To think hitting a child is never ok?

[Blueisland]

My husband hit my three year old daughter in the arm today. Not that hard, no bruise but a temporary res mark. She had spat on his leg and he reacted angrily by hitying het and telling her off.

What followed was an argument between us because he thinks it was all fine, and said he’d do it again if he thought it appropriate. He classed this as spanking. He has never done this before and otherwise we’re usually on the same page with discipline.

IMO hitting is different to spanking and a child should never be hit in anger, even light hitting.

He reacted pretty horribly towards me when I told him how I feel, called me disgusting and started comparing me to my father (who can’t take personal criticism). After around 30 minutes he apologised for overreacting (but not for the hitting). I’m keeping quiet now and processing this. To put ghis in context, he is a loving doting father and most of the time he is a wonderful husband.

Mumsnetters AIBU to think hitting in anger is wrong, or is this normal in some families?

“Spanking” is nothing more than a euphemism to make lazy parents feel better about assaulting their children.

Absolutely appalling and yes, if my then H had hit our child it would be a deal breaker.

Of COURSE it's never OK to hit a child.

Would you hit an adult who did something 'naughty?' Of course you wouldn't, because that would be physical abuse and you would get (quite rightly) prosecuted for it.

So why anyone thinks it's OK to hit a tiny person who doesn't yet know right from wrong, and is still learning basic skills like talking, walking, eating, going to the loo themselves, and listening and hearing and reading and writing etc, (and who is probably a third of your size,) just eludes me.

It also terrifies me that someone who thinks it's OK to whack their own small child has been able to procreate.

But you will always get the 'I used to gerra good belting and it never 'armed me' brigade on every thread like this.

It is never EVER ok to hit a child. No! Not even a little 'tap...'

Anyone who has to resort to hitting their own child to make them 'behave,' is failing as a parent.

Oh FWIW I would never hit a child. That's wrong

Yes you would.

I personally will be spanking my children when they deliberately do something naughty until they are at an age where they can hold a discussion 're right and wrong and understand the difference properly

You’re trying some fine mental gymnastics to try and justify why it’s ok to hit a child.

I would remove the child from the cat or the cat from the child, ffs! If you sit there and tell a 2 year old that something is not kind and we don't do it you can't be surprised when they do it again, they are two.

It sets them up to fail if you do not immediately prevent the action from reoccurring. That is way more effective than allowing them to do it and then punishing them for it.

Smacking somebody else's child is even worse than smacking your own, and I wouldn't hit my own, except possibly as a reflex, I think I might have done this once when I was surprised by something.

Whacking a child is completely different to giving them a little tap ffs.

My child will never be whacked just like I was never whacked as a child.

parker231 there are people who rape their children, beat them to a pulp, break their bones and give them drugs. A small hit, slap, spank, whatever you want to call it, does NOT make - person ‘the worst type of parent.’ For your head a shake.

It’s not ideal and I agree he could’ve handled it better but, like the rest of us, he’s only human.

There are so many sanctimonious, perfect parents on MN. We all balls it up at times, I doubt OP’s DD will even remember it when she grows up.

For those who think it’s ok to hit their children , would you also be ok with someone else hitting them ? Say your child spat at another child (something I think we all agree is not on), would you be ok with the parent of the other child hitting yours ? What about if they spat at a teacher ? Or a nurse? Or police officer ? Are these adults allowed to hit your child ? Or is it just you, the parent ?

FWIW the day my son is terrified of me hitting him is the day I know I’ve failed as a parent. I consider a Part of my job as a parent is to protect my child from violence, not be the instigater 😒

You wouldn't give someone a 'little tap' in the pub ffs.

It’s never ok to hit a child. It is hitting - ‘spanking’ is just a word used so people can avoid reality.

Little ones can be hard work. Nobody expects parents to be zen calm pictures of perfection all the time. There will be times you want to scream. But hitting is never, ever ok.

If my dp did this and was of the mindset it was ok, I’m afraid that would be a dealbreaker for me.

When people talk in absolutes they are usually wrong.

Those who say "never" - would you follow NHS advice and hit a child on its back if it were choking? Of course you would.
You would also strike an adult in similar circumstances.

So much for "never acceptable."

The world is not black and white. It exists in shades of grey.

Those who say "never" - would you follow NHS advice and hit a child on its back if it were choking? Of course you would.
You would also strike an adult in similar circumstances

Oh come on, don't be deliberately disingenuous.

Are you really suggesting the above situations are comparable to hitting a child supposedly for discipline? I would think only the hard of thinking wouldn't be able to distinguish

Seriously Disquieted1?

So is this thread purely about disciplining a child and not preventing harm?

Lol - but I would also never drag a child around by its leg, not as a form of transport, not as a disciplinary technique. That would be really awful and a horrible thing to do. However - if my child fell into a river and that was the part I could reach? Of course you would pull them up by their leg. You wouldn't think twice about it.

I would also never stick needles into them from my sewing kit in order to teach them a lesson. Yet I'd consent in a second for them to have a life saving injection or blood test.

What a ludicrous comparison to make!

So is this thread purely about disciplining a child and not preventing harm?

Did you actually read the OP; where the incident in question was the OP's partner hitting a child in some misguided attempt at discipline.

Just for those that aren't able to apply critical thinking to a situation; when people say "hitting a child is never acceptable" they're not referring to the miniscule likelihood of needing to hit a child on a back to prevent choking". Does that make it clearer?

@Disquieted1

Those who say "never" - would you follow NHS advice and hit a child on its back if it were choking? Of course you would.

What a load of utter utter drivel!!!! Jesus, talk about clutching at straws!

And don't even get me STARTED on the poster who said, 'I bet you all think ^spanking in he bedroom' is ok.'

Jesus fucking wept!

MN. seriously in a world of their own.

As a parent a smack or a spank should be the very last resort( or avoided all together) but we as humans can be pushed to our limits especially with our kids.
Op. Surly you know what is appropriate and what isn’t. You know your dh and how this was meant. If he’s beating your kid or making a habit of hitting. Then it’s obviously a huge cause for alarm. But one tap on the arm isn’t going to damage your dc.
That’s My view anyway.

@Disquieted1

Those who say "never" - would you follow NHS advice and hit a child on its back if it were choking? Of course you would.

What a load of utter utter drivel!!!! Jesus, talk about clutching at straws!

And don't even get me STARTED on the poster who said, 'I bet you all think spanking in the bedroom' is ok.'

Jesus fucking wept!

Uh oh here comes another one of the 'a tap on the arm is not going to hurt' brigade. (yoyotheclown...)

You are physically assaulting your child.

End of

Stop trying to sugar coat it, with 'it's only a tap.'

Is it bollocks!!!

Thanks, I get it now. It's OK if you believe it's in the child's best interests.

Thanks, I get it now. It's OK if you believe it's in the child's best interests

Nothing more designed to make a poster sound utterly dim than faux naivety.

You sound unstable

Well you hit your child. People in glass houses and all.

Well you hit your child. People in glass houses and all

Who said I hit my child ?

I don't agree with smacking, tapping, hitting, etc. a child. The rule in our house is "we don't hit". It applies to everyone.