To stick my nose in with harassed mum hitting toddler

[RosyPrimroseface]

In the road the other day my DS was on my shoulders and he suddenly said "Why that mummy hitting girl?" I turned and saw a woman across the road slapping a girl (aged about 3).

It wasn't very hard but the girl obvs was crying a lot. And as DS noticed first, she had evidently hit her more than once, as i saw one and he the other.

I called across "Did you just hit her?!" in a voice which was definitely judgemental. And posh and annoying i expect. She said "I gave her hand a tap!"

I said "That's not good. It's not ideal."

Now. I was twatty and irritating. I didn't make life easier for the girl; as her mum then was even grumpier. Nor the mum, who was angry and gave me a bit of abuse, naturally. I don't think I should have commented.

But - I don't think it's ever ok to hit children, and maybe if there's more reaction from bystanders it will become generally less acceptable??

Or am i just a busybody? Interested to see balance of views.

"I can never understand why children are the only people in society who are not protected in law from physical violence"

That's not quite true. Children obviously in some cases are victims of abuse from their parents, but they can also be perpetrators, and there is no easy way of dealing with this.

DD2 (6) and I have suffered violence from DD1 (9). (They're both adopted and are birth siblings.) We've both ended up with bruises as a result of her actions. Obviously, you can ask for help through the various agencies, which we have been doing, but it's a slow process.

Once she's 10, we will be able to report her to the police as it is a crime, but that won't really solve anything, as DD1 needs help rather than punishment. She's very vulnerable. But obviously DD2's safety is also a consideration.

And no, I'm not saying that smacking DD1 would be the magic solution, definitely not. It would teach her that she has to obey us because we're physically stronger, which wouldn't work anymore now anyway. And we want to show her that that isn't the way to deal with problems anyway.

But bringing up children who have issues is hard and judging parents who are struggling isn't right. The mum the OP challenged doesn't sound like she was being abusive but she clearly needed support. You just don't know what's going on in their home.

Sheerkhan my mother commends my good behaviour as a child. I had 100 percent attendance for primary and secondary school, and got three A grades at A level.

I’m sure, as a young child, I went though the usual phases of tantrums and squabbling with my sibling, but I have zero recollection of anything egregious. And yet, I was hit regularly. For dropping things. For being too loud. For any minor infraction. You will never convince me that people who hit kids are anything but uncontrolled, uncivilized, base people who need to learn a thing or three about showing compassion and/or restraint towards those who can’t defend themselves.

I would have learned a far greater lesson had a toy been confiscated, for example, rather than recollect with nothing but utter confusion and fear about why, for example, I was chased like a rat into my bedroom, door pushed open, lifted into the air and slapped hard across the legs. It took many years of therapy to understand why my mother did it (her depression) and come to a place of reconciliation.

Since Sheer’s last post to me I don’t think he or or she is quite up to engaging in an intelligent debate about this!

No need to tut at me! I’m calling you disturbed for threatening to smack me and calling me an animal.

ScipioAfricanus ignore him/her.
You cant reason with people like that.

Thanks Pretty. I know, you’re right. I did feel I would like to clarify what my comment of ‘distrubed’ was about since the troll was trying to spin it as in relation to the discussion of smacking. But now it can go back under the bridge.

@notasgreen I do hope you get some sort of empathy for your kids feelings one day.
Today obviously isnt that day...

"But now it can go back under the bridge."
Exactly my thoughts!

It's still legal to smack your own child and it's absolutely NONE of your business to intervene when you see a mother doing this.

YWBVU.

I do hope those who hit their kids are ready to reap what they sow. Me? At base level, my natural tendency is to feel an urge to punch when I feel threatened or see someone being threatened. It is the chief lesson I learned from being hit hard maybe thirty times during my childhood. Do I act upon this? Good grief, no. But it’s been a constant battle in life to avoid acting upon the deep-rooted conditioning from my childhood.

Interesting to consider if behaviour at school, which I think has got worse, is to do with parental lack of smacking (or even teacher lack of caning!). I personally think some of it is to do with lack of parental control and guidance and support of the school (a lot of it to do with the rise of individualism), but definitely don’t think that is related to parents smacking children.

@prettylovely

You’re the one that needs empathy, you are so closed minded to others decisions... perfectly rational, thought out decisions. I’m sure if you were to detail your style if parenting I would disagree with it in some way, and I honestly believe a lot of non smacking parents do more harm than good. But... it’s none of my business.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Again, fuck off with your holier than thou attitude.

You can establish strict parameters without smacking or screaming. I can’t believe people don’t believe otherwise.

My husband was never hit as a child, but he respected his father’s strict manner—and yes, DH had his moments as a teenager—but ultimately love and guidance is what most successfully shapes a child.

My brother has severe mental health issues stemming directly from our upbringing. It’s just not on that people are willing to defend violence against kids.

@NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking you are right I am closed minded to people physically assaulting their children, You are obviously finding it hard to keep yourself restrained with all your bad language which says alot about you.
So I will leave it there with you.

"You can establish strict parameters without smacking or screaming. I can’t believe people don’t believe otherwise."

Totally agree

The fact you call people saints who don’t hit their children screams tons about you!

You are disgusting!

I would, and have, intervened every time I've saw an adult assault a child. The naysayers can claim what they want, physically abusing a child whether by a tap or a slap is lack of control the parent.

And for those who dismiss not assaulting an adult if you disagree with them isn't the same - how do you stop yourself? Lack of control is the only reason I can think of assaulting your child - if you can refrain abusing adults that piss you off then that surely means assaulting your child is intentional?

Vile.

Just to be clear, in England, It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except where this amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’.

Therefore it is not illegal.

I have on rare occasions given my DC a smack across the behind .
I felt justified as a parent in what I did (and I'm not going into the long and boring details right now)

If someone had come over and challenged me , they'd have been told to MYOB and Do One

I don;t have to justify myself to you or anyone else thanks

I don;t have to justify myself to you or anyone else thanks

well some day you may have to justify yourself to the children whose behinds you are smacking.

Maybe they will be fine with it all. Maybe not. Your view of their childhood may not be theirs - especially if it involves smacking on the behind.

Don't you ever think "why do I have to smack my kids on the behind to impose order when so many other parents can do it without a smack?" My mother (born in 1927) would have felt herself a failure as a parent if the tone of her voice couldn't have imposed order.

Well like I said the reasons I had were justified and I really CBA going into them but I prevented a serious injury to an innocent pedestrian so I;ll deal my my DC how I chose to thanks very much .
My DC are now 18 and 16 , I think I've done ok.