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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is school, regarding discipline?

535 replies

Imustbemad00 · 13/07/2018 22:47

Would like any information anyone can give me regarding secondary schools and discipline procedures.
My child’s secondary school is strict. I knew it was strict, partly why I chose it. However, in reality, it is causing so many problems. My child has changed so much since starting there, unhappy, suffering with mental health and has developed a bad attitude problem and I will admit is being quite naughty at school and at home. Im worried.

This brings me on to the school rules and discipline. The school penalises children for looking out of a window, or anything viewed as a drop in concentration or messing around. Even dropping a pen. They have to move through the corridors in silence and not make eye contact with anyone and can’t even mess about at break time. They have to sit and chat and be sensible. It’s like they can not have personalities.

The sanctions for bad behaviour are extreme. My child has spent a lot of time in isolation, which means out of lessons. Not learning. Not talking to another person all day. Not great for a child already struggling with mental health.

The school also give them double detentions, meaning my child is was in school for 9 hours and 45mins today without talking to another child or being in any lessons, arriving home at 6.30pm.

I try to work with them as I know my child’s behaviour is the cause of punishments, but honestly feel they are way over the top and their approach is making things worse. They say that those are their policies and that is that.

I’m thinking of moving schools but worry my child’s behaviour could worsen if boundriers were relaxed. But equally they could flourish if not so unhappy and stressed.

So Aibu to think the schools policies are over the top? Is it normal?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
IntoTheDeep · 17/07/2018 12:14

For all we know, the uniform infraction might be something as simple as an untucked shirt that the child hadn’t noticed.

A uniform issue doesn’t necessarily mean that OP has let her DC go to school wearing the wrong things.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 12:15

day in a row, for a uniform incident (as in, wearing the uniform, but said item has something wrong with it)

Again, utterly evasive. If it isn't wrong uniform, what's the problem? Why hasn't it been fixed, either by you or by your son?

CecilyP · 17/07/2018 12:30

Can you point me to where she said what got him placed in isolation? I can't recall that she did say.

No, I am not trawling back through all OP's posts for you; you can do your own homework!

Thecrabbypatty · 17/07/2018 12:33

@pengggwn Could be hair? That may be outing and not quick to fix. Also if the second day was for "communicating" this communication incident must have been whilst in isolation presumably? If they are in isolation the anti is upped, if they break the rules of isolation usually they roll on the isolation to the following day? And this keeps rolling until they stop breaking the rules in isolation.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 12:33

CecilyP

Then, as far as I am concerned, she hasn't said. Don't bother contradicting me unless you intend to back it up.

Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 17/07/2018 12:38

Did you miss the bit about not outing my child to satisfy your need to criticise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 17/07/2018 12:39

If the journalist decides to run with it, and uses specific incidents I’ve used about my child, and the school reads it, putting them altogether, it will be clear it’s my child. Surely that’s not difficult to understand??

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 12:43

No, it's not at all clear to me that specifying what was wrong with your child's uniform will make it clear it is your child. Who would know? You've shared a lot of information here already, but - oh so coincidentally - when it comes to imparting what your child has actually done wrong, that's 'outing'. Whatever.

CecilyP · 17/07/2018 12:59

Then, as far as I am concerned, she hasn't said. Don't bother contradicting me unless you intend to back it up.

Well aren't you a charmer!

I admit that I don't know the specifics of the first day of isolation which I thought I had covered by:

It is understandable that OP does not want to provide chapter and verse about days one and three But your question was:

I mean, has he been isolated until the uniform issue is corrected, or has he been isolated for one day and stayed there because of his conduct? I assume he wasn't isolated for three days irrespective of whether the uniform issue is corrected? If the first, why haven't you put the correct uniform on him?

Which the OP had completely covered in previous posts. But do feel free to disbelieve me just because you weren't paying attention, are too lazy to look back over OP's previous posts and I am not prepared to do this for you.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 13:03

CecilyP

I honestly don't believe the OP has covered it. And if she had, why would she now be refusing to say on the grounds that it is too 'outing'? What would be the point, if she had already covered the ground?

CecilyP · 17/07/2018 13:10

She has not specified for day one, she has been very specific for day 2 and has said it is uniform related for day 3. Maybe the uniform thing is something a bit unusual that wouldn't have been noticed before her DC left for school. I'm as intrigued as the next person, but I can understand OP's reluctance to say.

Bibesia · 17/07/2018 13:12

Sorry, but aren't you missing the part where the child refuses to correct the issue?

Where does it say he refuses to do so, Pengggwn? OP has said that if anything her child is frustrated at his own difficulty in conforming with all the school's expectations. The issues in question are ones that children can all too easily fall foul of simply by virtue of being slightly forgetful or distracted at any particular moment, let alone by virtue of having learning or mental health difficulties which this school seems very reluctant to acknowledge. And it's ridiculous to say they shouldn't ever forget or be distracted, that's a level of perfection we wouldn't seriously expect of an adult.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 13:13

Then why hasn't she been specific for day 1? If she isn't being evasive, why hasn't she said what it is that got her DS placed in isolation?

And if she doesn't want to be specific about the uniform issue, fine, but why hasn't she said why it wasn't corrected (if within her DS' power) or why she didn't make sure it was sorted (if it was in hers)? Why 17 pages of posts talking about how children get isolated for looking out of the window, when, clearly, that isn't why her DS was isolated? Could it be that she wants to use the school's (admittedly very strict) policies to disguise the fact that any school would isolate her son for whatever it was that landed him in there in the first place?

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 13:22

Bibesia

Sorry, I was talking about the example policy.

And no, actually, I firmly believe we aren't talking - with regards to the OP's son - about forgetfulness or distraction. I think we are talking about rudeness and refusal of authority. The OP is trying to conflate the two.

Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 17/07/2018 13:23

You can’t argue with stupid Confused
I can not explain it any clearer. How you don’t understand how it could be outing when all pieces together is beyond me

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 13:25

You could EASILY explain why you didn't correct the uniform. You could EASILY explain why he didn't correct it. You could EASILY say whether the first day in isolation was for something as minor as looking out of the window, or something as serious as verbal abuse, etc. You are choosing to be vague. The fact that I have noticed doesn't make me stupid. Hmm

CecilyP · 17/07/2018 13:35

Then why hasn't she been specific for day 1? If she isn't being evasive, why hasn't she said what it is that got her DS placed in isolation?

I don't know; probably didn't seem that important while canvassing opinions about the school and now feels it might be too outing. I don't think she has actually said children get isolated for looking out of the window, but I got the impression that there were punishments every little thing (where in a more normal school children would just be told off). And these punishments cumulative and ratcheted up. She has also implied it is her DC's reaction to this that has got them into trouble.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 13:41

. I don't think she has actually said children get isolated for looking out of the window, but I got the impression that there were punishments every little thing (where in a more normal school children would just be told off). And these punishments cumulative and ratcheted up. She has also implied it is her DC's reaction to this that has got them into trouble

But if her son's 'reaction' was to say, "No, dickhead, fuck you"? Wouldn't be fully deserve his isolation and wouldn't the responses be different? I think the school policy sounds too strict too, but I would never excuse any such behaviour and I would be saying to the OP that her DS was the issue, not the policy.

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 13:48

Pengggwn you're being a bit of a cunt to OP now are you not? Why do you care so much? I mean FFS you're badgering her like she's being cross examined in court!

OP I'd hide this thread now, you're doing the right thing moving your child. Christ I spent one day in the office myself with the radio and internet for company and was still going loopy with no-one to bounce things off of. I'd be deranged spending three days in isolation.

Good luck to you and your child.

Pengggwn · 17/07/2018 13:56

Travis1

A cunt? Lovely. No, I am not being a cunt. I am pointing out why I don't buy it.

SunShades · 17/07/2018 13:56

@Travis1

The whole point of isolation is that it's meant to be extremely unpleasant. It's purpose is to make troublemakers behave as they won't want to go back.

Omzlas · 17/07/2018 14:00

Reminds me of a documentary I watched once about a Russian (I think) prison

I'd be looking to change schools, that's sounds far too extreme for my liking

CecilyP · 17/07/2018 14:02

The whole point of isolation is that it's meant to be extremely unpleasant. It's purpose is to make troublemakers behave as they won't want to go back.

Singularly ineffective then!

Travis1 · 17/07/2018 14:06

@sunshades but for a uniform infringement? Really? you think 9 hours in a room not being able to communicate with anyone is a suitable punishment for what could be something as silly as mismatched socks?

Also it quite clearly is not working for this student. What's the saying again? ' the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviours expecting different results'? Case in point right here.

IntoTheDeep · 17/07/2018 14:06

The whole point of isolation is that it's meant to be extremely unpleasant. It's purpose is to make troublemakers behave as they won't want to go back.

Doesn’t seem to be working for OPs child, does it? From her posts, her DC’s behaviour seems to be deteriorating under this regime.

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