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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's ok to sell your virginity?

202 replies

Ducksinarow1 · 14/07/2018 00:38

I've seen a couple of things recently about young women, usually 18-22ish selling their virginity for over £1m, sometimes even more. There was one on This Morning a while ago, saying she wanted to save for uni, start a business and help her parents buy their home. Everyone is always horrified by the idea, but AIBU to think it's worth it for an amount of money so massively life changing?

I lost my virginity to a boy who I was in a 'relationship' with and we liked each other, but it was awkward and painful and far from the ecstasy I'd imagined, and we broke up 2 months later. Most other people I have spoken to about their first time it didn't have that 'wow' moment either - mainly we just wanted to get it over with.

If you could fetch £1m, why wouldn't you?

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 14/07/2018 09:14

I hate prostitution and women should never have to do it.

But on the other hand, I wish I'd done it, for this amount, only once. I'd much rather sleep with one creepy man once than spend the next 60 years working in a job I hate with a bully for a boss, earning next to nothing - which is basically what I've spent my life so far doing and I can't see any escape from it.

Confidenceknocked · 14/07/2018 09:18

I hate that women are always portrayed as the victim in these situations. If The woman is the one getting paid big money to do something she consents too, why not? I’d do it, I lost my virginity to a horrible boy who then beat me up in an alleyway when I was a young teenager. My body felt way more violated knowing I’d lost it to him than it would’ve if I’d made a decision to lose it to a stranger and make big money to get me through the start of adulthood.

Slanetylor · 14/07/2018 09:21

Did he beat you up straight afterwards?!!!!
I’m so sorry Flowers that is awful. Are you ok?

pinkdelight · 14/07/2018 09:22

I'd be very surprised if a man paying £1m for a virgin wanted an 18-22yo. Only if they looked much younger maybe. It's pretty obvious what kind of thrill they're seeking. Ugh.

Slanetylor · 14/07/2018 09:28

I read an article about those Real sex Dolls things before. The owners got to name them and give them personalities. Most of them decided the dolls were shy, 15 year olds, gentle and acquiescing. The total creep fantasy basically. I’m sure that’s what someone would pay 1,000,000 for. Not a night of hot sec, but a night of power.

user546425732 · 14/07/2018 09:28

He won't care if he causes pain however deliberately, because this is what he paid for. He won't care if she doesn't want to go along with his particular degrading plans, because this is what he paid for.

I would prefer to have had that and a million in the bank than have that and nothing to show for it.

Slanetylor · 14/07/2018 09:28

*sec=sex

Rebooting · 14/07/2018 09:40

Being a virgin is one of the requirements of arranaged marriages. Many, many trafficked women and girls are sold for a higher price because they are virgins. In brothels in (for example) SE Asia, virgins are more popular then “second hand” girls and women.

It’s the ultimate act of commodifying a girl or woman’s body: the man is laying claim to her - he wants to say “I was here first”. It’s utterly horrible and depressing that it’s even a thing.

Think about the thought process of a man who would request this. There’s nothing good about it.

OftenHangry · 14/07/2018 09:49

Op I am with you. If the woman is happy to do it, why not. It's her body and women keep fighting for a right to do what they want with their body, so saying "You can't sell yourself" goes against all that imho.
It would obviously be a COMPLETELY different story if she were forced.
Yes there are milions of women forced to do this and something MUST be done about it, but there are also thousands of women who do it willingly and even enjoy it and who are we to tell them, they are wrong and shouldn't do it?

Slanetylor · 14/07/2018 09:58

But sex isn’t like that. Sex can be wonderful or soul destroying and it can turn in a second from the first to the second. And you’re in a room all alone with an entitled weirdo ( highly probable in that they have a million euro and choose to spend it like this). It’s not empowering, you’re being paid to give away your power. You’re being paid so that you have no control over your body.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/07/2018 10:02

user546425732

The discussion isn’t about being raped versus selling your virginity

For many sex the first time is awkward, maybe a little painful for others is very enjoyable sex should always be about mutual enjoyment and respect for each other not someone buying your body becuase they want some weird mental trophy to boost their perverse ego

NanaNoodleman · 14/07/2018 10:16

There was an article in I think the times last week about young Syrian girls and women who are accepting money to enter what they think are marriages with wealthy Saudi and gulf men. Read that, then come back and tell me how cool it is to trade your virginity for money.
It isn’t all about the individual choice. It’s about reinforcing cultures where men have all the money, all the power and get to do what they like to women who have none. I don’t blame women who try and make the best of that but I do blame women who are empty headed enough to say it’s her choice and what’s the problem,

greendale17 · 14/07/2018 11:08

If it is between two consenting adults then I don’t see the problem.

I would never have done that though.

CadyHeron · 14/07/2018 11:08

Is it immoral if both people consent? Doesn't making this decision put the woman in control?

This. Their choice, and if that's what they want to do that's up to them.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 14/07/2018 11:12

Is it immoral if both people consent? Doesn't making this decision put the woman in control?

No. It's perceived control, like the slave's illusion of freedom. While we live in a world where a woman's body can fetch a price and that price is higher if she's never been with a man before, there is no control there. It's perpetuating the idea of women and girls as objects to be bought and owned. There is no vice versa either. There's not an equal situation for men.
I totally get that on the face of it - a transaction between two consenting adults - there's no issue. But I think when you look at the bigger picture, for me, there definitely is.

AngelsSins · 14/07/2018 11:16

Doesn't making this decision put the woman in control?

Sure, until she’s in pain and he won’t stop when she asks him because he’s paid for this, he’ll do whatever he wants. How in control will she be then?

Original poster
Ducksinarow1 · 14/07/2018 11:28

In terms of the control issue, does it make a difference that money is involved? Plenty of people seek out relationships where they are the dominator or the dominated - which is surely also perpetrates the idea that it’s ok for men to exert power over women, and is also open to abuse, e.g. the man going too far.

But it seems that people have less of a problem with that?

But in both cases the woman is getting something from the experience (money or sexual pleasure). Does it matter which?

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 14/07/2018 11:33

It's prostitution and illegal, so no it's not okay.

Prostitution is not illegal.

Mrsharrison · 14/07/2018 11:37

I read the story of a lesbian who did this. She was in her 20s and looked it, attractive but not model looking.
It didn't sound that bad - the guy was pleasant and she didn't regret it. He didn't pay her £1m but it was a lot of money.
I would do it. But I think we take sex too seriously.
One shag to change your life? Go for it.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 14/07/2018 11:37

In terms of the control issue, does it make a difference that money is involved? Plenty of people seek out relationships where they are the dominator or the dominated - which is surely also perpetrates the idea that it’s ok for men to exert power over women, and is also open to abuse, e.g. the man going too far.

So I yes in my opinion it does. I think there is a big difference between the sexual preference/gratification of being dominated (not to mention that the balance is fairly equal between men choosing to be dominated and women choosing to do so. Could go into underlying motives but that's probably another thread) and the treatment of women's bodies and their "purity" as a commodity.

safariboot · 14/07/2018 11:37

Any man who'd do that, I'd call a pervert. I can't fully articulate way but that's just my gut reaction. Maybe it's the implication that the girl is young and the man fantasises shey even younger. Maybe it's the imbalance of power and the control aspect - for me the huge (and I know unrealistic) sums of money mentioned just make it more perverse.

Noqont · 14/07/2018 11:40

I would have done it for 1 million. Its up to the individual what they choose to do with their bodies. Not anyone else.

cmlover · 14/07/2018 11:41

I think if a woman wants to then it's not demoralizing, she's in charge of her own body and telling her she can't do it and viewing her as less is wrong imo.

obviously there are people who don't want to do it but are forced and that's wrong. but there is people who do want to do it and arnt mentally scared from it and why shouldn't she be allowed to do it in a safe way.

AhoyDelBoy · 14/07/2018 12:01

@agnurse
I had to google him 🤮🤢🤬

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/07/2018 12:05

But once the woman’s virginity is bought and she is with his man she doesn’t have control

Do you really beleive a man who feels justified to buy the virginity of a women (or more likely a girl) is going to respect her feelings. If she doesn’t like what he is doing but he enjoys it will stop

Of course not a she isn’t in control he is he has bought that control and he is going to do as he damn pleases after all he has paid to do so