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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's ok to sell your virginity?

202 replies

Ducksinarow1 · 14/07/2018 00:38

I've seen a couple of things recently about young women, usually 18-22ish selling their virginity for over £1m, sometimes even more. There was one on This Morning a while ago, saying she wanted to save for uni, start a business and help her parents buy their home. Everyone is always horrified by the idea, but AIBU to think it's worth it for an amount of money so massively life changing?

I lost my virginity to a boy who I was in a 'relationship' with and we liked each other, but it was awkward and painful and far from the ecstasy I'd imagined, and we broke up 2 months later. Most other people I have spoken to about their first time it didn't have that 'wow' moment either - mainly we just wanted to get it over with.

If you could fetch £1m, why wouldn't you?

OP posts:
cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:07

look. banning it isnt going to stop beating or murders. making it a safer environment will have an effect and lower the risks.

that's my point.

this isn't about men and woman, it's about humans who sell their body, it's about being realistic and helping lower risks to them.

I wouldn't want my child to become a sex worker, but if they chose to do that I would want them to be as safe as possable.

Typhers · 14/07/2018 14:07

www.toynbeehall.org.uk/data/files/Statistics_on_prostitution.pdf

A little old but I can’t find more recent, approximately 60% of those surveyed would be ashamed of a family member who had been involved in prostitution. So you may carry on with your ‘choice’ argument if you like but the fact is your thinking is in the minority.

Justtheonequestion · 14/07/2018 14:08

And you decision of decent is based on....? Hmm because your attitudes certainly aint

cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:10

mayne that's the problem, people veiw sex workers as non humans, who don't have feelings or rights.

Typhers · 14/07/2018 14:11

Justtheonequestion the majority agree, evidence supplied where as your opinion is just that.... opinion.

Rebooting · 14/07/2018 14:12

this isn't about men and woman, it's about humans who sell their body, it's about being realistic and helping lower risks to them

It is absolutely about men and women.

Justtheonequestion · 14/07/2018 14:14

What evidence? mn isnt representative of the general population. Do you really think women are not exploited in relationships?

cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:15

but it's not though, you seem only concerned about female sex workers. male sex workers also get beat up, raped and murdered.

the majority of punters are male but woman also pay for sex. but is that ok? as long as it's not a male doing so?

Rebooting · 14/07/2018 14:17

but it's not though, you seem only concerned about female sex workers. male sex workers also get beat up, raped and murdered

By men.

So yes, it is about men and women. And I make no apology for centring women in my feminism. Absolutely not one shred of apology.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/07/2018 14:19

No one is saying it’s ok for women to buy sex

cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:20

so it's ok for a woman to buy sex but not a man because some other men have attacked.

Rebooting · 14/07/2018 14:21

I don’t think it’s ok for anyone to buy sex. I’m just not allowing whataboutery to divert attention from the massive problems of men buying sex and male violence.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/07/2018 14:22

Again as you seem to have difficulty in understanding

No one (who disagrees with the op) here has said it’s ok for women to buy sex

cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:25

so what's your solution to help keep them safe?

sex workers are less likely to report attacks in fear if getting to trouble them self's, being judged or not believed?

banning it hasn't helped this at all, it's just allowed the attackers to get away with it.

sex work is hidden away, if it was more open men wouldn't have the advantage of buying being kept screact

Justtheonequestion · 14/07/2018 14:27

Nobody has said its ok for women to buy sex (but most dont)

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 14/07/2018 14:29

No one - male or female - should be in the position where the "choice" of selling their body is a viable one. However the amount of women who buy sex from men are absolutely infinitesimal. Little boys are not sold into marriage with adult women. Boys are not trafficked and kept chained up and drugged up for the pleasure of women.
It's a really bizarre argument to try and say that because we are against the exploitation of millions of women and girls by men across the world, that us posters who feel that is wrong are somehow in the wrong because a few women pay for sex with men. It doesn't nullify the argument, it's pure whataboutery because is not the same thing, it is not comparable, it is no where near the epidemic of men paying for sex with women.

Original poster
Ducksinarow1 · 14/07/2018 14:29

Typhers, you say it’s a minority but the very same study a few lines up says that 59% agree that “Prostitution is a perfectly reasonable choice that women should be free to make”. So they are only ashamed when it is their own family member who is the prostitute.

This shows a remarkable double standard. It would be interesting to know to what extent people feel ashamed of their family members for buying sex. I bet it would be lower than 60%.

OP posts:
cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:33

boys are sold Into marriage though. and are trafficked.

I understand it's mainly men who buy sex and do attack. I just don't get how focusing and just spouting about how men are to blame helps any one.

Rebooting · 14/07/2018 14:36

cm
Did you read the article I linked above? Decriminalisation doesn’t achieve those things at all. What it does do is normalise the idea that women’s bodies are there for men to buy.

I think that prostitution doesn’t exist in a vacuum- it is a part of a much wider systemic issue.

I think it is possible to create a situation where women are kept safer - on a local level this often happens through charities and voluntary orgs. Perhaps the govt could direct funding here?

I think that turning up the volume on discussions about men buying sex would help - with the blame laid solely at the feet of the buyers.

I think a change in the way sexual crimes are dealt with would help.

I think repeatedly condemning the buying of bodies helps.

I think educating our young people in issues around bodily autonomy and consent helps.

I could continue.

I don’t think it is a simple issue at all.

AnyFucker · 14/07/2018 14:40

DERAILER ALERT

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 14/07/2018 14:40

*boys are sold Into marriage though. and are trafficked.

I understand it's mainly men who buy sex and do attack. I just don't get how focusing and just spouting about how men are to blame helps any one*

They are not sold into marriage with adult women. That is not about buying sex. It's horrendous but it's a different issue. The boys who are trafficked for sex are done so for sex with men.

And I'm "spouting" about how certain men are to blame because how the hell do you change something if you don't understand the root cause? You won't help those being exploited by prostitution without changing attitudes and stopping it all together. To legalise it is just papering over the cracks and saying it's acceptable. It doesn't help anyone - as Holbeck has proved. Women there are still attacked, raped and fear for their lives.

cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:45

I did, also have seen documations on legal prostitution in trial areas and other countries.

I agree it's not a simple issue and is complex. and actually agree with a lot you said in the post, alot of them would help, especially helping thouse who do it out of vulnerability and see no other way.

I also think people need to veiw sex workers as humans and rights, people do look down on them which doesn't help them at all and just alinaites them more.

Rebooting · 14/07/2018 14:49

I also think people need to veiw sex workers as humans

I do. The men buying sex don’t, though. They see them as vessels.

I challenge anyone I hear “looking down” on prostitutes - but I don’t challenge it with liberal bullshit like “it’s a job like any other”

cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:54

I guess it depends on how you veiw it.

There's two types of sex workers. ones who are forced into it, ethier by others people or feel they have no choice and suffer from it.

and thouse who choose to do it willing and I believe there is plenty of woman who are not mentally scared or damaged by it and hell may even enjoy it, though will normally go into escorting instead of purely just sex. and for them it is a job like any other.

cmlover · 14/07/2018 14:56

I have to go out now but I have enjoyed this debate and I'm pleased it hasn't just turned to name calling.