Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

Every time your dog barks bring it in...I do that with mine,.theres a dog near by us that Barks at 6 am every fucking day for over an hour..clearlyit gets put out and it's barking to get back in..fucking nightmare,so I suppose for me having put up with blooding barking for yrs ,I wasn't going to have my own dog do the same

We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark

So you do leave him to bark? Because you are inside doing something else while he is outside even though you know he barks. And you don’t drop everything to deal with it.

You’ll need to keep him indoors or outside with supervision.

I don't like dogs barking, I still have 2. I didn't buy them to hear them bark all day long.

I’m sure if I asked my neighbour how long her dog barks for a day she’d say 5 mins. In reality, added up, it’s over an hour, sometimes much more, most days. Then her dog sets off a dog on another street and and so on. What I’m saying is the owner of the dog always plays it down. Daily dog barking is really fucking annoying.

You need to train your dog.
My neighbour had a dog, my 6 foot high fence (built because of her dog) is bowed where he used to throw himself at it snarling & growling trying to get through if my then toddler dared go into my back garden.
If I stood at my sons bedroom window to clean it or opened the window or the curtains, the dog would bark & snarl endlessly.
They said he was a big softie & was just barking because he was scared, but my son has grown up afraid to go in the back garden.
Hearing the dog hurl itself at the fence trying to get through & seeing it shake under the force of the dog hitting it was a frightening experience.
They defined this as 'just barking a bit'.

When the NDN had a baby, their dog was gone within a week, (it sounded like it kept trying to attack the baby) so now we no longer have a dog problem.
I think if they had trained the dog several years earlier when it kept trying to attack my child, they might have been able to keep their dog when they had one.

The dog terrified me, but I blame the owners.

I think she sounds deranged. Dogs bark all the time, it’s normal animal behaviour. I’m not a dog lover but I just tune it out. Like traffic noise, children out in gardens and the occasional noisy party, it’s all part and parcel of living in towns. Unlike the cockerel my neighbours had a few years ago - now that was annoying!

If it went on for hours at a time it could be annoying but a few minutes a day seems ok to me.

And considering moving is a ridiculous threat. Lots of people have dogs who bark. You couldn’t possibly guarantee to move to a street without a barking dog....

normal barking to me. our neighbours have dogs. they bark sometimes. prob at squirrels
maybe a couple of times a day.
they are well looked after and supervised.
they need to get over themselves.

5 minutes pre puppy - how much is it now with the puppy?

Op I am also wondering about the dog’s exercise, and meeting other dogs. I had a large active dog when I had small dc and he needed to run every day otherwise he’d deliberately bark a lot.

It was a struggle and I signed him up to borrow my doggy to get extra walks.

I am casting no allegations, but worth considering if trying to find someone to give your dog an extra walk would help.

@palegreenstars it’s probably 10 mins now, in total, which I completely agree is not OK. We are going to start keeping a record to make sure we are not blinkered on this. Fortunately as he only goes out when we are here I am confident that we can keep an accurate record.

They don’t have children, but we do, as do other neighbours so I am really sensitive to barking as you never know when a child is alseep or getting ready to nap.

You need to check if what she says is true and other neighbours are fed up with it too.

The recommended advice for the breed is the amount of activity we give. More than that and he starts to limp because he has an injury to one leg.

I'd also take the neighbourhood thing with a pinch of salt.

We had next door neighbours who did exactly this, said our constant barking dogs were ruining their lives, reported us to environmental health (nothing came of that), said they were going to ensure our dogs were got rid of "by any means" and told us the whole neighbourhood hated us and were telling them they rued the day we ever moved in. They also referenced a specific neighbour who apparently hated us.

We went round to that neighbour to apologise, tell them what measures we were putting in place with the dogs etc (who only bark when the door goes anyway) and they said they hardly ever heard the dogs and loved having us living there as our DCs always sounded so happy in the garden. So the whole thing was completely fabricated.

About a year later NDN moved. We found out on dog walks since then that the whole neighbourhood breathed a collective sigh of relief as they'd caused trouble with everyone! New NDNs are lovely. I've said to please tell us if our dogs are a problem and they've said no, they barely ever hear them.

So don't take this at face value, don't over worry and certainly don't move! With any luck they will.

I have a dog that likes to have a woof in almost exactly the same way and, like you, I limit it very strictly. I’d say it pretty much impossible to eradicate completely.

I wonder if your neighbours are super stressed with having a puppy. I was really, really stressed in a way that very much surprised me and several others have said the same. So blaming your dog may be a reaction to her stress.

Although it will take some guts ( strong drink) I recommend going to see her with wine/ flowers or whatever and suggesting that you try to work on it together. You are neighbours and have to live alongside so it would be miles better to try to be friendly and find a solution that works for you both. I agree about the weeding and getting them together to socialise.

That’s assuming she is a reasonable person. Good luck.

Incidentally I was so very much against having a dog that barked but seems that, like children, your expectations do have to be adjusted sometimes. Five minutes or so a day is fine.

Weeing, not weeding.

I’m not a dog person and barking dogs ARE annoying BUT a few minutes a day would not even register. Part and parcel of living amongst other people and no more irritating than kids playing outside in the street.

I certainly wouldn’t mind if my neighbour’s dog started barking in their garden and they took a minute or two to finish changing a nappy or have a poo before they came and stopped it. On the other hand, if they left it for 5 minutes or more each time that would be too much.

Methinks your neighbours are deflecting in advance in case their new puppy becomes a barker. ;)

Yes seems deflection is most likely! I would definitely be walking my dog out front for a while.

Your dog could still be lonely, op, and borrow my doggy could help with that too.

I don’t know how recent the dc is, but my dog went from pampered prince to a being getting a lot less attention post dc although he coped well. I am projecting through - I know my dog was barky sometimes through boredom/loneliness and exercise but you ruled out exercise.

@snugglepumpkin that sounds awful! My dog is not aggressive, at all. He’s a spaniel. He loves everyone. He’s been amazing with my DD. I agree, training is really important and we’ll definitely keep doing the hints suggested here.

Dog barking is infuriating. My poor daughter had to endure this while revising for GCSE exams. I don’t think dog owners realise how noisy their dogs are.
My neighbour is lovely but her dog barks, whines etc when she goes out. The dog is gorgeous and we feel so sorry for her when she is crying. I would love a dog but just don’t think it’s fair to leave one alone all day when working full time.

If you wakes your dog out front at night to ensure no post 7pm barking, that would show willing

@sleeplessmeanderer that was probably the case a few years ago, by to offset it we sent him on ‘holidays’ to my family on the coast so he has a break from sleeplessness and lack of attention.

MisstoMrs Fri 13-Jul-18 12:43:04
I walk the dog for an hour a day and we sit outside with him in the evening. We play if he has the energy, but often he doesn’t after the walk.

Those with dogs, how do you stop them barking completely?

You can't and you shouldn't. It's against the 5 freedoms to prevent dogs exhibiting natural & normal behaviour.

Obviously don't let your dog bark excessively or to a level where it becomes a nuisance but you can't eliminate it completely and no one should expect you to.

The five freedoms as currently expressed are:[1]

Freedom from hunger or thirst by ready access to fresh water and a diet to maintain full health and vigour
Freedom from discomfort by providing an appropriate environment including shelter and a comfortable resting area
Freedom from pain, injury or disease by prevention or rapid diagnosis and treatment
Freedom to express (most) normal behaviour by providing sufficient space, proper facilities and company of the animal's own kind
Freedom from fear and distress by ensuring conditions and treatment which avoid mental suffering

@naveloranges I agree. I work part time, and much of that from home. The dog is rarely alone for more than a couple of hours. We do have a dog flap but I don’t use it in case of barking when we’re not there.

I think you are probably massively underestimating it.

I had a setter for 14 years. I thought her not to bark by when she was a puppy if she ever went to start I gently held my hand around her snout, very gently. Soon I just needed to do the hand cupped sign and she got it. I never ever had an issue with her barking.

We're just about to move. Unrelated, but one thing I'm really looking forward to is not living near our neighbours dog. He and thery are lovely but he always barks. They think (we're friendly with them anfd they've said) he doesn't bark much and it's only for a couple of minutes.
They're wrong and it's really annoying.

I don't think barking dog owners really hear it, in the same was smokers don't smell they are smokey if you get what I mean.

You have to address the barking.