Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

You may find if you have a baby your dog is just being a bit territorial with a new dog being next door. Our dog since we had a baby has barked a lot more, its been difficult but I tend to make him come in as soon as he starts. I think them moving is a bit dramatic. No matter what fencing you put they will both know there's still a dog there. Dogs bark to communicate. Maybe a play date would help the curiosity?

Summergems - clearly your neighbours should rehome the baby (according to Justheone's logic)

Barking can seem very aggressive from the outside. We walk to school past a gate which has a barking dog which growls and barks every time we come past. It makes us jump every time and is frightening. It’s clearly jumping up and trying to get at whoever is walking past. It feels threatening and uncomfortable. And I love dogs.

I agree that you need to be able to control your dog enough to issue an instruction and stop the barking straight away. You need to look at its insecurities too and see why it’s barking. Maybe speak to your vet or an animal expert on training methods and anti barking strategies. Im sure yo won’t be the first enquiry of this kind.

Thanks everyone. I genuinely appreciate and have read all the posts. I have taken on board the suggestions about embedding the right behaviour, and we have started this.

I am concerned that either we are unconsciously minimising it, or our dog is being blamed for other dogs barking, so I think keeping a record of when he barks will help.

I am still too upset from yesterday to talk to my neighbour but I suggested socialising to then yesterday and hopefully we can get to that. Eventually. For now, the fence will have to do.

Constant barking for hours on end can get wearing but a few minutes here and there is not a problem. I think your neighbours would have been better off with a cat if they are so sensitive to the sound of barking.

Those with dogs, how do you stop them barking completely?

Not sure how helpful this will be given you already feel you have to walk on eggshells, but when we got our boy he would bark incessantly when we were getting his food ready. We fixed this by teaching him to bark on command and then teaching him to shhh on command so now on the odd occasions he does bark we can just say shhh and he knows to be quiet.

Summer I didn't mean to be ridiculous. And actually there's a thread going on where the op's neighbours are so annoyed by the crying that they rang SS. But with a baby that to an extent is out of your control. A pet is somewhat different, if it's annoying the whole street then it isn't just 10 mins.
I don't understand anyone feeling any bond to an animal so apologies if people see dogs as babies-I don't get it myself, so long as you still get to see it. That's why I said with someone you know-I didn't say get rid.
I'd also feel the way you do about a crying baby next door.

Come over to The Doghouse and you will get advice from people who own dogs - there's even a professional dog trainer over there www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse

I would also suggest getting a 121 session with a dog trainer in - a good quality one - bearing in mind that any idiot can call themselves a trainer. Ideally someone APDT accredited apdt.co.uk/dog-owners/local-dog-trainers/ but failing that IMDT www.imdt.uk.com/find-a-qualified-imdt-trainer.html

I'd have to agree, however, with those saying that you can't let DDog out unsupervised at the moment. The fencing should help, but bringing him inside a couple of minutes after he barked is utterly meaningless to him - you might have brought him in because a seagull flew past, because the sky is blue or because a car just parked up outside as far as the dog is concerned - but it sure as hell won't associate it with the barking.

In the nice weather I've had the back door open and a baby gate across it to stop DDog going out unsupervised (garden is unsafe for a variety of unfixable reasons). He knows he can get away with a quiet "bruff" noise but the second he barks even once he knows he's going to get removed from the back door and have a 2 min time out in the next room. I was very proud of him earlier when he saw NDN's cat, ran at the baby gate so hard he crashed into it... and didn't bark (the cat still scarpered, happily).

There are bark collars you can get that spray a harmless spray when they bark but is apparently a smell they don't like, to train them to bark less. My friend used one and it worked well.

No, don't do this. Punishment based methods (which is exactly what citronella collars, e-collars and anything marketed as an anti-barking collar are are) don't work and have a whole variety of unintended consequences, including inducing aggressive behaviour www.dogwelfarecampaign.org/implications-of-punishment.php My privately rescued dog came with a vibrating anti-bark collar and it went straight in the bin. They're awful, awful things.

@userxxx they have a cat. It poos in my garden. And leaves us dead birds for when we get back from holiday. I just clean it up.

We have a Jack Russell two doors down from us who barks at everything and it's so annoying.

However we also have a beagle who bays when he's excited so we're not really in a position to complain - although he's nowhere near as bad as the Jack Russell!

You need to show you're doing something to stop it. Bring him in as soon as he starts or go out with him if he can't be left on his own without doing it. All dogs bark but that doesn't mean they should be allowed to do so whenever they want.

Some people just over react, a dogs a dog, 5,10 or 15 mins isn’t nothing as long as it’s not all day. My dog barks often, for some reason since my other dog dies a few months back she has been worse especially with unusual sounds as we live on a main road. Our neighbours dog is a pain in the ass you can’t even go in the garden without it barking at you then the two dogs have a showdown with the fence between them which then sets off the other neighbours dog.

I’m alwyas shouting at mine to shut up 🤐

I wouldn't want to stop my dog barking completely - I value his role as a watchdog. He will shut up when I shush him though

they do sound a bit ott unless its longer than you think which you said you are going to look into
just keep an eye on it if its only a few mins then ignore them

i used to have ndn who left theyre dog all day-and it constantly barked i dont mean 5 minutes i mean hours

complained to the council who did send them a letter but it carried on till they moved

But if this is only happening since the neighbour got their dog, then I don't understand why you are not being more forthright with them about this being a shared problem. After all, nothing has changed in your household. They have made a change in their household though. So it may be reasonable for both parties to take action such as creating a narrow area alongside each side of the fence as a buffer zone to scent and noise. There are things they can and should do too in the way of desensitising and training.
And the other neighbour's - why are they so easily blaming only you, they must be aware that it is only an issue since the new puppy arrived.
There is a spray from PetsatHome, it's pressurised air that makes a hissing noise when pressed, that can be used to refocus a dog's attention from some distance if you cannot get to them quickly. I've found it very effective. Perhaps keep one just inside the back door to use as soon as the barking begins. A quick hiss and a "no bark" may stop it almost instantly rather than you running out into the garden to correct your dog.
My neighbour has a barking dog and I don't know what's worse - the barking or her fishwifey shrieks as she tries to get it to stop!

@avocados, I agree about the collars. I think this would be counterproductive.

You need to address your dog's behaviour instead of avoiding tactics like updating the fence

Bullocks. Environmental control is 75% of dog training. Changing the fence is the first thing to do, to help reduce the stimuli to a level the dog is then open to behavioural change.

Justtheonequestion, that is an utterly ridiculous suggestion.

Rehoming the dog because of a few minutes of natural dog behaviour is utter bollocks even if it does go to a family member. Would you suggest that parents should re-home their children if they make noises the neighbours don't like? I'm sure you wouldn't, but please remember that to dog owners the dogs are also family members.

OP, you sound as though you are doing your best to control the barking. You've had some reasonable suggestions on here in amongst the bollocks. I think that socialising your dog with the puppy as much as possible sounds like a possible way forward.

Don't be intimidated by this neighbour. Telling you that all neighbours are up in arms about your dog is almost certainly her over egging the pudding to make herself feel better.

I have a batshit neighbour too. Never mind dogs barking, he even protests about birds singing in his garden and has one of those gas fired bird scarers that are meant for use in a farmer's field which he sometimes sites outside his back door. He also used to go along the street trying to intimidate dog owners with nasty anonymous notes (but was seen doing this and forced to stop).

I get that dogs barking is annoying. That is why us responsible dog owners (and I believe OP is a responsible dog owner) do our best to minimise it. You can't 100% stop it though. They are dogs. They will bark occasionally. It is natural dog behaviour.

Btw, I also have 2 dogs who very rarely react to the barking and whining from next door.

Thanks @topseyt I really appreciate that. I do understand they are fed up but I am trying. I just can’t understand why you would leave it so long before saying anything. It really puts me on the back foot rather than feeling we are trying to solve the problem together.

Also, I suspect your neighbours are finding that life with a puppy is no walk in the park either. Puppies may be cute, but they are hard work.

Nobody needs to move house. Not you, not your neighbour. That is just ridiculous.

I use to have dogs and my old NDN use to complain all the time about them barking until one day I caught him with his head over the fence antagonising the dogs and making them bark he soon stopped complaining when he got confronted about doing that.

Your dog isn’t teaching their puppy to bark ffs. The puppy innately knows how to bark and would have eventually started to bark without your dog living next door. No matter what you do now it will be too late as they will forever blame their puppy barking on you/your dog.

They can't have thought your dog was that bad or else they would have been put off getting one themselves surely?

That’s my worry @namechangeuni, or one of them. I feel physically sick every time the dog needs to go out now, or I go outside with my DD. Ironically we have no effectively become prisoners in our home. With all the doors and windows shut.