AIBU to ask PIL not to visit me hours after giving birth?

[Sunnydays19]

I'm due to give birth soon to dc2 and have decided this time around I will probably only want to see my mother and my partner after the birth. I had visitors straight away after 1st child and looking back it was all too much. Am I being unreasonable to ask PIL to wait until I am ready (or home until they visit) despite the fact I will want to see my mum (especially as she will be looking after DD). I know MIL will be very annoyed but should it be my feelings I should take into account not hers??

Gorgon those examples are really quite terrible. How you still put up with them is miracle.

Ary - I can't get my head around what your MIL was thinking. How bloody awful for you. Yes she might mean well etc but if someone is in the middle of giving birth the least you should do is check that it's actually ok to enter the room. You sound really lovely and very forgiving!

Thanks GreatDuck it's nice to hear that.

I wish to god I had discovered Mumsnet at the time as I had never heard of that kind of behaviour and I was completely floored by it (as well as by having a baby!)

she got better over the years, but it's been pretty awful seeing them ever since, and has caused no end of conflict between me and DH.

The difference with my own mum was that when I was telling her about mil's outburst re post natal depression etc, she said

"That was 35 years ago. It's you I'm concerned about"

And that dynamic - that for mil it was all about HER, her issues, her ego, her wants - for my mum, MY welfare, not her own, was her primary concern.

That's why some women want their own mothers and not their mothers in law.

These things often end up being a hatefest about genuinely difficult inlaws.

I only have a father in law but he's a kind man and saw our baby on the first day she was born.

I am sorry to say that my own parents - although they were adoring grandparents - were not kind. My father has the kind of possessive wish to takeover and pretend the baby was 'his' that some mother-in-laws are accused of having. When my daughter was a few months old I laid her down during the afternoon on my mother's bed to sleep and turned the light off. When I came in a little while later to check on my baby daughter, I found that my father was lying next to her. On another visit I asked my mother to keep an eye on my daughter while I washed my hair. When I came out of the bathroom my daughter couldn't be found. So I immediately asked my mother, 'Where is she?' 'Oh,' she said, 'Your father's taken her out for a walk.'...

The only point I want to make is that some inlaws may be kind, supportive and understanding. Some parents are a nightmare. So it's not automatically a case of wanting your own parents and now wanting your partner's parents. In some cases it's your own mother and father who are the big problem.

Obviously there are some really difficult in-laws but surely they can be managed? The first person I wanted after having my babies was my mum, thank God she was still with us then, but I accepted that MIL was very excited too and I wouldn't have dreamt of banning her. I will acknowledge that she didn't come until day 2, with mum coming up the day before.

When I had my 3rd, on the first night I had dh, mum, aunt, cousin, sisters x 2, our two DDs. I had a catheter post-CS and couldn't get out of bed, but I was on a high and wanted everyone to see my baby! Standing joke in our house is that DD2 tried to 'kill' him the first night as she was sharing her bacon rashers with him!! My sister had to rush to retrieve them lol!

In my experience, it was far easier to have visitors in hospital than it was to have them at home. I don't know why anyone thinks the mum has to "entertain" them?! It's not like that!

So op, how did it all go? Can I say congratulations?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/m.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/new-mum-wants-intrusive-and-inappropriate-bounty-reps-banned-from-postnatal-wards_uk_5b7bbaa5e4b018b93e971a4b/

Do you think someone read the thread 😂