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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is school, regarding discipline?

535 replies

Imustbemad00 · 13/07/2018 22:47

Would like any information anyone can give me regarding secondary schools and discipline procedures.
My child’s secondary school is strict. I knew it was strict, partly why I chose it. However, in reality, it is causing so many problems. My child has changed so much since starting there, unhappy, suffering with mental health and has developed a bad attitude problem and I will admit is being quite naughty at school and at home. Im worried.

This brings me on to the school rules and discipline. The school penalises children for looking out of a window, or anything viewed as a drop in concentration or messing around. Even dropping a pen. They have to move through the corridors in silence and not make eye contact with anyone and can’t even mess about at break time. They have to sit and chat and be sensible. It’s like they can not have personalities.

The sanctions for bad behaviour are extreme. My child has spent a lot of time in isolation, which means out of lessons. Not learning. Not talking to another person all day. Not great for a child already struggling with mental health.

The school also give them double detentions, meaning my child is was in school for 9 hours and 45mins today without talking to another child or being in any lessons, arriving home at 6.30pm.

I try to work with them as I know my child’s behaviour is the cause of punishments, but honestly feel they are way over the top and their approach is making things worse. They say that those are their policies and that is that.

I’m thinking of moving schools but worry my child’s behaviour could worsen if boundriers were relaxed. But equally they could flourish if not so unhappy and stressed.

So Aibu to think the schools policies are over the top? Is it normal?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Travis1 · 17/07/2018 14:08

@Pengggwynn so if you don't buy it why not just leave the thread then? This is not a debate, it is quite clearly a parent and child struggling who need support before this child disappears completly down the rabbit hole.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 14:11

Travis1

The OP is succeeding in manipulating you, isn't she? Is it a 'uniform infringement'? Let's say the boy was wearing correct uniform, as she says he was. But his shirt was untucked. Teacher tells him to tuck it in. He doesn't. Teacher tells him again. He laughs. Teacher tells him the next step is isolation if he doesn't tuck it in. He says, "Whatever" and walks off. Is that a 'uniform infringement'?

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 14:16

Travis1

I hate that 'Why don't you just stop posting, then?', said with a wry emphasis. Hmm

Clearly I am posting because I strongly disagree with the evasiveness shown by the OP, and with her apparent desire to whack the school with the blame for her son's rudeness. I am entitled to say what I want about that, within talk guidelines.

brightonrocks14 · 17/07/2018 14:19

@Imustbemad00 OP you've me timed a couple of times that you've always been supportive of the school yet you've been to see a journalist about 'your story'. A very peculiar way to show solidarity with the school Hmm

Also whatever DC did to get put into inclusion, they clearly didn't respect the rules of inclusion on day 1 to be readmitted on day 2 for communicating. Clearly something they're not alllowed to do. Faliling comply with the rules of that sanction could, quite reasonably have been escalated to a 1 day fixed term exclusion, so id actually count yourself lucky !!

brightonrocks14 · 17/07/2018 14:20

*youve said a couple of times

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 14:32

Oh yes I'm so manipulated Hmm because noone that wasn't wouldn't disagree with you? Next I'll be the OP in disguise eh? Not only that but OP has never said it's a son, in fact given the teenage parent comment from a teacher I'd say it is much more likely she has a daughter.

Either way isolation is clearly not working for this child so the OP is doing the right thing in looking to move the child. What they have or haven't done is actually now quite irrelevant in that the relationship has broken so significantly between pupil/teacher/parent.

@Brightonrocks14 did OP not say she was being vague because a journalist had contacted her rather than she contacted them? And she knew that the school would be able to put 2 and 2 together if an article was posted with specific incidents.

brightonrocks14 · 17/07/2018 14:36

@Travis1 errrr travis where did I mention vagueness ? I think you're confusing mine with another post. I was referring to the claim OP has made that she's always been supportive of the school, yet she's contacted a journalist about her complaint which I felt was a peculiar way to show support of the school. What has that got to do with vagueness ??

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 14:40

@brightonrocks14 you said OP had contacted a journalist? She only mentioned the journalist when she was being harangued over her 'vagueness'

brightonrocks14 · 17/07/2018 14:41

So what ????

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 14:42

Ah hit send to early, my point was she hasn't contacted the journalist, the journalist contacted her.

brightonrocks14 · 17/07/2018 14:43

It's irrelevant when she mentioned it?? The fact is she has and not cos someone on here (not me) said she was being vague!!! Because she wants to get the school into trouble !!! The school she claims to be supportive of

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 14:44

Travis1

She is being deliberately vague and you are falling for it.

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 14:45

What part of the journalist contacted her is so difficult for you to understand?????

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 14:47

I'd be vague as fuck on here too with the way some people have gone at her.

brightonrocks14 · 17/07/2018 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 14:49

Travis1

But she could have been a lot less vague without any 'outing', is my point.

For example, "My child was polite throughout the interaction with the teacher." Not outing.

"My child couldn't help the issue with the uniform." Not outing.

"I haven't been able to afford to sort out the uniform issue yet but Ia doing so by Monday." Not outing.

There is no need to be so vague.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 17/07/2018 14:50

DS2 would go completely off the rails there. Wish you could tell me the name of it so I could avoid it when applying for secondary schools.

SunShades · 17/07/2018 14:53

@Travis1

Yes, isolation is a completely reasonable punishment for incorrect socks being worn. The school will have clearly published its uniform policy, so anyone choosing to ignore it is being defiant and should be punished accordingly.

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 14:55

ha ha ha ha ha Imbecile? Okie dokie love. You don't think a journalist would happen upon this story on mumsnet without a heads up? Like all the other stories that find a way onto the daily fail every other week? And I'm the imbecile?

The point is the OP DID NOT complain to the press and if you were to RTFT you would see that she has said she did not want to give specific details because she had been contacted by a journalist and did not want to do anything that would let the school put her posts and her child together. Obviously this does not aid your narration and interpretation of OP but hey why let the facts get in the way??????

CecilyP · 17/07/2018 14:59

Do you honestly not realise that journalists read mumsnet and this is the sort of thing they look for? Anyone can contact OP from here if they so wish. OP has been supportive off the school in the past but I think the blinkers have finally been removed. Travis is referring to vagueness because pengggwn has mentioned it a lot. Or do you think yours are the only posts that she should be reading and responding to?

brightonrocks14 · 17/07/2018 15:04

@CecilyP I'd say the post below gives a pretty clear indication the travis incorrectly thought it was me referring to vagueness Grin

@Brightonrocks14 did OP not say she was being vague because a journalist had contacted her rather than she contacted them? And she knew that the school would be able to put 2 and 2 together if an article was posted with specific incidents.

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 15:08

no @brightonrocks14 YOU said OP had contacted a journalist, I was giving you the context where she had said a journalist had contacted her.....or are we still not quite grasping that fact??????

Thank you @CecilyP you have understood me perfectly!

brightonrocks14 · 17/07/2018 15:15

fact is whoever contacted who first is irrelevant - OP won't win this, press involvement or not!! Do yourself, your child and the other children in the school a favour. Take your child out, hopefully they'll be able to follow code of conduct in another school and move on. If theyre not able to comply in their new school, perhaps OP will be able to speak to the journalist again admitting that in fact the common denominator is their child ...

CecilyP · 17/07/2018 15:18

No, sorry, Brighton, its not all about you!, I was going to try and explain a bit more simply for you but see Travis has beaten me to it.

mn101 · 17/07/2018 15:29

Reading through the many posts it's seems as is often the case on AIBU, the original query is lost, amongst other posters squabbles, as can be seen in the last few posts! OP wants to to know if the use of isolation or internal exclusion or inclusion or whatever you like to call it is usual. The answer is absolutely!! There is no agreed or legal tariff with which it can be imposed either ! OP seems to think there should be an exhaustive list of misdemeanours for which it can be used (as an aside some of the examples she gave would be straight permanent exclusion, let along external fixed term!!!) And OPs naivity/ignorance to think violence or being in possession of a prohibited item should be sanctioned by a day in inclusion just goes to prove why parents, should have absolutely no say in behaviour policies!!! EVER !!!