To think hitting a child is never ok?

[Blueisland]

My husband hit my three year old daughter in the arm today. Not that hard, no bruise but a temporary res mark. She had spat on his leg and he reacted angrily by hitying het and telling her off.

What followed was an argument between us because he thinks it was all fine, and said he’d do it again if he thought it appropriate. He classed this as spanking. He has never done this before and otherwise we’re usually on the same page with discipline.

IMO hitting is different to spanking and a child should never be hit in anger, even light hitting.

He reacted pretty horribly towards me when I told him how I feel, called me disgusting and started comparing me to my father (who can’t take personal criticism). After around 30 minutes he apologised for overreacting (but not for the hitting). I’m keeping quiet now and processing this. To put ghis in context, he is a loving doting father and most of the time he is a wonderful husband.

Mumsnetters AIBU to think hitting in anger is wrong, or is this normal in some families?

IMHO not enough kids are smacked, the amount of screaming brats I see and the parents just shrug their shoulders and let them carry on, discipline your fucking children FFS.

I can kind of see that too. I saw a thread here once when a poster asks about “punishing” her three year old for misbehaviour. Low level not doing as she was told or something. I can’t remember.

Poster got her arse handed to her by a lot of posters for “wanting to discipline a three year old” because apparently they are too young to be punished.

I don’t agree with hitting but I don’t for a single second think a three year old is too young to understand punishment or consequences.

@FuckPants if a child is screaming, why do you think hitting them will help matters?

I think we have become too child centric as a society at times and maybe smacking isn't the answer either but why is there a perceived lack of discipline?

The thing is people are assuming if a child is badly behaved then it's because the parents don't smack them but realistically speaking, in every day life how do they know which parents are smackers and which aren't anyway?

I think it is entirely up to an individual on how they discipline their children....to a point! I do not agree with abuse as in, extreme beating or if you're in a bad mood and snap and its taken out on the child verbally or physically however when a child crosses the line and needs to be taught a valid lesson then yes i think 'spanking' is acceptable. But for me that would be the most extreme method of discpline, i seriously think if i had more than 2 episodes of spanking I'd seek help with my child's behaviour because they should have learnt from the 1st/2nd time. No parent is given a 'how to' guide, we get things wrong but i was spanked as a child and never did me any harm. I do think talking to the child and making them understand their mistakes is the first port of call though.

A child is crying, parent hits the child and tells or even shouts at them to stop crying

So depressing to see. Actually makes me feel strongly about the tables being turned. Poor child

All these the world has gone to the dogs so I’ll hit my child posts are ridiculous and depressing

Parenting classes could be useful

there are loads of ways to ‘discipline’ without hitting.

Starting to act up in a cafe or somewhere the noise needs to be kept down? We get one warning, then we leave. Won’t hold hands by a dangerous road? In the buggy. Tantrums in public? We leave where we are. I hate seeing kids running around cafes and parents doing the ‘oh they’re just expressing themselves ‘ stuff. It’s disruptive and dangerous.

Lots of it is just endless, boring, repetition of ‘we don’t do that, if you do that, we stop doing this.’ And it take HUNDREDs of reps over years to train the little buggers. But it’s doable, without having your kids run amok in public or be brats. Or hitting them.

We generally use immediate consequences (if you whack Timmy with the train, you can’t play with him or the train) on little ones - punishment after the fact is a bit pointless so young because they dont connect the events.

It’s possible to bring up well behaved kids without hitting them. We lived for years somewhere where it was illegal and everyone seems to manage just fine there.

Why do people hit children? To teach them, presumably?

As you cannot reason with a child?

So why is it not acceptable to hit other people who are less able to understand a reasoned argument? Adults with severe mental illness or learning disabilities?

Why do children get this special treatment?

Your DH assaulted your child. I'd leave mine if he laid a finger on my DS to discipline him.

I'm a teacher. Is it OK to hit my pupils if they misbehave?

No, I remember being hit by a teacher when I was 5 for making a mistake with my work back in the 70s. Old teacher - great

Exactly, parents would be horrified. Not sure why it's OK for them to do it though.

Hitting a child (slap/smack) is a loss of control and weakness in being unable to manage the situation.