation in a consensual sexual act.

If it's particularly difficult at the moment because it's hot, there is nothing wrong with making that point to him and asking him nicely if he'd mind because at the moment its so unpleasant - but thats a special request and he's entitled to think that if you are interested in having sex with him, you'd be willing to travel to him from time to time.

If you felt that way about travelling to see your best friend, it would be time to get a new best friend.

Mookatron · 16/07/2018 11:47

I dunno, there's no right answer. But if you need a bloke who's going to ship you to his house and back for sex then this isn't him. Even if he changed his mind at this point somebody resentfully giving you a lift somewhere is the least sexy thing ever.

It is hot though. I'm not sure there is any sex good enough for me to bother driving/getting public transport and back again at this point.

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:47

In all honesty perhaps I am a diva, I was treated very well by the last ex... maybe overly well out of sympathy for what I'd been through prior and very badly prior. My expectations are clearly warped now in terms of modern dating and need to adjust. But this guy isn't for me anyway now regardless.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 11:49

God, stop calling yourself a diva! You are an adult woman

MissionItsPossible · 16/07/2018 11:50

It sounds like you're really desperate to want to be told that you are a diva.

ShatnersWig · 16/07/2018 11:50

Oh come on. Why choose that username to post the question if you thought you weren't a dramatic diva.

Perfectly reasonable if he's always going to yours for you to make some effort and go to his, even if that means a fair bit of public transport if you can't/won't drive.

Have to say when I was online dating, I ticked the box that said yes to "should they own a car?" as while I'm happy to drive, I don't want to be doing all the driving and making all of the effort.

Frankly, your comment to him was out of order, your attitude generally whiffs of high maintenance, and I hope he dumps your dramatic arse before you finish with him.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 16/07/2018 11:51

I don't think you're a diva as such, but if this budding relationship was right for you you'd be okay to travel to his on occasion instead of expecting him to make all the effort of coming to you each time. Likewise if he was super-keen he'd still be happy to do all the travelling. Out of curiosity did you expect him to pay on your first date?

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:51

Not really, just been told I am one by him today and I thought it wasn't fair... some MNers seem to agree

OP posts:
Johnnyfinland · 16/07/2018 11:53

YABVU. Even if this was a full on committed relationship why should he ferry you around all the time? I wouldn’t expect my boyfriend to be my chauffeur, I’d expect us both to travel to each other equally. If I was him I’d be pretty put off you now, diva is correct

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:54

@ACatsNoHelpWithThat yes I would have liked that... but I wouldn't have expected it and was quite happy to do a picnic in the park. I would have liked the first date to have even happened but it hasn't. What has happened is I have allowed it to morph to FWB type understanding without just walking away and dumping him.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 16/07/2018 11:54

How long have you been seeing him?

ShatnersWig · 16/07/2018 11:55

It's a problem at 10am for ME because I get very little free time in the first place and he's just wasted it

This was what smelled to me of high maintenance and an attitude problem. You truly feel he wasted your little free time because he felt it was only fair you made an effort to go to him for the first time. He may WELL have offered to drop you home afterwards once you'd made your own way there, but that chance was never given.

CaMePlaitPas · 16/07/2018 11:56

Please get over yourself and stop calling yourself a diva. You are not a diva - you are someone who doesn't want to take the bus.

Original poster
dramaqueendropout · 16/07/2018 11:56

@Nicknacky weeks. Not long enough for there to be any real issues or resentment. But too long to still be waiting on an actual date to materialise rather than stolen moments for sex

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 16/07/2018 11:57

Hold on. You haven't yet had a first date yet you're sleeping together and taking the day off for shagging?! Ummm...

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