Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

Apparently they have chosen a breed of dog that doesn’t bark.

We have a dog. If she goes outside and barks, we bring her in immediately. Having said that, she's not a barky dog.

We live close to a dog that barks, not all day, but often enough to be annoying. Our immediate neighbours have spoken about this dog but no one really wants to take the plunge and say something. My view is, if you have a dog your neighbours should not have to put up with it barking.

We used to live close to a German SD. They used to let it out every morning and it barked. It used to wake us up sometimes. My DH had a quiet word but got back vitriol. Basically, the dog has to let off steam and we have to put up with it.

I honestly think if someone has actually said something, then your dog is causing a problem. Apart from bringing it in, when it barks, I don't know what you do.

10pm is too late for a barking dog to be outside IMO.
We have neighbours on both sides with dogs, but they keep them inside around bedtime as they know that most on our street have babies/toddlers/small children. Can you keep yours indoors earlier on?

Could it be that your dog is barking in the house when you are at work? My DSis was tearing her hair out because she works from home sometimes and the neighbours dog was barking and howling most of the day when alone, but was fine in the evenings when they were there. Can you set up a webcam or something to see what he's like during the day?

Changing the fence sounds like a good move to me, as does encouraging your dogs to socialise together occasionally. If you can encourage him to bark less I imagine that would help, but I'm not a dog owner so I don't know how easy this is with a mature dog.

@Jeippinghmip I agree there has been a problem since they got their puppy. And we are absolutely working to address that. What I am struggling with is the statement that this has been a problem since we moved in. They have never mentioned it before. My other neighbour has but said he is happy with the amount of noise and is thinking of getting a dog himself. No-one else hasn’t mentioned it. One of my neighbours keeps biscuits for my dog.

@crazychemistvwe have set recorders. He makes no noise in the day.

He will only bark for a max of a couple of mins before we intervene and we bring him in if he barks

Is the 5 min barking once a day or several times a day?

I have several neighbours who own dogs and they all seem to let them out into the gardens for most of the day. They all let them bark "for a few minutes" several times a day. Once one starts, they set off the other ones, there can be 4 or 5 barking at the one time. This goes on several times during the day and night and drives me insane.

“Apparently they have chosen a breed of dog that doesn’t bark.”

Well either they have a basenji and your dog will never teach it to bark because it’s not actually possible or they’re a bit nuts tbh.

To be fair though, if your dog is barking every time they go out with their puppy, even if it’s only a couple of barks, that’s going to be pretty irritating.

I think if you let him out you are going to have to wait outside with him to bring him in as soon as he barks. He will grasp that barking outside means he gets took straight in and should learn not to.
For my dog who was only a pup at the time (so you may have lost the window of opportunity) I stopped him barking by teaching him to bark on command. So i rewarded him for barking when I said speak and ignored any other barking and he quickly learned to only bark when I asked. I also made sure he linked knocking at the door with speak so he only barks now when somebody knocks on the front door because I obviously don't ask him to speak.

Our dog has one of those long extendable leads purely for early morning or late-night garden visits because that way I know she won't bark.

If she's outside with us she never barks, if she's outside alone she'll have the odd bark at a bird but I'm pretty strict with her so she's never been allowed to run around barking constantly. I think some breeds are just anxious/excitable and you have to work around the dog you have; friends of ours have a spaniel like ours who barks incessantly and drives everyone nearby mad. I think if ours was allowed to, she'd do the same.

I do have a drunk neighbour who sings Fields of Athenry whenever she's pissed up in the garden. I wonder if one of those collars would help shut her up?

I've not rtft but wanted to say if your dog is a Spaniel they are a working breed and need stimulation and companionship more than other breeds.

One walk a day is just not enough and your dog is bored out of its brains!

Spaniels generally are not 'barky' dogs so it does sound like he's unhappy. It also sounds like he's in the house while your out then he's out in the garden alone when your home?

Don't use any aversive tools like barking spray or collars! Give your dog company, proper exercise and training!

I am a massive dog lover but I have to say I really, really despise those who allow their dogs to bark incessantly.

Out of curiosity, what breed is their supposedly barkless dog?

No need to be prisoners in your own home, I didn't do that even with our batshit neighbour.

Your dog didn't teach their puppy to bark. Many puppies may not bark a lot at first, but they find their voices eventually. My old labrador first realised he could bark when he was about 5 months old. He is almost 14 years old now and has never been a big barker. I had more of an issue with my spaniel there. If either of them kicked off in the garden I have always brought them in as quickly as possible.

Out of interest, what breed have they bought, that apparently doesn't bark? That sounds like bollocks to me, designed to wrong foot you.

As an example of the last 24 hours, the dog has barked three times. Twice yesterday evening, at the most this was for less than 2 mins each time, once at 7ish and once at 8:30ish. He also barked for less than 10 seconds this morning. Each time we were either out with him or went out and brought him in. This is less than it has been recently - probably more like 5 / 6 episodes of less than 2 mins (sometime half a min, max 2 mins) which I absolutely agree is annoying 1 but hopefully gives an outline of what the position is like.

Apparently they have chosen a breed of dog that doesn’t bark.

Bullshit

There are some breeds that bark more than others, but no breed is a non-barking dog. Do you know what breed it is?

Dogs start learning to bark somewhere between 8-16 weeks without any assistance from other dogs (so google tells me - I've only ever had adult rescue dogs), so the puppy is of a prime age to learn to bark anyway.

I don't think you should be allowing your dog to bark for 5 mintues.

After the first bark, correct him immediately so he knows it is not wanted. If you are not consistent with your training or quick enough to apply it then he will find it hard to learn what is OK and what is not.

If you let him out for some time but don't correct the barking then he won't associate being brought in with having done too much barking and will continue.

I dont' blame the neighbours for being upset if they perceive that you are not doing enough to stop the behaviour.

@failingatforty I’m following the advice of the breeder and the kennel club. He is not a springer / working strain etc that I agree would need more exercise and stimulation. I deliberately chose my breed based on experience and what I could offer. He has a lot of company and enough exercise. Sometimes more than I think he would like. I do not allow him to bark incessantly.

@seafret I don’t allow him to bark for 5 minutes unchecked.

@MisstoMrs I saw an absolute genius idea for a dog that was trained to pick up a cushion whenever the doorbell went. Obviously, mouth full = no barking!

I wonder if you could do something similar - whatever noise sets him off, teach him to pick up his fave toy/anything immediately? You could record the trigger sound as part of the training?

Sorry, posted too soon. The 5 mins is cumulative through the day.

The neighbour is in for a surprise when his puppy grows! Blam8ng your dog for teaching the puppy to bark is silly but an adversarial relationship now will teach the puppy to be adversarial also towards your dog.

The best thing to do is to socialise the two together provided your dog is not dog aggressive. Take them to a neutral place like a park with secure fencing (the puppy won’t have a recall yet and you don’t want him running off), ideally leave them both off lead (lead tension can make some dogs reactive) and allow them to get to know each other being ready to step in and calm down things if needed. Bring some yummy treats with you and do a bit of train8ng with your dog, although someone should keep the puppy a short distance away so there is no fighting over food. All this teaches your dog that the puppy is fun and he gets rewarded for good behaviour near the puppy. Repeat 2-3 times then do the same in the puppy’s garden and then in your garden.

As for teaching not to bark you are doing the right thing to react every time your dog barks but make sure you also reward him each time he is quiet.

@shotsfired that’s a good idea. My parents did the same with a spaniel that nipped when it got overexcited. Mouth full, no nipping.

Breed wise, it’s not on the list of dogs that don’t bark if you google dogs that don’t bark. I don’t know how I get them to understand that when it naturally starts barking that isn’t my dogs fault though. I’m guessing I probably can’t.

I thought you meant that the 5 minutes was cumulative, so in total over the whole day.

That is definitely not excessive. Ignore those who are saying it is.

You need to not allow your dog out until you’re outside to supervise constantly and bring him in immediately when he barks. If you pop in to check on dd or change a nappy or put the kettle on dog goes in with you. The level of barking you’ve described is completely unacceptable.

My feelings about dogs are completely neutral, I neither like not dislike them. I don't own a dog but the neighbours opposite me and the neighbours next door to me do. They let their dogs out into the garden for "only 5-10 minutes at a time" too, sometimes alone in the garden while they "pop out quickly". They then don't suffer the constant barking but myself and about 15 other householders DO. Whether or not its "only 5 minutes" or not, is not the point. If I had enough money I'd move to a field in the middle of nowhere.

You sound like a nice person but please don't underestimate the effect your dog could be having on other households.