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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is school, regarding discipline?

535 replies

Imustbemad00 · 13/07/2018 22:47

Would like any information anyone can give me regarding secondary schools and discipline procedures.
My child’s secondary school is strict. I knew it was strict, partly why I chose it. However, in reality, it is causing so many problems. My child has changed so much since starting there, unhappy, suffering with mental health and has developed a bad attitude problem and I will admit is being quite naughty at school and at home. Im worried.

This brings me on to the school rules and discipline. The school penalises children for looking out of a window, or anything viewed as a drop in concentration or messing around. Even dropping a pen. They have to move through the corridors in silence and not make eye contact with anyone and can’t even mess about at break time. They have to sit and chat and be sensible. It’s like they can not have personalities.

The sanctions for bad behaviour are extreme. My child has spent a lot of time in isolation, which means out of lessons. Not learning. Not talking to another person all day. Not great for a child already struggling with mental health.

The school also give them double detentions, meaning my child is was in school for 9 hours and 45mins today without talking to another child or being in any lessons, arriving home at 6.30pm.

I try to work with them as I know my child’s behaviour is the cause of punishments, but honestly feel they are way over the top and their approach is making things worse. They say that those are their policies and that is that.

I’m thinking of moving schools but worry my child’s behaviour could worsen if boundriers were relaxed. But equally they could flourish if not so unhappy and stressed.

So Aibu to think the schools policies are over the top? Is it normal?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Reneque · 17/07/2018 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 17/07/2018 15:56

I said a journalist has contacted me via mumsnet. I’ve ignored them. Hence why I’m being careful with information. Please don’t keep saying things that are completely untrue and then basing opinions on these lies your spouting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 17/07/2018 16:01

The closest example I can give you is that just before the end of term, say an item of uniform had a hole in it and it takes up to 2 weeks to get a new item. That’s the closest example I can give without actually saying what happened. Nothing to do with wrong uniform or being rude. And nowhere have I give the impression that my child would ever swear at a teacher... massive assumptions being made

OP posts:
catkind · 17/07/2018 16:09

jeez, OP is under no obligation to share more information than she pleases. She's posted plenty to show that we're talking a bootcamp style academy here, so the answer to what she wants to know is that no this is not the norm and yes she will very likely be able to find a school that suits her child better. She's not posting for you to judge her child's behaviour or for the Daily Fail to get a good story.

Remember that these schools get the results and behaviour they do by attracting families and children who are capable of tolerating that environment. It does not mean that your individual child will have achieve worse or behave worse elsewhere.

itbemay · 17/07/2018 16:10

This sounds hideous. My ds is uk state school in school from 8.30-2.30 daily, all the teachers know the kids names, the teachers come to ds sports activities outside of school, the teachers are strict but respectful, they call ds ‘mate’ and the gcse results are phenomenal, there is a mobile phone zone in playground, a Chaplin for a chat at anytime, kids all stand up as soon as a teacher walks in room, teachers are called Sir or Miss, the really ‘know’ all the kids, 1500 pupils, i can’t believe there is a school out there like you are describing, your poor child...

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 17/07/2018 16:22

Wrong thread Reneque Confused

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 16:24

catkind

Of course not. She doesn't have to share any information at all. That doesn't mean she isn't being selective about what she does share, in the interests of misrepresenting the situation, does it?

catkind · 17/07/2018 16:37

Why would OP want to misrepresent the situation? All she would get would be incorrect advice. If her DC has been swearing at teachers and wearing pink trainers, she'll soon find that won't wash at any other school either. No loss to us.

Iused2BanOptimist · 17/07/2018 16:37

This has been an interesting and informative thread in places but I think it's run its course for you op.
Find another school, steer clear of the journalist and delete the thread for your own sake and your child's.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 16:43

catkind

That is what I am saying. My belief is that the OP wants validation that her son's behaviour will meet with a different response elsewhere and because, in her heart of hearts, she knows it won't, she is being evasive.

MaisyPops · 17/07/2018 17:01

I think people are having a go at the OP unfairly here.

It's quite common to have internal isolation. Different places have different thresholds but persistently not following rules is a reasonable reason (regardless of how small some people feel the issue is on MN).
Obviously, context is everything.
3 anonymised examples from this year -
Child A: wearing trainers in the penultimate week of term. I gave the benefit of the doubt and asked for a note from home to confirm broken shoes. Next day, no note so detention. Day after they brought the note. All good.
Child B: needs reminding to tuck their shirt in. Each lesson I remind them and have had them on a uniform monitoring card. Most days now they have it tucked in. When they don't, I remind them. They sort it. All sorted.
Child C - Not following uniform in multiple ways peristently, is rude when politely tols to sort uniform, lots of attitude and eye rolling, next day same issue, more attitude, uniform card hasn't worked and they're willingly being defiant. Yes they got isolation. It wasn't isolation 'just for uniform'. It was isolation for peristent defiance and poor attitude to staff.

The OP can't (understandably) go into details especially with people insisting on trying to identify the school.

Personally, if her child is being rude to staff then isolation is reasonable to me (even if I think other elements of the school code are excessive). Either way, the school is a poor fit for the OP and her child. She needs to lool at alternatives.

yawning801 · 17/07/2018 17:26

Oh dear. There are so many things I want to say on this thread but it would be pointless because, as OP said, you can't argue with stupid. Good luck finding a new sane school, OP.

Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 17/07/2018 17:27

I do not “ in my hearmof hearts” know it. I wholeheartedly believe, especially after reading many policies in the last few days, that my child would not be regularly in isolation in another school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 17/07/2018 17:28

And as you have made many assumptions yourself. I’m going to make the assumption your an arsehole and not waste my time.

OP posts:
catkind · 17/07/2018 17:33

Fab post Maisy. Star

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 17:41

I don't really care if you think I'm an arsehole, OP. I've said my piece. I started off with reasonable intentions (to offer you advice) but the more this has gone on, the more you have tickled my "irritated" bone with your ducking and diving reasonable questions. If I come across as an arsehole, that probably explains it.

Good luck.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 17/07/2018 17:44

That is what I am saying. My belief is that the OP wants validation that her son's behaviour will meet with a different response elsewhere and because, in her heart of hearts, she knows it won't, she is being evasive.

Rubbish. This school sounds horrendous. Kids not being able to mess about at playtime and it sounds like there is no support only draconian punishments for minor infringements. It's very clear that there are plenty of perfectly nice schools where this isn't the case and lots of people have suggested the OP moves her son to one of those schools.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 17:54

only draconian punishments for minor infringements

You too? The OP hasn't been clear on what her child's infringements are.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 17/07/2018 18:01

You too? The OP hasn't been clear on what her child's infringements are.

Why should she post this information on to the internet (to possibly be published in the daily mail and completely identify her)? Your posts are very aggressive and give the impression you're much more interested in offering criticism than useful advice. I wouldn't feel inclined to be explicit either.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 18:02

PitterPatterOfBigFeet

Because she has shared so much information, it is weird that the one thing she has left out is what happened to cause her child to be placed in isolation.

I don't think "aggressive" is fair. I am not name-calling. I am not insulting the woman. I just don't believe her.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 18:09

But anyway, I've outstayed my welcome. I'm off!

yawning801 · 17/07/2018 18:11

I'm off!

Again.

nobodysbabynow · 17/07/2018 18:20

I have noticed that whenever I see a comment on social media which is critical of Michaela, someone who has visited and talked to the wonderfully happy pupils and seen their amazing work will quickly arrive on the thread or comments - I've never seen this with any other school, isn't it odd?

MLMLM · 17/07/2018 21:31

I agree with you OP. I don't think any child should be in isolation for 3 days straight. It just goes to show isolation doesn't work. If their behaviour is so bad they are repeatedly in isolation they need to do something different.

The reason your child is so frustrated is because they know they are being treated unjustly and are really struggling with it. They don't feel listened to either. They're being treated like a prisoner not like a person.

I find it strange that people on this thread, with children, think this is OK, and normal, and even good, and will produce well-balanced children.

No wonder kids are having mental health epidemic with this utter lack of freedom and unjust treatment in some schools.

More and more draconian punishment is not the answer. All it will do is create resentment and/or terrible self-esteem.

MaisyPops · 17/07/2018 21:44

nobodysbabynow
Haven't we established this is not Michaela? Not that trying ti name the school helps the OP who is already wary of being outed.

Anyway, regardles of what any of us think about how particular schools run, they make their offer and publish their offer. I've never been to a school where they've undersold their behaviour policy. (I have seen many who over sell and it's about as much use as a chocolate teapot though)

I'm no fan of the full on style like the OP's school, but am a fan of strict rules and firm, friendly discipline.
Students are happy with clear rules and expectations. They kick against them a bit because they're teens but generally the most liked and respected teachers tend to be the ones who are firm, fair and consistent. There's no reason why that can't be the case for schools as well, regardless of our own philosophical issues with an ethos.