To think hitting a child is never ok?

[Blueisland]

My husband hit my three year old daughter in the arm today. Not that hard, no bruise but a temporary res mark. She had spat on his leg and he reacted angrily by hitying het and telling her off.

What followed was an argument between us because he thinks it was all fine, and said he’d do it again if he thought it appropriate. He classed this as spanking. He has never done this before and otherwise we’re usually on the same page with discipline.

IMO hitting is different to spanking and a child should never be hit in anger, even light hitting.

He reacted pretty horribly towards me when I told him how I feel, called me disgusting and started comparing me to my father (who can’t take personal criticism). After around 30 minutes he apologised for overreacting (but not for the hitting). I’m keeping quiet now and processing this. To put ghis in context, he is a loving doting father and most of the time he is a wonderful husband.

Mumsnetters AIBU to think hitting in anger is wrong, or is this normal in some families?

Genuinely just a question. I was born in 86 so friends all same age. All of us wrote to and got amswwe. I’m comfused. So they tell you to be unsheady erc!

Well, none of that makes any sense. Thanks to ds! I may try again later 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Yes the law currently allows the assault of chidlren. Just like it used to allow the rapenof your wife. Both are disgusting.

Thank you for your posts so far.

@ imchanging I didn’t mean that spitting is silly. I was responding to a pp about her mood, which was a silky mood rather than angry.

Hitting a child threatens the bond between the child and parent. The bond is precious because it is the foundation for their mental health. There are plenty of non violent ways to effectively discipline.

@thepricklysheep

I think it was both. He lost lost his temper but also thinks it is ok. He was very clear with me that this is absolutely fine. That is what prompted my AIBU.

*silly mood, not silky mood!

He's a dick head. Children aged 3 do these things. Not out of spite, it's experimental and developmental. Poor little girl. Please stand up for her against this a**hole who thinks he's the big man.

I personally don’t have a problem with spanking. That’s how we disciplined our kids. I know it’s not generally a MN approach. But it’s what we did. We have a great relationship with our kids and are a very close family

It's anecdotal of course but all the children I know who are smacked, hit others, including their parents and siblings. It's almost comical, when you hear the parents tell them off for hitting, and punish them by hitting. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad really.

There is no excuse in my eyes for hitting a child. I wouldn't hit an adult so why on earth would I hit a person so much smaller than me and who is reliant on me for survival. It makes no sense.

Violence isn’t discipline. It’s lazy. It’s people who can’t be arsed actually parenting.

He tapped her arm. It’s not the end of the world.
I got smacked as a child and it’s never done me any harm.
I have tapped my children on occasion and so has DH. Never sore for them at all.
You do however sit down and have a serious discussion about how you raise your child.
It can’t be all what you want. You need to parent together and send the same messages.

Metoodear

Do you think its acceptable for adults to hit eachother when one does something wrong or that annoys the other? Why are children any different? If anything they are more vunerable and unable to fight back.

At 3, she doesn't know that spitting is 'filthy' or a worse form of behaviour. She was impulsively demonstrating her emotions.
Sure, spitting is grim but she has no idea of our adult concept of this.

So yes he was BU (but I'd also argue that for any form of hitting)

I got smacked as a child and it’s never done me any harm.
I have tapped my children on occasion

No, no harm at all, except that you are now a grown adult who just children. ( a “tap”? You’re fooling no-one)

Just=hits

Spanking/smacking/hitting are all the same. Just some of them sound less harsh.

What your child learns from that is ‘I’m bigger and stronger than you so it’s ok for me to hit you’. Which probably won’t have much of a consequence for your husband with a daughter but I have a son. Once he becomes a teen he’s very likely to be much bigger and much stronger than I am.

Also it teaches children that it’s ok to react violently because you can’t control yourself. Again, not something I want my kids to learn.

And he called you disgusting when you challenged his arsehole behaviour? Your husband clearly has as little respect for you as he does for your daughter.

I think your DP was right.
Nip it in the bud quickly. She most likely won't do it again if she knows that she'll get retaliation!

You have my first LTB

helacells what is ltb?

i think slapping the arm of a kid that has actually just spat at you, is not the best way of dealing with it, but i dont think its a dumpable offence

Yanbu hitting is never ok imo and is illegal here in Ireland thankfully

So many halo’s, it’s no wonder our schools are full of such entitled little reprobates nowadays. A tap to the arm that doesn’t leave a mark is less than most kids will inevitably receive in traditional rough play with dad or siblings.... but let me guesse, rough play is evil too ? 🤔😄

Yeah not hitting a little kid is halo worthy, if that makes you feel better

I smacked my kids and I agree that it is never ok.