Aibu or is school, regarding discipline?

[Imustbemad00]

Would like any information anyone can give me regarding secondary schools and discipline procedures.
My child’s secondary school is strict. I knew it was strict, partly why I chose it. However, in reality, it is causing so many problems. My child has changed so much since starting there, unhappy, suffering with mental health and has developed a bad attitude problem and I will admit is being quite naughty at school and at home. Im worried.

This brings me on to the school rules and discipline. The school penalises children for looking out of a window, or anything viewed as a drop in concentration or messing around. Even dropping a pen. They have to move through the corridors in silence and not make eye contact with anyone and can’t even mess about at break time. They have to sit and chat and be sensible. It’s like they can not have personalities.

The sanctions for bad behaviour are extreme. My child has spent a lot of time in isolation, which means out of lessons. Not learning. Not talking to another person all day. Not great for a child already struggling with mental health.

The school also give them double detentions, meaning my child is was in school for 9 hours and 45mins today without talking to another child or being in any lessons, arriving home at 6.30pm.

I try to work with them as I know my child’s behaviour is the cause of punishments, but honestly feel they are way over the top and their approach is making things worse. They say that those are their policies and that is that.

I’m thinking of moving schools but worry my child’s behaviour could worsen if boundriers were relaxed. But equally they could flourish if not so unhappy and stressed.

So Aibu to think the schools policies are over the top? Is it normal?

I mean, has he been isolated until the uniform issue is corrected, or has he been isolated for one day and stayed there because of his conduct? I assume he wasn't isolated for three days irrespective of whether the uniform issue is corrected? If the first, why haven't you put the correct uniform on him?

Being told by a teacher to tuck your shirt in is reasonable, being punished for a wardrobe malfunction is not.

The whole sitting still and keeping eyes on the teacher is really ridiculous. Maybe instead of PE they should all goose step round the playground.

No the three days are for three seperate things, the first day for one thing, second day for ‘communicating’ during the first, and third for uniform.

Imustbemad00

Why are you being so evasive?

Evasive about what?

I have started making phone calls to other schools today.

I'm very pleased to hear that. Good luck with finding somewhere more suitable!

You know what. What did he do to be placed in isolation? What is wrong with his uniform? Why is he communicating when the rules are so clear that he needs to sit in silence?

You seem set upon excusing your son at all costs.

Maybe I’m trying not to put information on that is outing and could be linked directly to my child.

I’m not making excuses for the behaviour. I’m saying the behaviour doesn’t warrant 3 days in isolation. And at another school it wouldn’t. So will be looking for other schools before my child ends up rebelling and becoming more emotionally damaged. Thanks for your input interesting to hear another point of view.

It's not 'outing' to say your child has the wrong shoes, or whatever, OP. More excuses.

Maybe I’m a bit more understanding of my child because at that age, even my age now, I would really struggle not to communicate in that environment when bored.

Some people learn better on those environemnts. Some do not. I’m choosing to do my degree in a uni rather than online because I need to be in a room with others, need a tutor, need to talk things through. I wouldn’t apply myself or focus at home in front of a computer all day. So I sympathise slightly

I don't think OP is being evasive. It sounds as if the child is now instantly being given high level sanctions for everything, no matter how small. Just get your son out of this school. They have decided he is bad and that's it. Get a fresh start somewhere else. This school has no heart. 'Corrections - Yes, that is chilling.

And your sympathy is going to screw up his future. What you need to be telling him is you don't care if he's bored; he needs to follow the rules. But you won't do that, and your DS will fail. When that happens, come back and re-read the advice here.

It is completely putting to say why my child was put in isolation in the first place, the fact it’s been 3 days, and the specific uniform thing (as it’s probably very rare, it’s not worn or forgotten uniform). I was contacted by a journalist yesterday so I’m being really careful not to out my child. Sorry if that displeases you and makes it harder for you to judge and insult a child.

Where did I say I don’t tell my child that. I’ve already said I put on a united front with the school and openly support them in front of my child and tell my child all the things I’m supposed to.

pointythings

The OP has repeatedly refused to say what action resulted in her DS being placed in isolation on day 1.

Insult your child? I have not insulted your child. I feel sorry for your child.

So ignorant. Just want to believe you know, jump to conclusions and that is that. Not once have I said how I speak to my child. Of course I tell my child it’s their own fault, and these are consequences of their actions. Also, no matter how unfair things are/seem, you respect your teachers at all times, and there are correct ways to deal with problems. Please stop being so unpleasant and judgemental. We are talking about a child with mental health needs.

You’re a nasty piece of work. You will not get another reply from me as it’s clear what you are trying to do.

We are talking about a child with mental health needs

And the wrong uniform. Why haven't you put him in correct uniform? It beggars belief that you won't fix these simple things, when you are apparently so concerned about his mental health.

Anyway, I am out.

Penggwn but the initial offence should not be a factor in deciding punishment for a uniform infraction. Unless isolation is the designated punishment for all uniform infractions, of course. If time has been served, a new offence should start back at the beginning of the scale.

Good luck finding another school that’s a better fit for your DC.

I’ve no experience of secondary schools, but from your posts, it seems clear that whatever it’s merits are, this school’s not a good one for your DC. The worsening mental health and increased poor behaviour at school would seem to be evidence of that, regardless of how justifiable their disciplinary procedures are and how well other children do there.

Personally I wouldn’t be writing off the requiring improvement schools in your area without having a proper look at them first either, after all you say Ofstead have rated the current school as outstanding and it’s not working out for your DC at all!

pointythings

The OP hasn't said it isn't. She has said she thought it wasn't, but now it seems it is. What is bizarre is that her child has been going through all this misery, all this 'lack of learning' that she is so worried about, but she is still allowing him to break school rules. Why? Why not just put him in correct uniform?

It frustrates me so much. Everything is someone else's fault.

I mean, has he been isolated until the uniform issue is corrected, or has he been isolated for one day and stayed there because of his conduct? I assume he wasn't isolated for three days irrespective of whether the uniform issue is corrected? If the first, why haven't you put the correct uniform on him?

Why are you asking this, Pengggwn? OP has already made it perfectly clear in previous posts what led to the first two days exclusion and been pretty specific regarding the second day. And the third was for something uniform related totally unrelated to the first two. It is understandable that OP does not want to provide chapter and verse about days one and three.

CecilyP

Can you point me to where she said what got him placed in isolation? I can't recall that she did say.

I already said it’s not incorrect uniform. I can’t say what it is. But it’s not wearing wrong uniform.