Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

To be fair today hasn’t been good - 27 woofs over 5 occasions. Unusual but v upsetting. I guess we just try again tomorrow. My DH is going to speak to them about the fence. I know I should but I just can’t face it. If I get another barrage of issues I don’t think I would be able to listen to it politely again and respond appropriately.

I think your neighbours might be a bit loopy op. If you live in an area with other houses, you'll likely have neighbours with dogs. Dogs bark. Sometimes they bark more than once. It doesn't sound like yours barks excessively at all, even on a bad day. And you seem to make a big effort to prevent it from going on too long. Unless I'm missing something, I can't really see what they're expecting from you!

27 woofs during the day, on five occasions, isn’t excessive woofing, whatever loony Mumsnetters say op. Don’t worry!

Thanks all. My DH has had a long talk with me this morning about taking this too hard. So, I’m just going to try and put my big girl pants on, keep doing what we’re doing and try and move on. Wish me luck!

As the owner of two formerly barky dogs, you need to get in there immediately when they bark. Not wait for a few minutes then dawdle out. Go out with the dogs, distract/reprimand them when they bark, praise when they sniff nicely. If they can't be trusted to go outside quietly then you need to supervise closely. Ours still yip occasionally (maybe once a month), but not for more than 10 seconds, then we get scold them and get them back inside.

Good luck and I wasn't trying to appear unkind, just advice. Our dogs barking used to drive us up the wall!

Oh ffs your neighbours are idiots. The noises I hear in my garden include, kids screaming, neighbours shed alarm going off, boy racers who have made their cars as noises as possible, kids playing in a local school, events at the local park, planes flying overhead, the pigeon that likes to sit on my chimney, the baby birds shouting for food, at night the local owl kicks off )and quite often the police helicopter, out neighbours playing music, laughing with their friends, cutting lawns, jet washing and omg, several dogs barking! Your dog is not barking excessively. Do people run outside and grab their kids kicking and screaming inside the house everytime they make a noise, some people hate dogs. If it’s taken your neighbours 5 years to mention the barking I would suggest that it’s their issue not yours, theirs is only a puppy, maybe turn into a barker (what breed is it?) fingers crossed they move

I love how you've counted the woofs! That is so sweet OP.... Ignore the dramatic posts on here, they've just made you more anxious!

You're conscious of the issue and addressing it whilst your neighbours are also being unreasonable. You've done nothing wrong! You don't leave him to bark! X

Op you'd o ly need to use the water pistol a few times and that would be eniugh. Three people I know have done this with great success. It's only a bit of water.

Any able adult should get their dog in way before 5 minutes of barking has passed. How long can it take to stop what you're doing and go get your dog? I've a dog and wouldn't dream of inflicting that on my neighbours. It just takes a little bit of consideration, eg. if you're going for a shower, frying something that can't be left for a minute etc, bring the dog in first.

Seriously. Ignore your neighbours and pompous unrealistic posters on here. We don't live in isolation, the noisenyoundescribe is unrealistic. Your dog is not teaching theirs to bark and they show themselves unsuitable as dog owners if they choose to credit others with any unwanted behaviour that your dog may show.

Relax. Don't worry what others think. Continue to love and enjoy your dog. Keep doing what you are doing and do not try to be the perfect person some believe themselves to be. Keep doing what you're doing. You are not doing anything wrong.

FFS, dogs bark8ng is the equivalent of kids talking, shouting, laughing, screaming - communicating. Can you imagine how.people would react if we decreed children should be seen and not heard? That adults should also limit their communication? Humans need to get a fucking grip

Do anything that Cesar Milan woukd advocate. That man is a menace and all his shows should be pulled. Pets Corner and Pets at home have pulled his books from their stores. Do a little research of your own and you will quickly find why to avoid his shit and find much better trainers to follow.

That should be don't do anything. Phone really playing up today!

FFS, I know the OP won't do it but for anyone else reading, do NOT use water pistols etc. on your dog (or any dog). These aversive methods are often peddled as a 'quick fix' but they are cruel and dangerous. I explained why in my previous post on this thread but given the water pistol post above wanted to reiterate it. It doesn't matter if the aversive is 'just' water in the face, the principles are the same. This is long but a good read: www.dogwelfarecampaign.org/implications-of-punishment.php

Shorter but makes the same point: www.vettimes.co.uk/news/aversive-dog-training-techniques-unacceptable/

I have 3 dogs OP and work from home, so I am pretty much always here. We live in countryside with only 2 neighbours (barn conversions).

Both neighbours complain about my dogs. But i'm not joking they bark at the postman / delivery drivers, who all know them by name and pat and fuss them once door is opened. One dog will bark at the fence between the gardens if she see's neighbours dog. But its like maybe 10 woofs per dog over the course of a day.

Some people are just uptight and get a bee in their bonnet like my neighbours.

I am sat here typing this with bifold doors open onto the garden and neighbour 2 is playing very very loud reggae. How is that considered OK when my dogs occasional barks isn't?!?

Ignore them.

OP I haven't read the full thread (half of it), but I really feel for you reading this. Dogs using barking as a means of communication the same as humans talk. Dogs bark for a reason- hearing another dog (often which our ears can't pick up), to alert us that someone is there etc. It's cruel to attempt to remove this completely. This is what is bugging me about some of these posts.

I'm no longer a dog owner, but had two a few years ago, the larger being a big breed who's 'woof' you could hear a mile away.

The only time they would bark would be if someone knocked the door, if they were outside and neighbours had visitors, which were mostly family so they would call him over, put their hands through the fence and smooth him, and when the postman came, and he would chase the dog around the garden and play with him before giving him a treat (yes you read that right).

Before I read your post I imagined your dog barking solidly for hours on end. From the updates you've posted, I wish some of the dogs around her barked that little! But now your dog has a 'new' friend to communicate with. He has a new puppy to get to know. And as he can't do his usual smelling and sniffing his bum, barking is the only way to go.

Honestly I believe you've done the right thing, you've taken the complaint on board, you are doing things about it, you are taking the good, the bad and the ugly off here, but I do believe that they are making more out of it than necessary. I'm sorry that they've made you feel the way you do, because you come across as someone who cares what others think, and it's a shame they handled this the way they have. They could easily have just asked for a quick word and said that they've noticed the dog is barking more than usual, and it's disturbing them, is everything ok? You would have got the same message, without being made to feel like shit. Hang in there.

@kittyperry77 I don’t leave him for 5 mins. The 5 mins is cumulative across the day.

Thank you to everyone who has posted. Unfortunately a friend at work is having a really difficult time with a poorly parent and it has put it into perspective for me. I’m going to try and put my big girl pants on tonight and go to speak to them about the fence.

MisstoMrs

Hope your chat with them went well. Sorry to hear about your friend.

Thanks @ perfectly1mperfect

I actually ran into them taking my dog out. I made a big fuss of theirs, who was very friendly. I asked if they were ok about the fence and they said yes. I was about to go when she said thank you for whatever we had been doing. If may have been churlish but I replied that they had only ever needed to ask. I wished them a good walk and left it at that. I’m glad there’s been an exchange now, and they feel the changes are enough but it has definitly soured the relationship. I suppose at least i know how they are now.

They probably feel a bit silly now and I think they will regret causing more of an issue than there had to be. Good for you for saying something in reply to them thanking you though. I think you have remained extremely dignified throughout. Hopefully once the fence is all sorted you can just get back to normal life and feel less anxious about everything.

You sound like a lovely neighbour OP

Thanks @perfectly1mperfect and @calledyoulastnightfromglasgow. I really appreciate your support.

Vetoncall..... Who said anything about squirting the dog in its face???

Sigh... ok, to be crystal clear, if you squirt water at a dog to make it stop doing something, whether you get the dog in the face or up its arse it's still an aversive and the principle is exactly the same.