To think hitting a child is never ok?

[Blueisland]

My husband hit my three year old daughter in the arm today. Not that hard, no bruise but a temporary res mark. She had spat on his leg and he reacted angrily by hitying het and telling her off.

What followed was an argument between us because he thinks it was all fine, and said he’d do it again if he thought it appropriate. He classed this as spanking. He has never done this before and otherwise we’re usually on the same page with discipline.

IMO hitting is different to spanking and a child should never be hit in anger, even light hitting.

He reacted pretty horribly towards me when I told him how I feel, called me disgusting and started comparing me to my father (who can’t take personal criticism). After around 30 minutes he apologised for overreacting (but not for the hitting). I’m keeping quiet now and processing this. To put ghis in context, he is a loving doting father and most of the time he is a wonderful husband.

Mumsnetters AIBU to think hitting in anger is wrong, or is this normal in some families?

Jesus fucking wept

Urgh, I’ve seen this phrase sprouted around Mumsnet. Can’t you not think of a better expression ? It makes me shiver and it doesn’t even make sense .

Who said I hit my child?

Ah so you're just a supporter of it then? Cool

I definitely do yes. Keyboard warrior.

Thanks @JacquesHammer

That vile insult aimed at me by @yoyotheclown says a lot more about them than me.

And it is a sign someone is losing the argument, when they issue spiteful and vile insults.

Pathetic really.

That does happen on here quite a bit.... Someone comes out with their own strong VALID views, and they get insulted and berated by someone who has no valid argument and nothing sensible to say.

Pathetic.

@YoYotheclown

I definitely do yes. Keyboard warrior.

Pot kettle fucking black.

There is no justification for hitting a child. My two are 19 & 16 and have never been smacked by an adult. I just don't see how "it's wrong to hit so I'll hit you to punish you" works.

However, it's not illegal to smack your child, although if you leave a mark it becomes a safeguarding issue, and I know parents who still smack.

The only time it's ok is if it prevents a dangerous situation i.e hitting a hand away to stop fork going in plug socket or hand touching something hot

Really it's not. If your child is sticking a fork into a plug socket or touching the cooker and you are near enough to hit them then you are near enough to prevent them doing it in the first place.

Good god a three year old spitting is normal, it isn't even malicious, of course you tell them it's not allowed but you don't lash out. My DS was spat on by another child at playgroup more than once, I never considered it a huge deal. It was wiped up and the other child was told it wasn't OK.

“Little tap” 😂

A little tap is what you do with your fingers on the arm of your chair when you’re bored.

What you’re talking about is striking a child.

No it’s not ok to hit a child

Using words like spanking and tapping don’t change that

It’s usually the children that are hit that are worst behaved anyway - to pp and comment on schools

Do you know I went through school without ever getting in a fight. I never got lines or detention or anything.

I was completely boring!!!!

And I got smacked. Not often, Never hurt and was never terrified of my parents.

Obviously there are people who were smacked who turned out OK. There are drink drivers who never hurt anyone and smokers who lived until 95, it doesn't make any of that a good idea. Hitting children statistically doesn't improve their behaviour and actually makes them more likely to act violently.

Round here if you don’t give you child a smack for spitting their would be looks

What an utterly ridiculous thing to say. Oh no someone I don't know might give me a 'look' better get on with assaulting my child. This attitude is shameful and revolting.

It is unacceptable to hit children. Regardless of whether you call it spanking, hitting, or the disgustingly euphemustic 'tapping'. If you think its OK to physically assault a child you are a disgrace to parenthood.

We have never smacked ours but it is one style of parenting that people do, and I can't judge as different things work for different people and children are all different too.

The only thing I can think of that would get the term "disgusting" in this situation is if you turned on him and unexpectedly said you thought it was abusive, which I can understand on your part.

Parenting is two different people with the same goal in mind forming a united front, the answer here has to be dialog until you reach a reasoned position you can agree or compromise on.

In my opinion, it teaches them not to attack someone/something bigger and stronger than themselves because they may get hurt. "If you cannot defend yourself, don't attack" is a valuable life lesson which may save them from much worse harm in the future.

That's one of the most fucked up reasonings I've heard on this topic yet

I was smacked as a child. I have chosen not to smack mine. I had a happy childhood overall but now that I have my own I feel angry about some of the stuff that happened.

A few of my friends to smack their kids. I’ve seen them tap (and they genuinely are taps) them across the bottom or back of the legs. I hate to see even that. It makes me cringe inside

Having said that, my three year old DD is generally pretty well behaved and I don’t think smacking her has ever really crossed my mind. I love her and I want only to protect her. Why would I hit her? A wee boy hit her in the soft play yesterday and she was devastated.

I don't smack, but remember getting a smacked bottom at the age of OP's child when I decided to literally try and play with the traffic.

That was definitely the right decision at the time in my opinion, I never thought of doing that again!

A light smack is fine. I see so many badly behaved brats when I'm out and about, and there is no punishment, no parenting. We are raising a generation of spoiled brat snowflakes, it's doing my head in. Your daughter spat at her Dad. Let that go unchallenged if you wish, but fuck me, good luck when she's 13.

I don't think it is a big deal. Why would you leave your dh for that?

Have to agree Husky.

A light smack is fine. I see so many badly behaved brats when I'm out and about, and there is no punishment, no parenting. We are raising a generation of spoiled brat snowflakes, it's doing my head in. Your daughter spat at her Dad. Let that go unchallenged if you wish, but fuck me, good luck when she's 13.

I don't know why "pro smackers" seem to equate not smacking with not disciplining.

A light smack is fine. I see so many badly behaved brats when I'm out and about, and there is no punishment

Really? Where do you live? I rarely see badly behaved children, I see far more terrible behaviour from adults. Can we smack them too? Just a light smack?

Your daughter spat at her Dad. Let that go unchallenged if you wish, but fuck me, good luck when she's 13.

So in your head there is nothing in between unchallenged and hitting your child? Really? Are you so utterly lacking in imagination in all aspects of your life or just when you’ve a chance to hit children?

Let that go unchallenged if you wish

Who said anything about letting it go unchallenged?

It is a pretty appalling standard of parenting if the two options are "smack your child" or "no discipline at all".

Husky I think you’d have a point if the girl was 8 or 10 or whatever. But she’s three years old. She doesn’t get it yet.

I think we have become too child centric as a society at times and maybe smacking isn't the answer either but why is there a perceived lack of discipline?