Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

*thought = taught

@hotdamnthatsgood we definitely hear it. My DD is young enough to nap and goes to bed at 7. If the dog barks, he disturbs her.

Good tip on the training though. Thank you.

Dogs bark - a few woofs here and there really aren't the end of the world. I live in a street where at least half the houses have dogs. I often hear them bark a bit. It isn't incessant for hours on end but I assume they are woofing at a pigeon for half a minute or the postman or because someone is playing with them or at someone they see through the gate. If your dog just barks now and then for a few minutes across the span of the day then your neighbour is nuts. Some people are. It is best just to accept that and nod and smile at her. If you are really concerned the rest of the neighbourhood may think the same ask them. I bet they hadn't even noticed your dog having the odd woof during the day.

Our ndns 3 dogs are shoved out from 8am-6pm. They bark continually. If I go out to hang washing, put something in the bin etc the barking gets worse.

My ddog goes out to do his business then straight back in. Although my dog gets 3 walks a day, there’s get none.

Honestly if your dog only barks for 5 mins per day they are being drama llamas.

So you get the barking sorted. ..
Then ndn start saying your dc are making her puppy bark?
What then?
I would be more annoyed about dog piss smell and damage to the fence than barking.

My dog will sometimes bark if someone makes a loud noise in the next garden and it gives her a shock, but I instantly bring her in if she does that –or go out there and distract her with something else/soothe her. If you aren't able to do that, then perhaps only let him out when supervised? If he's getting a good walk then he only needs to be out for the odd pee or poop outside of those times, unless you are sitting out there with him, so you can take him out, wait for him to do his business, and take him in rather than have him out there on his own.

I do think they are being a bit unreasonable in expecting that the dog next door might not have a bit of a bark when a new dog arrives. A few minutes a day is hardly life-ruining, but if it's happening later at night that's not ideal.

I'd also work on some training for your dog to stop him barking - clicker training is a great and positive method for rewarding behaviour. He will also probably get used to there being a new puppy - it might still be a novelty.

Ha, holidays on the coast? Your dog sounds quite lucky!

I agree that I screen out all sorts of noise like other people’s kids, barking etc these days.

*thery = they

Sorry typing shit today.

Past 8pm we only let ours in the garden srltrictly for toiletting and then back in. I think the barking is difficult. Ours will bark at butterflies or wind blowing the trees!! There's so much of interest to a dog that you can't police. But leaving them alone at all when they will still bark isn't good, in those two minutes they're learning it's ok to bark when you're not there.

I'd agree with pp about the fence being a bit of a red herring, the issue is dogs like to communicate with other dogs, and if they can't be with them, that's done by barking. Your dog will still smell the other or hear them and want to bark. Or they will bark and then yours will in return, I think not being able to see the "threat" at all would make it worse?

I know you don't get along but as soon as theirs is allowed to socialise I'd suggest they meet and play if possible, it may help, and it would be in your men's interests too, to have them get along nicely. You may well bump into each other when walking them anyway and if you avoid or pull them away from each other it'll make things worse.

I'm not a dog owner so really sorry if i don't get it, but would it be possible to rehome the dog with someone you know? Moving seems very extreme.

I wish my neighbours had the same standard as mumsnet seems to is all I can say, their dog barks for about 20 mins plus a time several times a day including late at night and they seem to think it's fine. Argh! Then there's the chickens... yes I do live in the inner city. I also wish I had neighbours that were prepared to listen as you have, so good on you for reflecting.

*ndn's not men's!

Rehome the ddog?? Oh my days. ....

I’m not a dog owner.

Surely it’s expected that dogs will bark a bit, particularly if there have been changes (new puppy). It sounds like you’re working to address this. I think your neighbour is OTT. If they are so disturbed by 5 mins of barking, maybe they shouldn’t have got a dog!

I think barking is too much if it is really early outside (5am for instance), really late (11.30) or if it goes on and on eg throughout the night. But otherwise, humans have dogs as pets, and yes, dogs make a noise, and that should be ok for short periods.

We have this. My ndn got a new dog I say that because they had puppies and after a visit from the rspca they disappeared. Anyway it’s locked outside for hours whining but it’s a low pitch whine that sets my dogs off if they are in or outside the house if I have my windows opens. If my dogs bark I get a complaint letter so I can’t have my windows open or let them use their own garden now because the dog next door whines all the bloody time and throws itself at the fence trying to get into my garden. Bloody nightmare we have the plug in and calming sprays and treat for no barking but no amount of this stops their reaction to the dog next door.

I have no advice I’m afraid as so far nothing is working for us apart from just not letting the dogs near the back of the house/garden. Our dogs where fine with the other ndn dogs as they weren’t whining or throwing themselves at the fence. These last 6 months have been a nightmare.

Let's be real. All dogs bark, some more than others - yes.

Generally you don't want your dog barking for no reason, when he does start barking at the fence - u need to address it immediately!

Get assertive with your dog, you will not tolerate barking.

Reward good behaviour with positivity, fuss and treats perhaps.

You will need to be consistent- the second you allow the barking to continue- you take several steps backwards.

Is the neighbour setting the scene so that any excessive noise/barking from their puppy can conveniently be blamed on your dog, instead of their own?

She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem

I'm betting that ^ this is a pile of over exaggeration

that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark Your great hulking 4yo is terrorising our PFB PFPuppy. this sounds like New Puppy Mumma. They are the only people in the world to have a dog and of course their dog would never bark unless led astray and taught bad habits.

and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden

You and your dog have been there for years. If the arrival of THEIR puppy has coincided with the rise in barking, it's actually MORE down to them and their decision to get a dog next to someone who already has one.

You are doing the best you can, if they want to move, then they absolutely can.

A dog barking for 1 to 2 minutes after even 8pm is fucking annoying for anyone with young children. If my neighbours dog was barking for 5 minutes after 9pm I'd make sure I disrupted their sleep too if they didn't correct it's behaviour after I'd spoken to them.

If it is only 5 minutes I wouldn't see an issue, however after 9pm and probably a little earlier because the kids are in bed it would annoy me because a dogs bark would probably wake them especially in summer when windows are open.

Our current dog is fine she only barks very rarely, but our old dog would bark at the door and just before she passed away she would bark when left, to which our neighbours came and told us (very politely actually perhaps because it was a new progression) but that is actually how we realised something wasn't right with her. But I was always very conscious and unless I was in the garden the door was shut.

Pfft!

My dog will bark sometimes when in the garden at the neighbours dog - her dog barks back. We are both pretty much on top of it and will call our respective dogs in when this occurs. This process will take no more than 2 or 3 minutes as in your case OP. We only have one other neighbour across the road who hasn't got a dog. If they complained they would get short shrift as I have to listen to him joy riding his Lamborghini up and down our country road and it sounds like a fricking jumbo jet taking off (this happens more often when he has guests who must, I assume, be asking for a ride).

I also have to listen to the other neighbour's (the aforementioned other dog owner) burglar alarm on a regular basis which announces - "You are trespassing please leave the property immediately" when the sensor is triggered by a passing squirrel.

The Lamborghini owners ride on lawn mower is pretty noisy and is his leaf blower.

I find this all a bit irksome but then I have a word with myself. We all have to tolerate a bit of intermittent noise from our neighbours and should learn to live with it (since our noise will at times impinge on them) unless it is disproportionate (very regular / very loud / sustained)

If your dog is barking as you say for a few minutes at a time and is then swiftly brought in to avoid noise nuisance then I don't think you are a problem - your neighbour is. And I just love the suggestion that your dog is teaching their pup to bark

Time the barking, and try your best to bring the dog in when it barks.

I hate dogs barking as much as the next person, but it is part of normal neighbourhood noise unless excessive.

I do know someone who was warned by Environmental Health about barking, they set up meters to measure it it was so bad, and found the dog barked all day every day basically - it was on a main road and so hurled itself at the window every time a person walked past. She had to keep it in the back and stay in more!

Your dog doesn't sound this bad, but measure it to quantify it for your own peace of mind, and if they come back, be confident you've done all you can and don't take any shit off them, they seem quite nasty and confrontational by saying the neighbours are against you, especially when they have a puppy- who may grow up to be a barker itself!

Justtheonequestion don’t be so bloody ridiculous.

Rehome a dog who has started barking a bit more in the past four weeks? Get a grip.

Look, dogs bark, it’s what they do. The neighbours have a dog and it seems their dog barks also but the OP is supposed to take responsibility for that as well? what happens if the OP rehomes the dog and the puppy carries on barking? What then?

An insessently barking dog is annoying but we’re talking about ten minutes a day over the course of the day which has only started in the past couple of weeks. But as usual the anti dog brigade are out in force and it of course must be the OP’s fault rather than the neighbour being an arsehole looking for someone to blame for the fact their dog is a barker.

Incidentally, my neighbour’s baby cries all the time possibly up to ten. Hours aa day, anddd when it cries at night they bring it outside into their garden, just under my window so I get woken by someone else’s screaming baby at 3 Am. I wonder how much sympathy I’d get if I posted here that neighbour needs to do something about their crying baby...?

As it happens, neighbours are lovely and babies cry. I’m hopeful that this will pass and all will return to normal, but ten hours of screaming baby and being woken by it in the middle of the night (If I wanted to be woken at 3 AM by a screaming baby i would have one of my own, no ta,) does become somewhart wearing after a while. but on here I would be unreasonable for complaining about it unless it was a puppy not a baby.

The whole dog barking thing does make me laugh. I’m not in the uk, here it’s normal for dogs to be outside most of the time - in fact when we had a suspected break in (strangers in the garden) when we and our two dogs were in the house on a very hot day, the local police told us off for having the dogs inside. ‘What use are they inside if you have an intruder in the garden’

Within our immediate neighbours there are up to 11 dogs, all out most of the time, except 11pm-7am. Anyone who made a complaint to the authorities would be looked at like

Yes there are times they bark, as dogs are supposed to do, but one of my dogs can be outside the whole day and you wouldn’t know he was there. Maybe it’s less exciting when it’s not a novelty - and I’m at home virtually all the time due to disability, so I know exactly how much they bark

So those of you who don’t like barking, please don’t come here to live 😄