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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's ok to sell your virginity?

202 replies

Ducksinarow1 · 14/07/2018 00:38

I've seen a couple of things recently about young women, usually 18-22ish selling their virginity for over £1m, sometimes even more. There was one on This Morning a while ago, saying she wanted to save for uni, start a business and help her parents buy their home. Everyone is always horrified by the idea, but AIBU to think it's worth it for an amount of money so massively life changing?

I lost my virginity to a boy who I was in a 'relationship' with and we liked each other, but it was awkward and painful and far from the ecstasy I'd imagined, and we broke up 2 months later. Most other people I have spoken to about their first time it didn't have that 'wow' moment either - mainly we just wanted to get it over with.

If you could fetch £1m, why wouldn't you?

OP posts:
RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 14/07/2018 07:15

I agree with what onanothertrain just said. She can do what she likes, but it is prostitution.

Personally, I think with something like this, you are likely to attract the sort of man who, well, is willing to pay a young woman so he can be the first person to have sex with her. I don’t think I could bring myself to have sex with someone who would do that.

I do agree though that first time sec is pants. Based on my own experience that is. All just a bit weird and experimental, like something medical maybe? Anyway, I don’t think virginity is something to be prized, so I get why you’d say “who cares, I’ll take the money”. But by selling your virginity to someone who clearly does value it as some sort of prize, you’re just reaffirming their warped views.

Slanetylor · 14/07/2018 07:18

I know I’d be one of the puking ones.
My first time having sex was amazing, I could totally see what all the fuss was about. I didn’t rush into it though. I can’t imagine having an awful first experience. I can see the attraction in a million euro though. When I was young and Indecent Proposal came out I couldn’t believe anyone would take money for sex like that. Of course I’m not so black and white about things now. Money is important.

wellBeehivedWoman · 14/07/2018 07:24

I don't have any issue with sex work - it's just work as far as I'm concerned. I also think that virginity is an absurd and outdated concept that we put a weird amount of moral weight on when we shouldn't.

Despite the above, though, this would concern me - I would worry that a woman couldn't make an informed choice about sex work if it was her first time having sex (of course she could still have had a lot of sexual experience and still be a virgin, hence it being a stupid concept).

Also - only creepy men are going to be interested in 'buying virginity'. So this would involve a woman, probably young, being exposed to a man who simply must be something of a creep.

I'm not saying it would automatically be a terrible thing but I think it would be very hard to ensure the comfort and security of all participants.

TheSassyAssassin · 14/07/2018 07:28

To be honest I think it's a bit of a damning indictment of society as a whole really. The fact that we're quite as obsessed with sex as we are. And as someone who enjoys sex, I still think it marks us out as a bit pathetic

FatBarry · 14/07/2018 07:34

Would a man really pay 1 million for sex with a virgin? Really no cum could be worth that much.

Slanetylor · 14/07/2018 07:39

Men pay money for all sorts of things. How much are those real life sex dolls things?
Lots of men would be scared of real life sexual women and an experienced pristine would scare away their delicate erections. But a young, inexperienced, apprehensive girl? Ugghhhh but yep, that could be just the thing. God I feel totally revolted writing that, but its proabably true

rosesandflowers1 · 14/07/2018 07:40

I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting money for sex, just as there's not anything wrong with accepting money with a load of comparable things that society has no problem with. "If you think sex workers sell their bodies but removal men don't, your moralistic view of sex has corrupted your thought process."

That said, the virginity thing makes me feel a little icky. It's the idea that she's better or more pure because she hasn't done it before. Still though, that's more about the man - the girl hasn't done anything wrong and is pretty smart. There's clearly a market - and always will be, IMO - for sex.

Slanetylor · 14/07/2018 07:43
  • pristine= prostitute
TrueBlueYorkshire · 14/07/2018 07:48

The kind of guy who prizes a virgin is pretty weird. Pretty much every guy I know would prefer an experienced fire breathing whore... It ties in with societies weird obsession with youth though..

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 14/07/2018 07:48

This is just a logical development seeing the way the world is going...

Deeply ingrained misogyny. Violence to women is commonplace. Loss of sex-based rights. Younger generations' idea of consensual sex is informed by porn. Glamourising of sex work.

This is just another one to add to the list.

liverbird10 · 14/07/2018 07:49

Prostitution. Delightful. Hmm

morningconstitutional2017 · 14/07/2018 07:51

It's abhorrent to sell your virginity for whatever price. And no prizes for guessing that the 'buyer' wouldn't want to use a condom - could the girl be sure that he isn't passing on any nasty diseases?

Tiredspice2 · 14/07/2018 07:56

It’s awful in every way. The young woman on This Morning said it’s because her parents needed help, that she would go through would it. It sounded like something that she was doing out of desperation. And there are vile men willing to pay for this. So sad.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 14/07/2018 07:58

Ugh. It's the whole underlying principle of ownership of women, the value of purity, the value of young girls. It's horrible and creepy. No matter if they're both consenting adults, it still just feeds into the idea of women as property.

user1486915549 · 14/07/2018 08:02

I would want to see what the man looked like first .
( shallow and immoral...I know )

noeffingidea · 14/07/2018 08:19

would a man really pay 1 million for sex with a virgin?
Possibly with a child star or celebrity, but not otherwise. Why would they when they can already buy sex with a virgin for a fraction of that?
These stories are clearly a scam and anyone who falls for it must be a bit naive tbh.

Cakemonger · 14/07/2018 08:21

The fact that anyone would see this as anything other than abhorrent is a desperately sad indictment of the society we live in and the way women value themselves. The fetishisation of female virginity and the idea of it being something to 'give away', let alone sold, is creepy AF.

A choice that makes sense only in the grimmest of circumstances.

JeezeLouise · 14/07/2018 08:24

What AmazingPostvoices said... to save peeps scrolling back = Why is it ok to buy it for £1m but not for £10? The morality of the act isn’t impacted by the price.

NanaNoodleman · 14/07/2018 08:29

There are many societies where sale of virginity is commonplace. None of them great places for women. Not a coincidence, that

JoyceDivision · 14/07/2018 08:36

Yup,that saggy wrinkly middle aged body giving up it's virginity....oh,hang on, I bet the buyers are just thinking of the hot younger end of the "market". So not the gift of the virginity, the power of shagging some young innocent?

Gruffalina72 · 14/07/2018 08:38

I think people who view this as "just like normal, slightly awkward sex only you get a pay off" are people who've been lucky enough never to witness or experience what abusive men are capable of.

A man who thinks women can be bought and sold is not a man who respects women, and that will be reflected in the way he treats his purchase.

He won't care if he causes pain however deliberately, because this is what he paid for. He won't care if she doesn't want to go along with his particular degrading plans, because this is what he paid for. He won't care if she's distressed by him calling her repulsive names or insulting her, because this is what he paid for. He won't care if his behaviour frightens her, because this is what he paid for. He won't care about the consequences for her of him breaking the condom (if he uses one), because this is what he paid for. He won't care about her consent for him to "accidentally" penetrate any other part of her body with his hands, objects, or his penis, because this is what he paid for. He won't care if she doesn't want his hands around her throat while he gets off, because this is what he paid for. And he won't care if she changes her mind or can't bear to continue and tells him to stop or begs or pleads or screams in pain, because this is what he paid for.

Shrug it off as "lots of things in life are scarring" if you want, but sexual violence can very comprehensively fuck up the rest of your life - everything from being able to tolerate the most basic of medical procedures to being able to trust work colleagues to feeling safe lying alone in your own bed to having panic attacks or flashbacks because your own hand brushed against your leg to not even being able to maintain friendships anymore.

And for what? Virginity isn't even a real thing, it's just a construct created to control and degrade women. It's depressing seeing women take it up as a way to demean other women ("giving it away"). We're not chattels anymore; it's a shame so many of us still think and act like we are.

AnyFucker · 14/07/2018 08:42

I wonder how far the "price" would drop on the second coming Hmm

Ansumpasty · 14/07/2018 08:51

My first thought is that it’s disgusting and obviously prostitution. If it was myself or my daughter, absolutely not.

However...how many girls have lost their virginity to Dave from Wigan in the toilets of an under 18s disco and never seen him again?

Would they be better to have £1000000 in the bank to help secure their future afterwards, as well as asking for recent std check results? Hell yea they would

GreenMeerkat · 14/07/2018 08:53

It's prostitution and illegal, so no it's not okay.

If one of my daughters even contemplated this I'd be horrified.

AngelsSins · 14/07/2018 09:08

Good post Gruffalina72, people who think this is an acceptable idea, need to think very hard about the sort of men it attracts.