Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

Five mins a day, whilst annoying is not at needing to move level and all the neighbours agreeing it's a problem.

So either your neighbours are nuts, or you're underestimating it

Yes, I think this. The neighbours with the puppy talking about moving, saying you've 'ruined' the street and that they're 'prisoners in their own home' is massively melodramatic if the barking is at the level you describe.

You thinking of moving is melodramatic too, TBH!

My own opinion is I suspect the neighbours are playing divide and conquer. Can you talk to any of the other neighbours to find out how true this all is?

x-posted slightly. Three have told me there is no issue, but my NDN referenced once of then as saying it was an issue
Have you spoken/can you speak to that neighbour?

Does the dog bark in the house when you go out? I do sympathise with them the dog next door would bark all the time it drove me to distraction.

My neighbours dog barks incessantly. Ut barks at me and DC in our garden and our dog. Unfortunately we don’t get along or I would offer to come in and meet it and introduce our dog so it was more comfortable with us. I have started secretly chatting to and praising him through the fence when he is quiet in an attempt to create a positive association with me and him being quiet. When he barks I ignore him but after a few minutes of quiet I chat to him.

Ha your neighbours won’t cooperate - for all the neighbours to be up in arms, I’d say you are underestimating, I know it’s a pain (dog and toddler handler) but go out with him - woman gave you good advice on taking him in as soon as he barks.

I’d try a bark collar too.

good advice from an owner above. A few minutes later is no good and believe me is purgatory to those who don't choose to keep a dog and are forced to listen. Now you are getting a dose of that stress.

your neighbours have bought their own noise machine and need to train it - but the pair of you will be annoying the rest of the street. Get the dog indoors and in a cage.

barking dogs are NOT equivalent to screaming kids. At least kids grow up... (although they should be stopped from screaming once not babies)

or after 10pm. He will only bark for a max of a couple of mins before we intervene and we bring him in if he barks

that's way too long! No wonder your neighbours are pissed off. I have 2, and it would really get on my nerves.

hearing a dog owner whispering furiously "quiet, come back in" when the dog starts barking at least mean they do care and are trying.

To train your dog properly, you need to intervene immediately, they are like toddlers, they need immediate consequences to understand.

He doesn’t bark indoors when we are not here. I have set recorders up as I worry about this from when we lived in a terraced house. We live in a detached now and NDN has said they don’t hear him indoors.

I take that onboard, thank you @Awomanisanadultfemale We have been trying to do this and hope we will see a difference.

You really will if you are consistent. Surprisingly quickly tbh. You can also add praise for when he is outside and being quiet/ignoring the puppy.

I agree with @SummerGems they just want to put pressure on you by making out everyone is talking about it.

And you will never fully stop a dog from barking, so don't get caught up in trying it will just make you annoyed with your dog.

I would just suggest socialising them more and if they don't want to do that then ignore them.

I really wouldn't worry about it too much. Neighbours are the worst!

I do call to him if he barks and I am changing a nappy etc. We never ignore it. I should stress it’s very rare I can’t go straight out or am not with him when he is outside, but I agree, we need to always be able to bring him straight in.

I used to live next door to a dog that barked every single time I so much as opened MY back door to go into MY back garden. We couldn't see each other, it was the sound that set it off. I doubt the barking lasted for more than 5 mins on any day (providing I didn't spend more than 5 mins in my garden) but the barking was an absolute nuisance and completely interfered with how I used my own house.
You need to not let your dog unattended in the garden if you can't control it.
And I don't blame my neighbours dog or your dog by the way, this situation is entirely down to their owners.

our neighbours dogs bark everytime someone passes by if they are in the garden. It's only seconds of barking each time, we live on a fairly quite road and they are supervised when out in the garden, but it is incredibly irritating. So I can appreciate why your neighbours feel as they do.

@awomanisanadultfemale I agree, I have been praising him when quiet or when he stays away from their side of the garden. Apparently they are training their dog to wee against our shared fence and I have suggested this probably won’t help but I don’t know if they’ll change that.

It’s a marvellous diversion tactic when they’ve just got a puppy - they do sound like loons blowing your dog for showing the pup how to park.

I’d consider ostentatiously taking my dog for out the front street walkies on his lead for a while to show there street you’re taking it seriously and put them to shame so that if their pup barks they can’t blame your dog.

It’s not as onerous as it sounds - both myself and my neighbour walk our dogs out of the garden anyway

Obviously not sure if the five minutes is massively underestimated or not but just wanted to give a side of story incase it is going on for a long period of time. Our NDN got a dog last year and decided to leave it alone while he went out every day, the poor dog would bark and bark non stop until his owner came back, it was all day everyday and drove me absolutely insane, my child would ask to leave our house and go her nans until the dog stopped as it was driving her crazy, I couldn't even go upstairs to escape it as the barking echoed all over my house. I absolutely dreaded being at home. In the end we had to talk twice to the neighbour to get it through to them, the barking has stopped and now they don't talk to us, do I care? Not even slightly, until they've listened to a dog bark hours every single day (which they didn't, u didn't even know they had a dog when they were at home) then they can have an opinion. Don't want to sound awful but you have no idea how distressing it is, and yes I did consider moving.
If it's only five mins then obviously they are just being awkward aren't they.

OP said the dog is barking a lot more than 5 minutes a day.

In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

We had this problem a few years ago. Our dog had a loud bark and she did bark outside in the garden sometimes. Like you, we brought her in if she was doing that, but we had complaints constantly from one particular neighbour. She came round one day to complain that our dog had been barking all morning, and I was able to tell her that our dog had been in the vet's all that morning having gone in at about 7.30 am for an op. I had been aware of a dog barking somewhere but I hadn't paid much attention as I knew it wasn't ours. To give her her due, she was very embarrassed and apologised. It turned out that because she'd heard our dog barking sometimes, she assumed any dog barking in the area was ours. This may well be happening with you. Things improved a lot after that.

Those saying dog barking annoys them, that’s absolutely fair enough.

Cats pooing and leaving dead birds in my garden annoys me.

Everyone has different things that annoy them and I am trying to minimise it as an issue.

If they don't like dogs barking, why did they get a puppy?

Puppies bark. They get over excited and bark. It is not your fault that theirs is doing this. They should equally not be letting their puppy out to get over excited and get into a barking competition with your dog. If the puppy is only 12 weeks old now, they have had it for maybe 4 weeks? And already they are saying they have to move.

It is probably not at a point of having much exercise, probably not sleeping through the night or fully house trained. I suspect they are tired and possibly overwhelmed with new dog ownership and are lashing out.

Dogs do bark. Even the best trained one will occasionally bark. I would have no issue with a minute or two here and there. Hours on end, I would. You cannot always be there 'the instant' a dog barks.

Get the fence sorted. And ignore them.

All the people criticising the OP here,bear in mind that this neighbour has a twelve week old puppy and the OP’s dog has apparently barked more since the puppy arrived just.... what.... four weeks ago?

Are we really to believe that the OP’s dog’s barking has escalated that badly in a four week period that the entire street are talking about how she has ruined the neighbourhood and the neighbours are considering moving?

A bit of perspective me thinks.

Thanks @technonan I do wonder if this is happening. There are lots of dogs around here and several were apparently barking while I took ours out last night. I worry we’re getting the blame for all of it.

If they don't like dogs barking, why did they get a puppy?

Good point!

Barking for 2 minutes right up to 10pm would really annoy me, and probably wake up my kids.

I think it sounds like your neighbour was probably letting off some frustration and steam in that conversation. Don't move, that's silly.....what if the same thing happens elsewhere?!
Dogs are territorial creatures and often Barking is done out of reaction to a shock/surprise sound, boredom / attention seeking (let me in type bark) or reaction to a perceived intruder. Some dogs also bark as they perceive the owner as wanting this. Ask yourself which of these barks your dog is doing and why.
A dogs eyesight on the whole is not brilliant unless an object moves (although whippets / greyhounds seem to have fantastic eyesight) but the smell and hearing are very good.
personally, i would try and calm down and reapproach the neighbour. Apologise for the Barking but explain that the best solution will be to try and work together to resolve it for everyone's sanity. Definitely do the doggy introduction and play.....on both patches - their garden and your garden .....do it frequently and critically REWARD lack of Barking. I would hesitate to get the fence blocked. It might be better for the dogs to see each other rather than Barking blindly as the rustling sand scrabbling sounds of the other dog.
You have to swallow your pride to do this