Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

“he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.“

Because of five minutes of barking on a “bad day”?

Either they are way OTT and lying about the neighbours or you are mistaken about the “five minutes”.

Not a dog owner. Five minutes a day sound perfectly acceptable to me. As for the puppy, it is their problem. They hit the puppy now they have to teach it how to behave. Barking dogs are no different screaming kids. Unpleasant (and you should perhaps be trying harder to improve her behaviour) but part and parcel of living close to other people. Just replace the paneling as you said, civsider some kind of behavioural therapy for the dog and, move on with your life

I'm afraid I would feel the same..can't stand barking.

If you can persuade the neighbour to co-operate, get them together for play dates, both on his territory and on the pups. Do it every day for a few fun minutes. Walk them both round the gardens on their leads, and they'll stop seeing each other as intruders.

Moving is a drastic step. Can you ask you vet for advice on how to train your dog not to bark or find a dog behaviourist to help you? I say that as someone whose dog barks a bit but luckily i live in a rural location and she doesn't disturb anyone. How often is your dog barking and for how long each time? Can you keep him inside and only let him out at set times?

You need to address your dog's behaviour instead of avoiding tactics like updating the fence

Either they are way OTT and lying about the neighbours or you are mistaken about the “five minutes”.

My thoughts exactly.

Our next door neighbour has a dog, they let it bark for ages inside their house. It’s really annoying although the walls are thick so it’s not too distracting.

I’d prefer them to move than me if it boooed down to it.

*boiled

Thank you.

@Pintofmineralwater I agree - that’s why we’re going to keep a record of his barking. We genuinely never ignore it but we don’t always get to him instantly, as a I said.

@racecardriver thank you. I didn’t mean to imply my DD is a hell raiser - she’s just an ordinary child so when playing in the paddling pool or in the garden she might squeal with excitement etc. We try and be respectful and keep windows closed etc if she’s having a tantrum, although that has been much harder in the heat.

So how much is the dog in the garden unsupervised?

How much barking is going on? Apart from the fence, what are you doing about the behaviour? Why aren't you keeping the dog inside?

I am a dog owner and this would drive me batshit.

Incessant dog barking can be incredibly annoying, so you need a solution wherever you live. My guess is that your dog barks for a lot longer than you think. 10pm may also be a bit late if others have small children. You also might want to think about why you dog barks. Do you just shove it out on its own? Maybe it wants someone to play with? Do you walk it enough, or do you just expect it to run around your garden? Maybe you could get advice from a local Vet or Dog group.

Your NDN probably talked to your other neighbours to check that they weren't being unreasonable. If I were you, I talk to a few of them too, to clarify. Is it possible that there are other dogs that bark too?

Hate barking and I’d feel the same. You need to train him to stop barking. It’s a horrible sound.

Moving is way over the top. Just introduce the dogs and socialise them together. Maybe take your dog out for walks more so he is more tired and chilled at home?

Oh gosh - lots of answers. Thank you.

@upstartcrow I have suggested we do just that but I think their puppy is a bit young at the moment. I think this will help though.

@ApolloandDaphne the dog is only allowed in the garden when we are home. We don’t let him out before 8am or after 10pm. He will only bark for a max of a couple of mins before we intervene and we bring him in if he barks.

There are bark collars you can get that spray a harmless spray when they bark but is apparently a smell they don't like, to train them to bark less. My friend used one and it worked well.

I walk the dog for an hour a day and we sit outside with him in the evening. We play if he has the energy, but often he doesn’t after the walk.

Those with dogs, how do you stop them barking completely?

Something seems adrift here.

Five mins a day, whilst annoying is not at needing to move level and all the neighbours agreeing it's a problem.

So either your neighbours are nuts, or you're underestimating it. It's really hard to see which it is.

I always think that the whole “everyone else has told us that....” argument is used to strengthen people’s position and to intimidate people.

When I first moved in here I had a neighbour exactly like that. In fact I was going to ask if you lived in a certain area because that’s where they moved to but didn’t want to out myself too much.

Very similar situation actually. Moved here and dog was very unsettled and would bark for some periods if I ever went out. However, neighbours dogs barked constantly and I mean constantly. One of them (now departed) was so aggressive it had to be walked at night, muzzled. And then the neighbour came round to complain that the dog barked when I did the school run which was about five minutes. I apologised and worked on the behaviour.

Then one day I came home and she was waiting for me. She launched into a tirade about how the whole neighbourhood was sick of me and the dog and how they had all asked her to please do something about it so she had reported me to every authority she could think of, most of whom had dismissed her out of hand. On and on and on she went, including telling me that the house on the other side was for sale because of me. I then told her that this was harassment and that I had recorded the entire conversation and would be showing it to the police when I called them later. She ran screaming, literally screaming, into her house and never spoke to me again.

The next year they sold the house and moved, and I subsequently found out that she had in fact fallen out with the entire neighbourhood and that when I moved in she obviously felt she had a fresh victim.

In the beginning I found it really upsetting. I had just split from eXH and was obviously feeling vulnerable. but ultimately she was so batshit that I had no option but to tell her I would be taking action against her.

When they moved the new owners of the house took them to court for all manner of things that they’d claimed about the house and turned out not to be true. plus they’d left awful damp in the loft and various other damage. Awful awful people.

I would just ignore your neighbours and carry on with fitting the new fence. Others might disagree but sometimes dogs bark, it’s what they do. And as long as you’re not leaving it outside to bark for hours on end and are bringing it in when it barks I would just carry on as you are.

As for their puppy, there’s every chance it might just be becoming a yappy dog of its own accord. I wouldn’t pay any attention to those claims.

@silverhairedcat the dog is never outside when we are not at home. He can be left for a few mins if I need to check on my DD, but no more than that. And I will go out if I hear him bark.

I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes

This needs to be changed. Until he is reliable outside and not barking you need to be on hand to take him in the instant he barks. This means if you can’t be in the garden with him or at the door ready to pounce then he can’t be outside. Honestly, it’s the only way to sto his barking. He has to come inside the second it starts so he associates barking with being taken away from the fun place. Two minutes later is no use at all.

I agree that socialising your dog with the pup would be best as they will then get used to each other and will not bark when they see each other. However this would depend on your neighbour cooperating.

Hmm, "teaching their puppy to bark" - translation: When your dog barks it's your fault, but when our dog barks it's also your fault. Cheeky fuckers. Sounds like blame shifting.

Non dog owners.

I think you sound like a nice person op, you are obviously concerned about your neighbors, however I think dog owners are notoriously bad at understanding how their dog impacts the lives of others.

5 minutes of barking a day is obviously completely acceptable as long as you are trying to stop it, however you say this occurs between 8am and 10pm...a dog barking at 10pm is absolutely not acceptable. Your neighbors simply shouldn't have to listen to your dog, it's your problem not theirs and you need to correct the behaviour.

This is a particularly emotive subject for me as my family are due to make be out of our house next week due to our neighbours dogs...they are on another level to you though (had me up between midnight and 1am last night listening to their bastard dog barking in the garden)

Replace the fence (as you're already planning to do) and see if that helps. If it helped on the other side it may work. And also shows your neighbours that you are proactively doing 'something' about it.

They do sound a bit OTT though. Try not to stress too much.

Also look into socialisation lessons for doggie.

I take that onboard, thank you @Awomanisanadultfemale We have been trying to do this and hope we will see a difference.

I don’t know about he neighbours. Three have told me there is no issue, but my NDN referenced once of then as saying it was an issue. So I don’t know.